Can an audiophile be happily married ?

Stu Pitt · « **Reply #20 on:** 18 May 2011, 03:31 am »

I've only been married a few months short of 5 years now, so please don't take this like I'm some expert...

Marriage is all about trust and respect. Buying expensive stuff behind a spouse's back violates that IMO. I'd be pretty pissed if my wife spent that much money on ANYTHING without my knowledge and consent. She'd be equally upset if I did it, and for good reason.

The way I look at it, if you have to hide it, you shouldn't be doing it. If you can't discuss it like a family is supposed to do, it's pretty safe to say you're doing something wrong.

That system doesn't exactly cost pocket change.

If it's more than $100 or so, my wife knows exactly what I bought. She may roll her eyes and not truly get it, but she knows. That works both ways.

That's not her being the boss, nor is it me being in charge. It's not asking permission to buy a toy. It's called respect for one another. She's never said I can't buy anything. I've never told her she can't. We have reminded each other once or twice that the money for a toy would be better put towards a necessity. That's being adults.

I'm not trying to bash the guy. I don't know him nor the entire story. I'm not trying to justify the lady's response, as I don't know her nor the whole story either. I'm saying what I'm saying because threads like these seem to pop up all the time on forums.

In s nutshell, unless she's asking if the jeans make her ass look fat, honesty is the best policy.

Footnote - My wife never asked about the jeans. But I learned my lesson time and again during my bachelor days. One response came to mind on s few occasions - it's not the jeans that make you look fat.

werd · « **Reply #21 on:** 18 May 2011, 03:53 am »

^^^^^

Whipped!!!

HsvHeelFan · « **Reply #22 on:** 18 May 2011, 04:24 am »

Re: Can an audiophile be happily married ?

Absolutely! Mrs. HsvHeelFan was an equal partner in my initial audio purchases in 1984, when I really couldn't afford it.

She has a good ear and over the years, learned how to listen to audio and what I was ( and wasn't ) looking for in audio.

When my 1984 vintage integrated amp started having problems, she encouraged me to find another amp or amp/pre-amp setup.

When I was able to borrow a Bryston 4B-ST in August of 2001, she said "That sounds really good!". All I did was replace my Integrated amp with the 4B-ST and a Parasound pre-amp.

That began the search for a dealer to purchase a 4B-ST from. I drove to Homewood AL (a suburb of Birmingham) and didn't like that dealer, so we went to the Bryston dealer in Franklin, TN (a Nashville suburb).

I purchased my Bryston 4B-ST the 3rd weekend of September in 2001.

HsvHeelFan

nikon · « **Reply #23 on:** 18 May 2011, 05:03 am »

Married for 35 years (met and dated in high school)

No kids

Bryston fanatic for 31 years

Pez · « **Reply #24 on:** 18 May 2011, 05:12 am »

Quote from: werd on 18 May 2011, 03:53 am

^^^^^

Whipped!!!

Forever alone.

werd · « **Reply #25 on:** 18 May 2011, 05:38 am »

Quote from: Pez on 18 May 2011, 05:12 am

Forever alone.

You too... whipped.

alexone · « **Reply #26 on:** 18 May 2011, 07:31 am »

...yes, with his own equipment

al.

Vipers · « **Reply #27 on:** 18 May 2011, 11:05 am »

Quote from: Bill O'Connell on 18 May 2011, 03:20 am

Today my wife and I celebrated 36 years of marriage

Not quite 36 years but today my wife and I are celebrating 8 years and luckily for me she is a total audiophile.

When we went to a PMC/Bryston open day last year and she was so blown away by the active PMC BB5 XBD's she was very keen to upgrade our 4B SST2/EB1i combo to 7B SST2/MB2i's, obviously I was happy to oblige

woodsyi · « **Reply #28 on:** 18 May 2011, 12:42 pm »

I don't go behind my wife's back. I don't need to. We decided to keep separate checking accounts with independent discretionary funds. Neither of us wants to pry into the each others' every little nook and cranny. We assign responsibilities on our annual budget (I always take the big ticket items that goes out automatically from my checking) and the rest is for me to spend as I want to. Same for her. That's the beauty of getting married later in your life.

zybar · « **Reply #29 on:** 18 May 2011, 12:46 pm »

Quote from: woodsyi on 18 May 2011, 12:42 pm

I don't go behind my wife's back. I don't need to. We decided to keep separate checking accounts with independent discretionary funds. Neither of us wants to pry into the each others' every little nook and cranny. We assign responsibilities on our annual budget (I always take the big ticket items that goes out automatically from my checking) and the rest is for me to spend as I want to. Same for her. That's the beauty of getting married later in your life.

This is exactly how my wife and I do it.

No issues at all with us as we just celebrated our 10th anniversary.

BTW, my wife is not an audiophile...in fact, she almost never even listens to my stereo.

George

TKLP · « **Reply #30 on:** 18 May 2011, 12:56 pm »

Married 29 years. My wife usually goes with me when I'm looking at gear, she's into it. She's been present for just about every audio purchase I've made. I wouldn't think of keeping her in the dark about a gear purchase, but she's never raised an objection either. I don't spend as much as a lot of people do though.

headshrinker2 · « **Reply #31 on:** 18 May 2011, 01:34 pm »

This is a great post. Interesting to read all the responses.

