Joke of the Day

Bob2 · « **Reply #1880 on:** 9 Mar 2017, 01:44 am »

Quote from: djbnh on 9 Mar 2017, 12:29 am

Reminds me of a story a co-worker related...
Seems his wife joined an aerobics class. One day when he came home from work
she came out of the bedroom in a new leotard and asked him how she looked,
He said "big".
Said he didn't see her for the next couple of days.. then a little out of his left eye..

I.Greyhound Fan · « **Reply #1881 on:** 9 Mar 2017, 01:50 am »

thunderbrick · « **Reply #1882 on:** 9 Mar 2017, 05:06 pm »

Normally I like to share Jokes of the Day with my wife.

Not this time, No Sireee!

JakeJ · « **Reply #1883 on:** 10 Mar 2017, 02:10 am »

Yeah, some of them are just for the boys. I'm sure they have their own as well.

mightym · « **Reply #1884 on:** 10 Mar 2017, 10:22 am »

My wife just rolls her eyes at that stuff.

No Jake, they aren't going to show you either...

jhm731 · « **Reply #1885 on:** 10 Mar 2017, 07:09 pm »

jhm731 · « **Reply #1886 on:** 10 Mar 2017, 07:10 pm »

milpai · « **Reply #1887 on:** 11 Mar 2017, 05:44 am »

Jack returned from a doctor's visit and told his wife that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him.

Of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Jack went to her again, and said,

"Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?"

The wife dutifully agreed and again they made love.

Later, Jack was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched his wife's shoulder and said,...

"Honey Please?

Just one more time before I die."

She agreed, then afterwards she rolled over and fell asleep.

Jack, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until he was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up.

"Honey, I only have four hours left!

Could we...?"

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said, "Listen Dear, I have to get up in the morning for your funeral but you won't be getting up"

brooklyn · « **Reply #1888 on:** 12 Mar 2017, 05:27 am »

charmerci · « **Reply #1889 on:** 12 Mar 2017, 05:53 pm »

Quote from: jhm731 on 7 Mar 2017, 05:29 pm

Is that a gun or are you just happy to see me!

jhm731 · « **Reply #1890 on:** 13 Mar 2017, 10:05 pm »

Ed and Betty met while on a singles cruise, and Ed fell head over heels for her. When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Betty to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Betty was indeed his soul mate and true love.

Every date seemed better than the last. On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Betty to a fine restaurant. While having cocktails and waiting for their salad Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you. I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage. So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life-changing question, it's only fair to warn you,

I'm a total golf nut. I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV.
In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf. If that's going to be a problem for us, you'd better say so now!"

Betty took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem. I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for the last five years I've been a hooker."

Ed said, "I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Bob2 · « **Reply #1891 on:** 14 Mar 2017, 12:18 am »

"I bet it's because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

Oh brother.....

syzygy · « **Reply #1892 on:** 14 Mar 2017, 12:25 am »

What's the difference between a clam digger with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The clam digger shucks between fits.

Bob2 · « **Reply #1893 on:** 14 Mar 2017, 01:02 am »

"The clam digger shucks between fits."

Ok! Keep it up and I'll tell everyone about the tattoo on my butt.
I mean it! I'll tell everyone!!!!!

JoshK · « **Reply #1894 on:** 14 Mar 2017, 01:49 am »

Ok, I got all of that joke but what the hell is 'fits' with respect to clam digging?

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #1895 on:** 14 Mar 2017, 02:05 am »

Clam digger with epilepsy.

LesterSleepsIn · « **Reply #1896 on:** 14 Mar 2017, 03:18 am »

I don't think we need to be laughing at people with disabilities. Life is hard enough for them. We're bigger than that and there but for the grace of God ...

JoshK · « **Reply #1897 on:** 15 Mar 2017, 01:00 pm »

I missed the part with the epilepsy...pre coffee it seems.

decal · « **Reply #1898 on:** 15 Mar 2017, 02:34 pm »

Quote from: LesterSleepsIn on 14 Mar 2017, 03:18 am

I don't think we need to be laughing at people with disabilities. Life is hard enough for them. We're bigger than that and there but for the grace of God ...

Having epilepsy is not a disability, it's a treatable medical condition. It runs in my wife's family and no one has ever been offended by jokes and the like. My brother-in-law , like Neil Young, is nicknamed Shakey !!!!

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1899 on:** 15 Mar 2017, 03:32 pm »

God invented epilepsy.
Just sayin'.