[woodsyi]

I received an e-mail from a friend this morning.  We are good friends who are reciprocal godparent to our girls and we will be visiting them next month in Connecticut.  The e-mail was about the death of a mutual friend, a fraternity brother, who was in our class.  I was surprised and saddened by the news but I didn't think much of it as he sort of drifted away after school and we had lost touch.  Then as the day went on I kept thinking about him.  I remember the first time we met in our dorm on the first day of being on our own.  He was always very quiet and had a sense of innocence about him.  I remember him writing every day to his "sweet pea" back home.  I remember his breakup, little things like going to dinner together, playing in intramural teams, rushing and joining the same house.  Looking back, he and I were not close buddies but he was in the periphery.  Then I remember that he once came to me to ask about what he should do with life after school.  We talked but I couldn't really tell him what to do as I didn't even know what I was going to do really.  We lost touch and I last heard that he was somewhere in Maryland Easternshore teaching about 10 years ago.  Then today I heard that he passed away. 

The more I think about it, the sadder I become.  He was a good person -- a little wide eyed, unassuming guy who never put himself forward.  The more I think about it, I think I should have made the effort to stay in touch with him.  It was always me and another who instigated things and he just followed.  Did he tried to get in touch with me but coudn't when I was grieving from losing my father? I wonder what happened to him in the twenty years since our graduation:  had he married, with children, and what about his then elderly  parents?  How did he handle their deaths (as it must have happened since they were older than usual)?  I wish I was there for him when he might have had a use for a friend.  As all these little things come pouring out, I realize that he had a bigger place my life than I was aware of.  I am sorry Dan for not being there and good bye, old friend.  Rest in Peace. 

This also brings home the point of mortality smack in my face.  It's one thing to deal with my father's death at a young age and coming to terms with that.  It's another thing to deal with a death of your peer.  This is my first brush with a friend's death.  It could just well have been me.    I am getting to that age group where death and infirmity will start to creep into my circle of friends.  It's not a pleasant realization.  Laughing and joking about old bones creaking is not funny anymore.  Frankly, I personally am stoic about my own end, but I don't want to leave those I love behind who loves me and needs me.  I better take care of myself.

As I write this I am listening to Rodrigo's Concierto de Aranjuez on my fancy 2 channel set up.  My wife has gone to bed and my 4 year daughter is asleep in her own bed with a stuffed unicorn.  There is something very soothing about the adagio movement on this piece.  Could it somehow be that the composer found a way to put his dealings with his infirmity (blindness) in his music?  In moments like this I appreciate the power of music to sooth your soul.  I also realize that the little pittance in performance that we talk about here is really not that big a deal in the big scheme of things.  It's time for me to quit worrying about 3dbs here and there and listen to music.  But more importantly, it's time for me spend more time with my family and friends.  And it's time to reflect and reach out and touch those I have neglected.

[sturgus]

Thank you for putting in words that which is often thought of but seldom said.
Sturgus

[Russell Dawkins]

very well said, woodsyi

Speaking for myself, too often have old friends of mine or my parents died without my being aware that this was imminent.

In many cases there were things I would like to have been able to say that had gone unsaid.

[Kevin Haskins]

Nothing quite like the realization of our mortality to bring things into focus.   I think we have a natural tendency to avoid the thought of it, to an unhealthy degree often.   We all owe it to ourselves to take opportunities like that to refocus how we are living our lives and redirect them towards the things that are eternally important rather than superficially so.   

[woodsyi]

I am glad a couple of you thought it was worth the read.  I am one of those people that use writing as a tool to focus my thoughts.  I find that I have to organize and think through the chains of thoughts if am to write anything that I am willing to put down in ink (so to speak ).  In the beginning I would need a partner to bounce ideas back and forth but at the end I have to compose my thoughts in writing if I am going to make it a lesson learned.  So, this was a cathartic exercise for me to put in writing what I was feeling.  With a little time to smooth the edges off raw emotions, I see where I kind of put down a lot of us here by pooping on our never ending quest for the holy grail of sonic bliss.  I will qualify my statement by saying  that any hobby would seem insignificant in those rare moments when any one of us face the stark reality of our existential finitude. 

I could go on about the findings of my reflections but I will share just the ones concerning my audio hobby.   I didn't discover anything new -- I just needed a reminder to keep my hobby a hobby and accept that fact.  As the phrase holy grail implies, this hobby has no ending and I don't need to keep rushing to get somewhere.  I will continue to tweak and try things but I am going to enjoy everything I do whenever I get a chance to do so.  But I will tell you one thing -- I will limit my analysis of sound and expand my listening and enjoying of music.  With the one hundred boxed sets of Opera LPs (great catch BTW!  ) I picked up last weekend, I am getting further behind in my goal to listen to everything I have.  I better get going....

[Marbles]

I also realize that the little pittance in performance that we talk about here is really not that big a deal in the big scheme of things.  It's time for me to quit worrying about 3dbs here and there and listen to music.  But more importantly, it's time for me spend more time with my family and friends.  And it's time to reflect and reach out and touch those I have neglected.

I could go on about the findings of my reflections but I will share just the ones concerning my audio hobby.   I didn't discover anything new -- I just needed a reminder to keep my hobby a hobby and accept that fact.  As the phrase holy grail implies, this hobby has no ending and I don't need to keep rushing to get somewhere.  I will continue to tweak and try things but I am going to enjoy everything I do whenever I get a chance to do so.  But I will tell you one thing -- I will limit my analysis of sound and expand my listening and enjoying of music.  With the one hundred boxed sets of Opera LPs (great catch BTW!  ) I picked up last weekend, I am getting further behind in my goal to listen to everything I have.  I better get going....

Wonderfully well said!!

[macrojack]

When the subject of critical listening arises, I always think, "Who the hell am I to be critical? I should just be grateful for what I have". Then I go buy something new.

[TheChairGuy]

woodsyi,

A high school buddy, who went to college with me, too (and I became great friends with his roommate, too) perished at age 26, married with a young one at home and another on the way.  He died via an auto accident.

I've had relatives die (I'm the youngest in my family by 10 years, born to my Mom when she was 38, so most of the parents, uncles, cousins, etc) are/were considerably older than I.  Whenever a family member died, however tragic, I chalked it up to 'old age' and I went about my day.

But, Jim died but 3-4 years after graduation....he was the first among us to marry, have kids, settle down. He was also the first of us to split from the posse 

Whenever I get too anal retentive on a subjective I can draw from this and other life experiences to re-focus my attention on the better things: family, business, healthy living and the appreciation that it won't last forever.

So, I get what you're going thru and understand where you are in relation to your hobby.

Trying to inject a bit of levity into an otherwise bleak post....a good lap dance can also re-formulate your current consciousness for the better 


 

[LadyDog]

Very well said Woodsyi.  Far to many take life for granted, know I do far too many times. 

Reminds me a bit of Andy's signature line and one that is in large display in my house, especially with having littles ones such as you do.

Priorites:
100 years from now it will not matter what car I drive, the size of the house I live in, or the money I have in the bank.  What will matter is if the world is a better place because I lived, and made a differance in the life of a child.

I too take comfort sometimes in putting pen to paper and expressing whatever is needed.  Hang in there.

Best Regards,
Jeff 

[woodsyi]

Gentlemen,

Thank you for your support.  I will be fine.  I am thankful for what I have and I am going to be one of those touchy feely relatives or friends who go around giving hugs and kisses for the next few days.