My mom didn't know who I was......Or what planet she was on......

Wayner · « **on:** 19 Apr 2011, 10:41 pm »

[font=&quot]Alzheimer’s is a very unpleasant end to a parents life. On Sunday, my mom had no idea who I was, or where she was or for that matter, or what planet she was on.

I think at this point, it is a crushing blow. What a horrible disease it is. Sometimes I try to understand why some of these things happen, but I just cant put any logic to it.

What a way to see someone waste away. I feel so dis-connected from my family.

W
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Wayner · « **Reply #1 on:** 19 Apr 2011, 10:44 pm »

Evil spirits right now are F'g p my first post........

Wayner · « **Reply #2 on:** 19 Apr 2011, 10:50 pm »

I have now fixed my post, sorry about the bad word. I hope every one can fix their posts.'

Wayner

martyo · « **Reply #3 on:** 19 Apr 2011, 11:20 pm »

Quote from: Wayner on 19 Apr 2011, 10:41 pm

[font=&quot]Alzheimer’s is a very unpleasant end to a parents life. On Sunday, my mom had no idea who I was, or where she was or for that matter, or what planet she was on.

I think at this point, it is a crushing blow. What a horrible disease it is. Sometimes I try to understand why some of these things happen, but I just cant put any logic to it.

What a way to see someone waste away. I feel so dis-connected from my family.

W
[/font][/size][/size]

So sorry to hear this Wayne. It is a horrible disease and there is no logic to it.
We hope for peace for you and your family.

elmalloc · « **Reply #4 on:** 19 Apr 2011, 11:24 pm »

Does she remember long term at all? I'm sorry to hear this, I can't imagine. My grandpa had the same thing and I don't know how my dad dealt with it.

JLM · « **Reply #5 on:** 19 Apr 2011, 11:38 pm »

My mom had memory loss (dementia) too. Thankfully she passed from internal bleeding and had only early stages of the disease. The day she looked at my daughter and couldn't remember her name was the day I admitted mom had a problem.

I attended about a year's worth of Alzheimer support meetings. There will be good days and bad. Treasure the good, be strong for her, and learn to stay sharp for your own future.

timind · « **Reply #6 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 12:40 am »

Sorry to hear this Wayner. Very sad indeed.
My mother has been suffering from Alzheimers for the last few years. Even though we all know it is progressive she seems to have leveled off and stayed at the same level. Very sad to see a woman in fairly good physical health losing touch with reality.

ratso · « **Reply #7 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 12:49 am »

i am still convinced this is the cruelest of all diseases. just try to remember that your mom appreciates all you do for her now when she can no longer fend for herself. also try to keep in mind that your mom is who she was in your memories, not who she is at this moment. take care.

bside123 · « **Reply #8 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 12:51 am »

Sorry, to hear of your situation Wayne. Difficult and painful indeed. We've been through these challenges in our family as well... hurts when it's so close as in "Mom."

trebejo · « **Reply #9 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 01:21 am »

Oh Wayner, I'm sorry to hear that. This is one of the toughest things to see, Mom debilitated in this way. This may be one of those things that are easier to handle if they happen to ourselves than to someone we love, but that's not an option.

I don't have faith in many things (I'm too sceptical for that), but somehow it seems that the conveyance of love transcends verbal communication. May your Mom know time and again now that she is loved.

Take care...

johzel · « **Reply #10 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 01:38 am »

Might I recommend this resource:
The 36-Hour Day : A Family Guide to Caring for Persons With Alzheimer Disease, Related Dementing Illnesses, and Memory Loss in Later Life by Nancy Mace

Here's an Amazon link:

http://www.amazon.com/36-Hour-Day-Alzheimer-Dementing-Illnesses/dp/0446610410

I lost my father to Alzheimers in late January after 5 years. It's one of the few diseases no one recovers from. My heart goes out to anyone who is touched by memory illnesses . . . fortunantely, there's plenty good care out there and many people who understand and provide support. People used to ask me why I visited my father so often . . . "he doesn't remember anyway" . . . to which I'd reply, what makes you think I visited my father only for him . . . I always found some joy in our visits . . . and felt better for it. Be well and take good care.

Phil A · « **Reply #11 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 01:51 am »

Really sorry to hear about that. An old girlfriend from in marketing for an assisted living place for alzheimers. They used to have a dance/social once a month at night and I used to go to help all the time. It's really sad. Some of the higher functioning individuals you would never know much of the time. The mother and wife of an old boss also had alzheimers. It's very tough to deal with.

rcag_ils · « **Reply #12 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 02:04 am »

Quote

i am still convinced this is the cruelest of all diseases.

Not even close, try luekemia (AML) the worst kind. It's sad to have disease like this, but it's also the sad reality of getting old.

JerryM · « **Reply #13 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 03:02 am »

Heartbreaking.

