[mikeeastman]

[FireGuy]

[decal]

I've sure gotten old!  I have outlived my feet and my teeth   
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.

[JerryM]

A precious little girl walks into a pet shop, and asks in the sweetest little voice "Excuse me, mister, do you keep cute little bunny rabbits?"

As the shopkeeper's heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and asks, "Do you want a little white rabbit, or a soft and fuzzy black rabbit? Or maybe one like that cute little brown rabbit over there?" She, in turn, blushes and rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a sweet quiet voice, "I don't think my python really gives a shit!"

[Russell Dawkins]

A Love Story on a Train

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,... "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold!"

"I have a better idea," she replied, "Just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."

"Wow!.. That's a great idea," he exclaimed...

"Good," she replied, "Get your own f...ing blanket."

After a moment of silence, ...he farted.

[brooklyn]

Good one Russell, I'm still laughing... 

[JerryM]

I hate when the voices in my head go silent.

I never know what those fuckers are planning.

[Bob in St. Louis]

British humor as it used to be: Absolutely politically incorrect.
...
It has been announced that the police are going to be allowed to use water cannons
On rioters. They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds
From running.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police
Think  it might be the start of Ram-a-dam.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million worth of improvements
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Muslims have gone on the rampage in Manchester, killing anyone who's English.
Police fear the death toll could be as high as 8 or 9.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Years ago it was suggested that, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But, since
All the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Police in London have found a bomb outside a mosque...
They've told the public not to panic as they've managed to push it inside. 
============================================
During last night's high winds an African family was killed by a falling tree.
A spokesman for the Birmingham City council said "We didn't even know they were living up there". 
=============================================
Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with
minorities in mind, so Crime Watch is being shown 5 times a week now. 
=============================================
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low.
=============================================
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a fifth floor
Balcony, shaking a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?" 
=============================================
An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of
Her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.  It seems that a
Caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a
Railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."
To which the call centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."

[jhm731]

[JerryM]

[Don_S]

Did You Know This
About Leather Dresses?

Do you know that when a
woman wears a leather dress,
a man's heart beats quicker,
his throat gets dry,
he gets weak in the knees,
and he begins to think irrationally.

Ever wonder why?
 


 
It's because she
smells like a new truck!

[Bob in St. Louis]

NSFW due to language.

https://www.facebook.com/John.N.Claussen/videos/10151632331312129/

(You don't need to be a member of Facebook to view)

[ted_b]

OMG I needed that!  Hilarious!   

[Bob in St. Louis]

OMG I needed that!  Hilarious!   

Well...since you liked that one, how 'bout another:
https://youtu.be/evocKJg03VE

[JakeJ]

Someone has too much time on their hands. 

[Russell Dawkins]

NSFW due to language.

https://www.facebook.com/John.N.Claussen/videos/10151632331312129/

(You don't need to be a member of Facebook to view)

For some reason, the video stops for me about 10 seconds in.

[Bob in St. Louis]

For some reason, the video stops for me about 10 seconds in.

Not sure why that happens??
It's a lady called, "The Fruitcake Lady". She was a "skit" on The Tonight Show for a while. There's numerous videos on Youtube of her. I can't find the exact one on the Facebook link, but here's another one. She's pretty funny, but certainly not for work or children:
https://youtu.be/iB_gMQ8DBqA

[JerryM]

Instagram would have been a great name for a weed delivery service.

[Bob in St. Louis]

NOT FOR KIDS! 
https://www.facebook.com/bittersweetsarcasm/videos/1671065763156790/

[JerryM]

Holy shit, Dude.