I received an e-mail from a friend this morning. We are good friends who are reciprocal godparent to our girls and we will be visiting them next month in Connecticut. The e-mail was about the death of a mutual friend, a fraternity brother, who was in our class. I was surprised and saddened by the news but I didn't think much of it as he sort of drifted away after school and we had lost touch. Then as the day went on I kept thinking about him. I remember the first time we met in our dorm on the first day of being on our own. He was always very quiet and had a sense of innocence about him. I remember him writing every day to his "sweet pea" back home. I remember his breakup, little things like going to dinner together, playing in intramural teams, rushing and joining the same house. Looking back, he and I were not close buddies but he was in the periphery. Then I remember that he once came to me to ask about what he should do with life after school. We talked but I couldn't really tell him what to do as I didn't even know what I was going to do really. We lost touch and I last heard that he was somewhere in Maryland Easternshore teaching about 10 years ago. Then today I heard that he passed away.
The more I think about it, the sadder I become. He was a good person -- a little wide eyed, unassuming guy who never put himself forward. The more I think about it, I think I should have made the effort to stay in touch with him. It was always me and another who instigated things and he just followed. Did he tried to get in touch with me but coudn't when I was grieving from losing my father? I wonder what happened to him in the twenty years since our graduation: had he married, with children, and what about his then elderly parents? How did he handle their deaths (as it must have happened since they were older than usual)? I wish I was there for him when he might have had a use for a friend. As all these little things come pouring out, I realize that he had a bigger place my life than I was aware of. I am sorry Dan for not being there and good bye, old friend. Rest in Peace.
This also brings home the point of mortality smack in my face. It's one thing to deal with my father's death at a young age and coming to terms with that. It's another thing to deal with a death of your peer. This is my first brush with a friend's death. It could just well have been me.
I am getting to that age group where death and infirmity will start to creep into my circle of friends. It's not a pleasant realization. Laughing and joking about old bones creaking is not funny anymore. Frankly, I personally am stoic about my own end, but I don't want to leave those I love behind who loves me and needs me. I better take care of myself.
As I write this I am listening to Rodrigo's Concierto de Aranjuez on my fancy 2 channel set up. My wife has gone to bed and my 4 year daughter is asleep in her own bed with a stuffed unicorn. There is something very soothing about the adagio movement on this piece. Could it somehow be that the composer found a way to put his dealings with his infirmity (blindness) in his music? In moments like this I appreciate the power of music to sooth your soul. I also realize that the little pittance in performance that we talk about here is really not that big a deal in the big scheme of things. It's time for me to quit worrying about 3dbs here and there and listen to music. But more importantly, it's time for me spend more time with my family and friends. And it's time to reflect and reach out and touch those I have neglected.
