Notlob (to camera) It is a mad psychiatrist.
Psychiatrist I'm not. I'm not. Come on in. Take a seat. What's, what's the matter?
Cut to Napoleon in limbo; he blows a raspberry.
Psychiatrist Now what's the matter?
Notlob Well I keep hearing guitars playing and people singing when there's no one around.
Psychiatrist Yes, well this is not at all uncommon. In certain mental states we find that auditory hallucinations occur which are of a most ... (he steps suddenly and listens; the sound of 'We're all going to the zoo tomorrow' is heard) Is that 'We're all going to the zoo tomorrow'?
Notlob Yes. Yes.
Psychiatrist Is it always that?
Notlob No.
Psychiatrist Well that's something.
Notlob But it's mainly folk songs.
Psychiatrist (concerned) Oh my God.
Notlob Last night I had 'I'll never fall in love again' for six hours.
Psychiatrist Well look, I think I'd better have a second opinion on this. I want you to see a colleague of mine, a specialist in these sort of things, who has an office very much like this one as a matter of fact.
Jump cut off same office now occupied by a surgeon. Start on portrait which has moustache and beard and glasses being added by surgeon.
Surgeon Brr brr (picks up phone) No, no wrong number I'm a colleague of his, a surgeon, who specializes in these kind of things. Yes thank you very much. (replaces phone) Next please. (knock at door) Come in. (Notlob enters; 'Going to the zoo' is faintly heard) Ah come in, please take a seat. (cut to terribly quick shot of Napoleon, then back) My colleague who has a similar office has explained your case to me (he is rising from seat) Mr Notlob, as you know I am a leading Harley Street surgeon as seen on television. (he puts needle down on ancient gramophone; Dr Kildare theme begins playing) I'm afraid I'm going to have to operate. It's nothing to worry about although it is extremely dangerous. I shall be juggling with your life, I shall be playing ducks and drakes with your very existence, I shall be running me mitts over the pith of your marrow. Yes! These hands, these fingers, these sophisticated organs of touch, these bunches of five, these maulers, these German bands that have pulled many a moribund unfortunate back from the very brink of Lazarus's box. No, it was Pandora's box wasn't it? Well anyway these mitts have earned yours truly a lot of bread. So if you'll just step through here I'll slit you up a treat.
Notlob What?
Surgeon Mr Notlob, there's nothing wrong with you that an expensive operation can't prolong.
