Well, I don't know about all that, but I would like to relate a test experience of my own.
After purchasing some expensive Vandersteens, which according to the higher echelons of audio gear review (a position established in part by Vandersteen's own advertising dollars) are extremely desirable, I decided to run my own tweak reviews. I based my methodologies upon conventional wisdoms of the day.
While the 'Steens are know for sounding "sweet," I wanted to determine if there was potential for more "sweetness." After all, if some is good, would not more be even better? I listened critically to the song "Sweet Emotion" by Aerosmith, then dissolved some pure cane sugar and some powdered sugar in separate pots of water. I sprayed the solutions upon the midrange cones of the 'Steens and let it dry into a crystalline coating: Granular sugar on the left and powdered sugar on the right. True to reason, the speakers sounded sweeter, although I am hesitant to conclude that the change was a technical improvement. The left speaker (granular) did seem to have a sharper, more defined nature. The right speaker (powdered) seemed a bit cloudy and choked.
Encouraged by my newfound ability to make quality transducers perform differently by doing senseless, destructive things to them, I decided to treat the woofers cryogencically. I surely did sense a brittle, fragile nature to the sound following the exercise. I was, of course, unable to provide a subzero ambience for extended playing periods, and was in fact frustrated by the fact that my CD player seemed stuck on "Hot Blooded" by Foreigner.
Wanting to reinstate the booming bass of the pre-cryogenic woofers, I borrowed a truck mounted pumpkin cannon and discharged a round into each of the woofers, within my listening room. This certainly did restore, at least for a portion of a second, the subsonic nature of my beloved 'Steens. However, the local constabulary dedicated much of the next few days of my life to some rather pointless incarceration and review, and I was unable to provide much followup listening.
I understand that tweeters also benefit from various, apparently random "tweaks" and manipultions. High frequencies, being quite directional and therefore critical to a soundstage/spatial presentation, seem natural targets for treatment by very directional, coherent light. Therefore, I acquired a 2,000 watt laser for the afternoon. It took a very short treatment period...perhaps 1/1,500th of a second, and sure enough, the tweeters did emit a most certain effect that distributed quickly and evenly throughout the room. After silencing the fire alarms and resetting circuit breakers, I had to spend some time consoling my family who had decided to take an unanounced vacation to another state...but that's a different story.
In considering the damage to my Vandersteen trophies, which was considerable (due mostly to the effects of the pumpkin cannon treatment), I purchased yet another pair. After all, what is $17K to an audio purist?
Further experiments included the pursuit of a "tight" sound, achieved by wrapping the speakers in shrink wrap and duct tape, a "clarity of detail" best sensed inside of my new hyperbaric room, and a 'bright, but not metallic" high frequency performance established by flooding the speakers with heatlamps while playing "Blinded by the Light" ("wrapped up like a douche in the middle of the night"), which seemed oddly appropriate because it makes absolutely no sense at all.
I also experimented with some issues that are perhaps less acceptable to the high fidelity audio community than those already listed. For example, we sacrificed a selection of chickens, lizards, and small rodents from a neighboring field in a fairly contemporary Wiccan ritual for sonic health, but the odors of the sacrifices necessitated evacuating the listening room and thus cut short our party. Channeling the first pair of Vandersteens (from beyond the landfill, so to speak) only produced mysterious suggestions to pour molten metal onto my neighbor's Thiels and Apogees and then smother them in the processed remains of diseased cattle. This I really couldn't decipher, but I'm relieved that my KEF's escaped mention. Wow...just wait 'til he gets home, though, eh?!
Next: What we do to repair our amplifiers when they sound "flat", and how peanut butter can be used to stabilize turntable platter speeds.