I think there are three challenging part to being the spouse of an audiophile. First, we tend to be rather obsessive about our hobby. Second, the stuff is WAY more expensive than shoes or purses. It is pretty darn difficult to logically justify the money we spend on this hobby. Third, our hobby often pulls our ears and attention away from others in the household. At least for me, music listening does not tend to be a social event.

If I had to guess the things a spouse/wife would care the most about would be trust- including purchases, and not feeling like we are disappearing into our man caves for unreasonable periods of time. Men need their man caves, most women understand that. If the funds are there, and the wife is feeling love, connection and respect, the odds are good that all will be well. And we stand a better chance of getting "lucky" too...

P.S. To you young unmarried guys, buy a really big flatscreen NOW... don't wait until after you get married.

rollo · « **Reply #32 on:** 18 May 2011, 03:02 pm »

We will be married 40 years in 2012. For me being a bit older than most here I grew up with a different outlook on marriage. Married an old fasioned Woman. We were raised in homes where the Man was the dominant figure. Mom controlled the house and the kids and Dad brought home the bacon.
When we grew up during the mid Sixties the Hippie movement caught me and changed my values of Woman and marriage. Meaning a 50/50 partnership in everything. My wife however did not buy it

. How lucky is that.
So as the King of the Castle never have I been questioned on spending for Audio. so no need to hide a thing which I would not do anyway. We survive on trust and love, not money. Today my Wife works 9 to 5 and I cook and clean and play Golf. It all works out, what goes around comes around.

charles

Diamond Dog · « **Reply #33 on:** 18 May 2011, 03:11 pm »

Quote from: PRELUDE on 18 May 2011, 12:56 am

I was just putting up a very nice all BRYSTON system for a good friend and I was in charge to make the speakers and the sub.But everything went to hell when his wife find out and right now I am bigest enemy for her because I make her husband to spend a lot of money on audio.He just called me with a very upset voice that it is over and we cannot do it.I asked him Why? And he told me because his wife find out about it.I asked him again,Did you tell her about this or no? And he said no.
I told him,but you do not think she would see it any way.He said that he was going to hide it for now.
How the hell you can hide this?
6BSST2,BCD-1,BP26,10B SUB and a pair speakers and a sub.

Sounds like the premise for a bad sitcom :
How the hell can you hide this ? Find out the hilarious answer on Audiophools - the side-splitting new comedy series coming this fall to ABC !

Here's hoping for a happy ending.

D.D.

elmalloc · « **Reply #34 on:** 18 May 2011, 03:38 pm »

Prelude's story is pathetic!

viggen · « **Reply #35 on:** 18 May 2011, 04:20 pm »

I think it depends on each person's own situation.

If a person is well off and has his own stereo room, I don't think the significant other has anything to complain about.

OTOH, if money is a little tight and/or the couple have shared living space, I think they should discuss before hand.

It wouldn't bother me one bit if my wife came home in a new car as long as it is a once in a blue moon event and our check book balances.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #36 on:** 18 May 2011, 04:41 pm »

In a marriage, "forgiveness" is relative. And a woman's memory is long.....................

Edit: Just cause you ask for forgiveness doesn't mean you'll get it. And it can come with a high price.

TheChairGuy · « **Reply #37 on:** 18 May 2011, 05:07 pm »

We give no 'presents' to one another for XMas, birthdays, anniversaries or anything else anymore....a simple card and thanks or congrats will do (19 year married + 3 years dating prior)

Our attitude is that we have for want of nothing but honesty with one another...and we're fortunate to be able to buy as needed when we want and need for ourselves (within reason)

We're both prudent in our purchases - we both respect that money is finite as is our time on earth - so we buy what we need to make us content.

So, although I pay the bills (write the checks, etc and we have joint accounts with everything except IRA/Individual Retirement Accounts) and have access to her various accounts - I assume what she buys she needs and I know she's prudent with purchases. I look over credit card statements for indication of fraud or negligence of some kind...but that's all.

I haven't found the need to invest much in audio the past couple years as I'm pretty happy with the sounds I'm getting here now. Other matters outweigh audio matters these days, too

John

Jerrin · « **Reply #38 on:** 18 May 2011, 05:17 pm »

My wife is probably more of a audiophile than I am. While I can get caught up in the technical aspects of this hobby, she just enjoys sitting back and listening to her favorite tunes. She goes with me to several audio gatherings, most recently Axpona. However, while I'm drooling over various equipment, she just wants to hear it. Once she does, she either likes it, or does not. I've gotten her to the point where she can now tell me why she does and does not like something. We make time every week to sit for an hour or two and just listen to music. It's nice having a hobby that the two of us can enjoy together.

All of this just to say that she doesn't really have a problem with my expenditures, as she knows I'll never spend more than we need to or can afford.

sfraser · « **Reply #39 on:** 18 May 2011, 05:49 pm »

Both my wife and i have individual bank accounts with one joint account. She really does care what i buy, what does bother her is if i buy things that exclude her or take me away from the house. She does not mind listening to music, but a ghetto blaster is as good as a bryston to her. Between traveling 40k miles a year for work,and my snowmobiling, hunting, fishing, and hockey games i guess I see the point when she frowns when i mention i want to buy an ATV, or build a sound room.