[Bob in St. Louis]

Can we please enjoy this without getting political?   

American Medical Association has weighed in on Trump's healthcare package:

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves. The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.Meanwhile, Obstetricians felt certain everyone was laboring under a misconception, while the Ophthalmologists considered the idea shortsighted. Pathologists yelled, "Over my dead body!" while the Pediatricians said, "Oh, grow up!" The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it. Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing and the Internists claimed it would indeed be a bitter pill to swallow. The Plastic Surgeons opined that this proposal would "put a whole new face on the matter." The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea. Anesthesiologists thought the whole idea was a gas, and those lofty Cardiologists didn't have the heart to say no. In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the assholes in Washington.

This is gold. Shear gold. 

[JoshK]

My avatar creeps a lot of people out.  That is why I like it, it is amusing to me.

[sebrof]

The other day my wife went out and got a makeover. New hairstyle, eyebrows plucked, makeup. She came home all happy, sitting there staring at me with a big smile on her face. I didn't notice and asked her why she was smiling. Her smile turned upside down and I was in the doghouse.
Then yesterday my new tweeters got delivered and I put them in. Last night my wife and I were sitting in the living room in front of the speakers. I was sitting there smiling at her and she asked me what I was smiling at. I said, "Ah Ha! Now we're even!!"

[Bob2]

My avatar creeps a lot of people out.  That is why I like it, it is amusing to me.

That's cool!

[Don_S]

My avatar creeps a lot of people out.  That is why I like it, it is amusing to me.

That's an avatar!  I thought it was a selfie.   

[thunderbrick]

Last week a friend and I were getting into his car and when he touched the door handle and got shocked by static electricity. He turns to me and says:
"Damn, I wish someone would explain that damn static electricity to me."
 
So I did and here is my explanation, especially for my non-technology oriented friends.
 
Static electricity is an imbalance of electric charges within or on the surface of a material.
 
The charge remains until it is able to move away by means of an electric current or electrical discharge.
 
For modelling the effect of static discharge on sensitive electronic devices, a human being is represented as a capacitor of 100 microfarads, charged to a voltage of 4,000 to 35,000 volts.
 
When touching an object this energy is discharged in less than a microsecond:
 


Still having a little trouble understanding this?  This photo may help.



 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 



Now, that’s static electricity!  I hope this helps!
 
 

[JerryM]

 A young boy answers the phone.

 A man says, "Hello, is your dad around?"

 The boy whispers, "Yes."

 The man then asks if he can talk to him.

 "He's busy at the moment," the boy whispers.

 "Then is your mom there?"

 "Yes" the boy whispers.

 "Can I talk to her?"

 "No, she's busy," the boy whispers.

 "Is there anyone else there?"

 "Yes" whispered the boy.

 "Who?" the man asked.

 "A policeman," came the whispered reply.

 "Well, can I talk to him?"

 "He's busy too," the boy whispered.

 "Is there anyone else there then?"

 "Yes" whispered the boy.

 "Who then?" the man asked.

 "A fireman," the boy whispered.

 "Can I talk to him?"

 "No," the boy whispered, "he's busy."

 Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing.

 "Looking for me."

[Wind Chaser]

Now, that’s static electricity!  I hope this helps!

Nothing a little 'bounce' can't fix.

[JLM]

Look again Windy, there's more static than being involved in just the bounce.   

[Wind Chaser]

I take you have no experience doing the laundry. 

[gregcss]

Chicken is done

[jhm731]

[JerryM]

I hate when you give someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

[mightym]

I'm trying to get a new cell phone with this number: 855-4013

None of the carriers will accomodate.... 

[sebrof]

I'm trying to get a new cell phone with this number: 855-4013

None of the carriers will accomodate.... 

I could keep trying but I gave up.
It will probably come to me when I least expect it.

[JerryM]

I'm trying to get a new cell phone with this number: 855-4013

None of the carriers will accomodate.... 

Don't feel deficient. Go with 789-5998.

[mightym]

Number letter substitution, here's a couple of hints...  If the 5's are S, then what would you put in front that is sort of like an 8, a "B", no, that doesn't make any sense, an A, however...

[Bob in St. Louis]

How about 867-5309? 

[JLM]

This reminds me of the joke about prisoners who told jokes by just calling out numbers.

[Shakeydeal]

Number letter substitution, here's a couple of hints...  If the 5's are S, then what would you put in front that is sort of like an 8, a "B", no, that doesn't make any sense, an A, however...

If you have to waste all this time explaining it, you should realize it was stupid in the first place......

Shakey