The worst movie in all human history?

Rob Babcock · « **on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:30 am »

Okay, this Circle has been too tame lately!

So I guess I'll stir up some crap! I posted this one at "another site," but I'm curious what you guys think at AC: What's the worst movie ever made in all human history? The film so cringingly awful that your skin crawls and your blood runs cold? The film so bad you'd consider poking your eyes out vs being forced to watch?

My pick: Natural Born Killers. The stinker by which all others are judged. When I make a list of the "Bottom Ten" worst, I really have to make it 11 as I've set NBK as "winner" of the "Lifetime Acheivement For Suck Award." Nothing I've seen is so irredeemably awful as that one, so it's only fair I consider it as it's own catagory, a category of one.

What are some other choices for the Worst of the Worst?

Marbles · « **Reply #1 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:35 am »

"The Fog"

Hantra · « **Reply #2 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:46 am »

NBK is teh suck.

But. . Have you ever seen that movie "The Devil's Own" with Brad Pitt, and Harrison Ford? I am a Brad Pitt fan (that sounds strange, doesn't it?), but honestly this movie was the most horrible I have ever watched. Ever.

According to IMDB, a very trusted source, the worst movie in history is "Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2". I like Jon Voight but I think he screwed this one up. I mean. . when you get torn up by "From Justin To Kelly", you know you've hit bottom.

TheChairGuy · « **Reply #3 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:54 am »

Gotta' think a bit about the absolute worst...but among the worst for me was 'The Punisher'.....the one about 15 years ago with Dolph Lundgren.

ooof, bad

beat · « **Reply #4 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:55 am »

Hmmm,
"Ed Wood" really sucked, a crappy movie made about a crappy movie maker..theres a sureshot for disaster, eh? There was a movie called "hurley burley" that was obviously made to be painful to watch. From what I remember, It was about alot of self destructive rich junkies partying and sleeping around..."Ok, I can deal with this" I says, a half hour into the movie...yet there was such $#!T thrown around and a complete lack of character building (though practically everyone acting in it is a famous high paid actor/actress) I couldnt bear to finish it...I probably toughed it out for an hour or more but I didn't care in the least what happened to any of them. At one point without saying a word I shut it off and looked over to my wife and she said exactly what I was thinking..I feel gross and I so don't care what happens to any of those people. In the defense of junkies, Trainspotting on the other hand was near genius I thought.

ellogan · « **Reply #5 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:57 am »

"Cabin Boy" with Chris Elliot. So bad that I fell asleep 20 mins into the movie (thought I was tired). Next day gave another try. Got upset after 5 mins from where I left off the previous day. Threw it in the trash. Second worst: "The Avengers" with Sean Connery (one of my favorite actors) and Uma Thurman. So bad that even my then 9 year old (who loves movies) thought it was crap (well he did not use those words, but you get my meaning).

Ellogan

Rob Babcock · « **Reply #6 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 03:58 am »

Quote from: Marbles

"The Fog"

Thump, Thump, Thump!

Yeah, I haven't seen that one since, what, the late 70's/early 80's? Scared me as a little kid, but what a howler for an adult. Definately up there with Steven King's "Silver Bullet" as one of the most hilarious horror suckfests in cinema history.

John Casler · « **Reply #7 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 04:01 am »

The advertising slogan for this movie stated that it was so scary you'd have to keep telling yourself:

"It's Only a Movie"

It was called "Last House on the Left" and was the only film I ever walked out of.

When the Dentist put the chisel and hammer to one of the strapped down actor's front teeth and drew the hammer back, I was outa there

I think it was the first of the truly grisly smasher/slasher films circa 1967???

Rob Babcock · « **Reply #8 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 04:05 am »

Quote from: TheChairGuy

Gotta' think a bit about the absolute worst...but among the worst for me was 'The Punisher'.....the one about 15 years ago with Dolph Lundgren.

ooof, bad

Hmmm...I think I have that one on DVD!

Yeah, it could stand some improvement!

patslab · « **Reply #9 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 04:34 am »

Define bad.

So bad, as in you want to kill Oliver Stone or Micheal Moore bad, or

Bad, as in so bad that it descends to a level of badness that elevates it to a new art form?

Rob Babcock · « **Reply #10 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 04:36 am »

Bad as in, "Gee, what would be faster- poking my eyes out or fleeing the theater" bad!

