Joke of the Day

JerryM · « **Reply #1541 on:** 9 Oct 2015, 05:15 pm »

I wonder what 'DON'T TOUCH' is in Braille.

srb · « **Reply #1542 on:** 9 Oct 2015, 05:47 pm »

Quote from: JerryM on 9 Oct 2015, 05:15 pm

I wonder what 'DON'T TOUCH' is in Braille.

JerryM · « **Reply #1543 on:** 9 Oct 2015, 05:52 pm »

aragon63 · « **Reply #1544 on:** 10 Oct 2015, 12:47 pm »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1545 on:** 10 Oct 2015, 11:31 pm »

The Canada Department of Employment believed a boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his help.
An agent was sent to the fishing village of Ucluelet in western Vancouver Island to investigate the boat owner.

GOVT AGENT: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my hired hand. He's been with me for 3 years

I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy.
He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here.
He makes about $10 per week, and pays his own room and board.
I buy him a bottle of Lamb's rum and a dozen Labatt Lite every Saturday night so he can cope with life.
Also, he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".

GOVT AGENT: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1546 on:** 14 Oct 2015, 08:54 pm »

Marine Math: The "Old Corps" Method

The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its humor. During one such conflict a ROK ( Republic of Korea ) commander, whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary Marine General Chesty Puller, to report a major Chinese attack in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean officer.

General Puller asked for another count and got the same answer, "Many, many, many Chinese!"

"#%$@*^$@#!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine liaison officer on the radio.

"In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, exactly how many Chinese you got up there?"

"General, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God." exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who knows how to count."

weatherman1 · « **Reply #1547 on:** 16 Oct 2015, 05:27 am »

dex67 · « **Reply #1548 on:** 16 Oct 2015, 12:32 pm »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1549 on:** 20 Oct 2015, 01:38 pm »

won ton on · « **Reply #1550 on:** 20 Oct 2015, 03:29 pm »

Good one, lmao

JerryM · « **Reply #1551 on:** 21 Oct 2015, 01:06 am »

thunderbrick · « **Reply #1552 on:** 21 Oct 2015, 03:13 am »

That ranks up there with the astronaut beans commercial.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sh6vqhOUX8Q

jhm731 · « **Reply #1553 on:** 21 Oct 2015, 05:59 pm »

Brenda and Terry are going out for the evening. The last thing they do is put their cat out.

The taxi arrives, and as the couple walk out of the house, the cat scoots back in.

Terry returns inside to chase it out. Brenda, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explains to the taxi driver, 'My husband is just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.'

Several minutes later, an exhausted Terry arrives and climbs back into the taxi saying, 'Sorry I took so long, the stupid idiot was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger several times before I could get her to come out!'

JerryM · « **Reply #1554 on:** 22 Oct 2015, 02:44 am »

If you're in the indoor shooting range and it starts to burn down, what do you yell to warn everybody?

thunderbrick · « **Reply #1555 on:** 22 Oct 2015, 02:48 am »

Quote from: JerryM on 22 Oct 2015, 02:44 am

If you're in the indoor shooting range and it starts to burn down, what do you yell to warn everybody?

JM21 · « **Reply #1556 on:** 22 Oct 2015, 03:00 am »

It was noon and a guys first day in prison. He was in the lunch room and sat down with his tray at a full table. As he started to eat, a big guy on the far side of the room stood up at his table and yelled out "42"...the room bursts out in laughter! The new guy thought it was odd but afraid to ask kept to himself. A few minutes later another guy on the opposite side of the room stood at his table and yelled "78"...the room bursts out in even more laughter! It was too much for the new guy, he looks at the inmate across the table and asks what's up? The inmate said they had all been in there so long that everyone knew all the jokes, so they just numbered them. The new guy said hmm, not a bad idea. Then being new, thought it might help him get accepted and decided to try it. He stood-up and yelled at the top of his lungs "59"!!...the room went silent. Completely embarrassed he sat down and looked over at the inmate...he said "Hey, it's all in the delivery!"

Kenneth Patchen · « **Reply #1557 on:** 22 Oct 2015, 03:29 am »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 20 Oct 2015, 01:38 pm

thunderbrick · « **Reply #1558 on:** 22 Oct 2015, 04:05 am »

PMAT · « **Reply #1559 on:** 22 Oct 2015, 05:28 am »

Hahahahahahahshahahahahahaaha