[Rick Craig]

"The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter."

[mresseguie]

That's funny.

In my previous neighborhood outside of Taipei, the garbage truck used to play the Phantom of the Opera...every....single....night.... It was cute the first week or two, but ten years? Fuggedaboudit! 

[srb]

"The ice cream truck in my neighborhood plays Helter Skelter."

"I invented the cordless extension cord."

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

"What's another word for Thesaurus?"

[rockadanny]

comic genius 

[Speedskater]

Much better at stand-up than as a guest on a late night show.

[redskinsfan]

My dental hygienist is smoking hot. An hour before my teeth cleaning appointment I eat a whole bag of oreo cookies.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

[Russell Dawkins]

..."I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add..."
..."when I die, I'm gonna leave my body to science fiction..."
..."I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it...."

https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/s/steven_wright.html

[jopagi]

My sister was in the Carlisle MA library with her 4-year old daughter a few years ago, and she saw Stephen Wright there (I think he lives in that area).  My niece was running around handing books to people, and she handed one to Stephen.   He looked down at it and saw it was a pop psychology book.  He muttered "Oh that's hilarious".
 

Whenever I go to visit my sister now I try to check out the library for a SW sighting.   No luck so far, but I'll keep trying!

[gregfisk]

Steven Wright is by far my favorite comedian, I saw him in Seattle about 10 years ago. He sat in a large soft chair with a small side table, my gut hurt the whole next day and maybe the next. His Humor is Dry and Genius!

[Rick Craig]

I watch the Stones every chance I get. Fred and Barney.

[gregfisk]

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child... eventually.

[milosz]

Watch Steven Wright in this clip from Jim Jarmusch's film "Coffee and Cigarettes"  https://youtu.be/ggqrEMtA3TU

[Mudslide]

"I'm not afraid of heights.  I'm afraid of widths."