A Christmas Story

GentleBender · « **Reply #140 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 01:00 am »

Your sense of humor will get you through and many of us can understand your situation. Thanks for helping many of us feel better about our holiday, wishing you well.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #141 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 01:38 am »

Thanks, GB! It's (sniff!) all I have (cough!) left.....

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #142 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 02:26 am »

Bob, my friend, it's been good knowing you.
I'll pray that your demise is speedy. God Bless.

daves · « **Reply #143 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 02:47 am »

Full moon...check.
Flood...check
Holidays....check

What is next, fire or tornado? Hopefully, peace in the valley and a moratorium on hosting relatives for a decade.

sfox7076 · « **Reply #144 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 03:07 am »

Go buy her salted chocolate caramels from a fancy chocolate store. Always works for me...

mresseguie · « **Reply #145 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 03:45 am »

You could organize all your audio gear and place for sale here right now in order to make things easier on yourself. It'll be much more difficult trying to take care of it all from the hospital.

Humor aside, I find storms pass more quickly if I allow my warden to blow off her steam without my interrupting while she is doing her Vesuvius imitation. Then, once the pressure has decreased a bit, I gently thank her (really!) for sharing her feelings with me and ask her for ideas on how to cope with the (*&^%$#@!) individual in the future. Then, once all that has passed, I ask her if she would mind listening to my hurt and discomfort (offered in a non-combative manner).

There's more to it than that, but this communication method works much better than the more common 'attack, attack, defend, attack, defend, scream, cry' approach that too often results in more hurt feelings and eventual disintegration of a relationship.

BOL with this.

Michael

thunderbrick · « **Reply #146 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 04:31 am »

Michael, that's excellent advice! Thanks!

My wife is one tough cookie, but as with all fearsome, outwardly confident people she's covering up a lot of insecurity. We've been married nearly 11 years and I learned very quickly that an aggressive frontal approach will not ~~be successful~~ have a snowball's chance in hell. Never the less it's been a wonderful marriage (until last week).

She's also incredibly smart (save for that one decision almost 11 years ago) and it's impossible to blow one past her. Careful, measured tones are the way to go, and if I mail the garbage back to the sloths and she finds out before the "talk," life is gonna be miserable.

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #147 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 03:26 pm »

Michael sounds like a man who has been married a long time and figured out the correct way (read; painless) of communication with his wife.
Good on ya Michael!

thunderbrick · « **Reply #148 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 03:40 pm »

You got that right, Bob.

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #149 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 03:53 pm »

After 25 years of marriage, I'm beginning to figure that out philosophy.
I must be a slow learner.

mresseguie · « **Reply #150 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 05:07 pm »

Well, gents. Thank you for the compliments.

Melody and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary a few days ago. Ours is a mixed race/mixed culture/mixed languages relationship. If you think two adults from the same race/culture/language face challenges in their relationship, try it our way.

The first 13 or so years were pretty turbulent with enough positive times to smooth over the bad times until one really bad time came along that nearly ended 'us'. We were on the verge of separation, but we both gave 'us' one last chance by mutually agreeing to take several personal development courses (together and separately in both English and Mandarin) to learn who we are (and really understand our own problems, weaknesses, personality baggage, etc.) and how to communicate with each other without devolving into warfare.

It took time and a lot of effort, but we're now at a point where we support each other, help each other, and have the courage to admit when we make mistakes and to sincerely apologize to the other. We now have the kind of relationship that many of our friends wish they could have (only they're not willing to put in the time and effort to achieve it). We always hold hands, kiss in public, and show affection for each other in public and we're not the least embarrassed.

And, yes, we bicker, disagree, and still get into grumpy arguments, but we always step up afterward; look into each other's eyes, and share our feelings, apologize, and most importantly, tell each other how much we love each other. We very deeply understand that 'we/us' are far more important than that argument and that we can get over it together.

If you're at all interested in any of the courses or reading materials....

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #151 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 05:18 pm »

Indeed. Your story sounds just like ours, but without the cultural challenges. It took some professional counseling, book reading, and Friday night "sit-downs" where life was put on hold so we could talk about the preceding weeks "good, bad, and ugly".

So if anybody needs some books, I can hook ya up.