Not that Moore & Stone couldn't benefit from a good thrashing.

sleepkyng · « **Reply #11 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 04:43 am »

Bulletproof Monk might be the worst.

Jon L · « **Reply #12 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 04:49 am »

"Hollywood Homicide" with Harrison Ford

There are quite a few bad Harrison Ford movies, but this must be the worst for him.

"Naked Weapon"

Bunch of scantily-clad Asian women couldn't even save this stinker.

gongos · « **Reply #13 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 05:25 am »

Another vote for NBK. A true piece of ****. Some other less deserving choices:

Signs
The 2 Matrix sequels
The 2 Star Wars prequels
The new Grinch
etc, etc, etc...

bubba966 · « **Reply #14 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 08:50 am »

Boy, you all don't watch shitty enough movies.

Biggest steaming heap of dung is this http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0255477/

10 seconds into it I knew I had to leave. But thought it couldn't get much worse. Yet it kept getting worse, and worse, and worse. After maybe 20 minutes I finally left the theater. For the one & only time...

First runner up for shit heap of all time is this one http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0317676/ Don't know how to explain all that is bad with this one.

And I've seen just about everything mentioned so far. Yeah, NBK was lame. I'm not sure how I sat through Hollywood Homicide, Bulletproof Monk, Cabin Boy, or The Fog. But those don't hold a candle to the two movies I mentioned above...

gongos · « **Reply #15 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 09:19 am »

The problem is there are too many bad movies. Pinocchio (2002) is awful. You'll never be the same after watching the whole thing. I only watched ten mintues over a year ago and still haven't recovered.

Scott F. · « **Reply #16 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 10:09 am »

My vote goes to Meet The Parents with Ben Stiller. For that matter, anything with Ben Stiller (Zoolander for example).

This guy is truely painful to watch. I'd rather rip my finger nails out with pliers than sit through one of his movies. His or an Owen Wilson movie (he's not any better).

----Hijack----
On the opposite end of obscurity, Caveman with Ringo Star, Barbra Bach, Dennis Quiad, and Shelly Long was kinda fun to watch. The Dinosaurs kill me

I may have to pull that out this evening and watch it again.

Rob Babcock · « **Reply #17 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 10:29 am »

Stiller is great in Dodgeball! To me, that's a modern comedy classic. And almost anything with Owen Wilson is worth it just to see him (although that one where he's a downed pilot- pretty weak).

Man, Bubba- anyone who'd watch Roberto Benini in a Pinnoccio remake gets what he deserves!

Just what the hell did you think it was gonna be like? Did you also sit thru "Hook" and "Mario Brothers"?

No shortage of crappy movies out there, that's for sure. And that's not counting the ones that are meant to be bad. Flicks like "Basket Case", "Leprechaun", "Dollman", "Maniac Cop", C.H.U.D.; they're bad, but you know they're gonna be bad. So you sorta have to give them a little bit of a break. It's the big budget "real" movies that blindside you with their awesome suckiness.

Still, sure as the sun rises, one guys dog is another guys gem. A few guys here really loved "Van Helsing", but I'd rather endure an Icy Hot enema that sit thru that POS again. I don't just want my money back, I want the two stolen hours of my life back. And while the 3rd Matrix flick was pathetic, I think the second was better than the first.

For my money NBK is the biggest peice of shit ever crapped. But that's just my opinion.

Scott F. · « **Reply #18 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 12:01 pm »

Quote from: Rob Babcock

... Still, sure as the sun rises, one guys dog is another guys gem ...

Thats true. To each their own

Taking some of the moview for what they're meant to be is half the battle. Believe it or not, I've got Dollman on VCR

Tim Thomerson (or however you spell it) was great in those old B .... I mean C .... I mean D movies (It's scary that I even know his name).

Thinking through some other D Movie gems ...... The Adventures Buckaroo Banzi Across the 9th Dimension, the old Hercules (type) movies with Steve Reeves (and NO, I don't like gladiator movies TYVM), .... ummm...
.... my brain has gone blank .......
.... quick! whats my name?...
..... oh well... getting old sucks.

Tonto Yoder · « **Reply #19 on:** 9 Dec 2004, 12:26 pm »

I'm sure many will agree that Luis Bunuel's "Exterminating Angel" and "Simon of the Desert" are cinematic failures despite their lofty reknown.