My best thoughts tonight will be for you and your Mom, Wayner.

dlaloum · « **Reply #14 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 05:51 am »

It is very very hard...

My grandfather died about 5 years ago - he did not recognise me at all for the last 4 years or so.

In the last 2 weeks he made a huge effort, recognised each and every one of us in the family - said goodbye to us all an then - left. (it was clearly a conscious decision)
He had suffered from years of Alzheimers, and no longer recognised any member of the family in the last couple of years - although he did remember that these people were close.

Now my grandmother is in the same situation - being looked after 24 hrs by my mother and uncle together - when I come to visit, the first thing my uncle says is - look here is your grandson David come to visit.... it gives her a reference point and a name.
Every day he pages through a set of family photo's with her - among the photo's are shots of my grandfather - their love affair lasted over 70 years.... She broke into tears because she could not remember who this man was. (Grandma is now 96, we do not know whether she will make it to 97)

It is hard on everyone concerned - but her affection for all members of the family is unaffected - she may not remember who we are, but she does remember that we are important to her - and much like grandad the emotions are still there, even though the memory is gone.
(She suffers a mini-stroke every couple of weeks, and every time she loses a bit more)

All the best - I really do know what you are going through....

bye for now

David

putz · « **Reply #15 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 06:04 am »

Wayne,

My Mom had dementia. When my Dad was dying of cancer, he knew Mom was slipping and he made us promise him we would look out for her no matter what happened. We had a West Indian woman live with her for a while and eventually moved her into an Assisted Living facility nearby that specialized in dementia. We would visit her as often as possible and brought the kids with us. Some days she would be out of it and other days she just lit up when she saw her Grandkids walk in the door and gave them a great big hug. We would pick her up and bring her to our house for parties and holidays. She had good days and bad days. Make the most of the good ones and be prepared for less of them as things progress.

We all get old and eventually we get sick and die. Some of us go peacefully and others suffer miserably. It's never fair. Love her for who she is now and remember how she used to be. She's still the same person and she doesn't love you any less because of her illness.

Wayner · « **Reply #16 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 11:57 am »

Thanks for the support, I'll try to keep those things in mind when I visit her. I also have a sister-in-law that was a teacher for the deaf that began acting weird a couple of years ago. She is now at about a 2 year old level. She really likes to sing "In heaven there is no beer" and "Bottle of wine". Turns out her brain is dying. You can tell that it's affecting other autonomic functions, as she now has a drooped posture and her gums are eroding, face is pulling downward.

I do not have any clue what causes this, hopefully not beer, or I'm in big trouble. Because its so common, I think the cause is something common, like floride in the water, or copper water pipes or who knows what.

The couple that run the home where mom is are retired Marines. She is a nurse, and he is the "strong man" of the 15 unit complex. I ran into my old little league baseball coach in there, Ole.

The strange thing is that both of my grandmothers lived to be 97 years old and their minds were sharp as tacks, until their tickers just gave out, so again, I wonder where the alzhimers came from.

Wayner

bacobits1 · « **Reply #17 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 01:33 pm »

Wayne extremely tough situation, very sorry!

My sis-in -law had Alzheimers too we do not know where she got it. No one else in the family
had anything like it. But she lived all her life on Cape Cod. She lasted almost 2 years deteriorating till she could no longer eat. A human can go 21 days without food, it was exactly 21 days she lasted. Of course everything was taken care of as far as NO feeding tubes etc. Just terrible seeing the awful change. I lost my mother Feb 2010, that was not an easy one either. Pancreatic cancer.

The older we get (baby boomer here) the more around us disappear. My father is going to be 86 this June and the body breaks down at that age and all kinds of problems just develop. I guess there are not many of us that go peacefully anymore. It is scarey too. None of us want to land in a situation like that.

Hang in there and stay close to family, minister etc.

Den

festuss · « **Reply #18 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 01:58 pm »

Let's keep drinking the chemicals in the water supply, the air, the junk food, you are what you eat, and breathe. Modern society has done itself in. Antibiotics made people live longer, so we fill the air and water with chemicals the body can't deal with, thus all kinds of modern diseases. Nature always wins. solve one thing create 3 more problems. We live longer, and then get all kinds of problems that didn't exist 100 years ago.

AVnerdguy · « **Reply #19 on:** 20 Apr 2011, 02:21 pm »

So sorry to hear about your mother. More of us boomers are or have dealt with this as the folks are living longer. My mother in law slowly faded away over the course of 5 years and my best friend’s mother is in a similar situation. Don’t know why them as nobody else in the family had the issue. Just a mystery.

If there is anything special they like to do it can help ease the burden. We used to visit and sit and play the piano with mom. She couldn’t remember much but when we put her in front of the keyboard she was transformed. My friend’s mom likes to read children’s books to the kids. We don’t believe she can really read them and probably has memorized them over the years it still helps and you can see the joy it brings them.

All you can do is keep on and try to be strong for them. And, take care of yourself.