Congrats on your success Michael. There's too many lazy people in the world and too much divorce. I think you and I have made it over the biggest hurdle and the rest will be easy(er) from here on out.

Bob

thunderbrick · « **Reply #152 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 05:29 pm »

Michael, normally we have so much fun together that people wonder if we are making it up. We have a truly wonderful marriage which makes this past week all the more difficult. We're both in our 60s yet act like 21 or so. One thing that contributes to our success is that we each maintain our own lives and interests. She's a consultant who works all over the U.S., and comes home every 2, 3, or 4 weeks depending on what makes sense, since I travel a lot for work as well. It's like dating all over again. And it works very well for us.

The irony is that we wanted to have everyone here this year for a "normal" family get-together. The Warden's brother-in-law is such a jerk that we've decided never to go to their home for Christmas again, and I've told my wife that if we go there again for any reason and he gets out of hand again I'm gonna call him out loudly and publicly, and she says "go for it!."

Yet she won't reign in the SSIL who she admits can be a jerk...

Wind Chaser · « **Reply #153 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 05:33 pm »

Quote from: mresseguie on 2 Jan 2016, 05:07 pm

Melody and I just celebrated our 25th anniversary a few days ago.

Are we talking earth years? Cause I've met Melody and she doesn't look much more than 25.

JerryM · « **Reply #154 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 05:45 pm »

Our Marriage Counselor said that we needed to talk about the elephant in the room. I turned to my (now Ex) wife and said: "See, even she thinks you're fat."

mresseguie · « **Reply #155 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 05:49 pm »

Quote from: Wind Chaser on 2 Jan 2016, 05:33 pm

Are we talking earth years? Cause I've met Melody and she doesn't look much more than 25.

This will earn you a lifetime of Chinese delicacies if you ever come to visit us. I will pass along your compliment.

They must be Earth years because our son is 23 years old. I was not at risk of being thrown in jail (in Taiwan or the US) when we married, so she must have sprinkled some magic dust in your eyes when you opened the door to your home.

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #156 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 06:15 pm »

Quote from: JerryM on 2 Jan 2016, 05:45 pm

Our Marriage Counselor said that we needed to talk about the elephant in the room. I turned to my (now Ex) wife and said: "See, even she thinks you're fat."

The key word there is "Ex-wife"

thunderbrick · « **Reply #157 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 06:38 pm »

Quote from: JerryM on 2 Jan 2016, 05:45 pm

Our Marriage Counselor said that we needed to talk about the elephant in the room. I turned to my (now Ex) wife and said: "See, even she thinks you're fat."

Thanks for the reminder NOT to use that expression in my house. The elephants would be offended....

Peter J · « **Reply #158 on:** 2 Jan 2016, 06:48 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 2 Jan 2016, 05:18 pm

Indeed. Your story sounds just like ours, but without the cultural challenges. It took some professional counseling, book reading, and Friday night "sit-downs" where life was put on hold so we could talk about the preceding weeks "good, bad, and ugly".

So if anybody needs some books, I can hook ya up.

Congrats on your success Michael. There's too many lazy people in the world and too much divorce. I think you and I have made it over the biggest hurdle and the rest will be easy(er) from here on out.

Bob

I think I need said books, Bob. Perhaps you can name them in a PM.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #159 on:** 8 Jan 2016, 01:37 am »

The 12th day of Christmas.

AKA, All's Quiet on the Western Front. Or "The Christmas Truce," as history buffs are sure to recognize...

A reputable source tells me The Warden and her daughter were both highly stressed (no shit!) and we won't have the dogs here again (no shit, part II!). But they miss the point…

Dogs will be dogs, I get that, but the the problem was what may be OK in THEIR house is NOT OK when you are a guest in someone else's home. ESPECIALLY the "someone" else who for a decade has helped the miscreants in any way possible.

After careful consideration, and an outwardly calm appearance, I have come to the conclusion that it'd be best for all concerned that my stepdaughter become a widow. Then everyone can relax. I'd even welcome the dogs back.

The Warden comes home next weekend after 2 weeks on the road and we'll talk.

For now, gentle readers, I'll leave you with the much-anticipated image of the "gift" left on my doorstep by the soon-to-be-deceased SSIL.

Me? Think "pressure cooker," waiting to explode...