Tyson,
First off, I would tell you not to take anything anyone has to say about your experience too seriously – including myself. I am no “guru,” that’s for sure! No man knows your life or what you have been through. God alone knows your life, your heart and your experiences. In the end, He alone is the only “guide” we can trust.
If you were to ask my advice concerning your particular situation, I would share from what little wisdom I possess. I’m sure many will take issue with this, but I will try to only share what I feel I have been lead to say by the “Spirit of God” that guides my thoughts. Sometimes I don’t permit God to speak through me as I should, but for your sake I will try to put my own opinions and thoughts aside.
Fundamentally, acting in this manner constitutes the role of a “priest.” Although I am not in any way ordained by any ecclesiastical body, nor qualified in my own eyes to esteem myself as one, nonetheless, in the context of trying to help you I am operating within the definition of one from a scriptural perspective. This imparts a very serious level of responsibility to me and I am opening myself up to serious consequences should I slip and express my own opinion as though I were speaking for God. If only more ministers would understand the level of responsibility they hold. Many have done far more harm than good to the cause of Christ.
On some level, this is every Christian’s struggle, to put aside his own thoughts and ways, and let God’s Holy Spirit lead him or her. To do so, we must be at peace within and have no selfish interests motivating us .
Enough - So this is what I would tell you: Do not assume that someone must be at fault. If God is truly good, then by default he cannot be. For starters, this would be a good position to take. This simple fact alone takes some small amount of faith to accept. This then becomes the first step and the beginning of your new “faith.”
Secondly, do not assume you are to blame either. Condemnation is a tool of Satan that he uses to turn people away from God. God does not condemn you. Christ died to set us free from condemnation and death. Only Satan keeps a running list of your failings and never ceases to remind you of them.
You should consider that the scriptures teach of an “evil one,” an enemy of both God and man. He is even called “the accuser of the brethren.” If you feel condemnation, consider that it is not God that condemns you, but rather another “voice” inside your mind (or well intending people) trying to convince you that you are not acceptable to God. Satan knows that if he can convince you of this, then you will blame God and turn from Him - and go no further in your quest. The fact that you have not heard God’s voice or have not been given a sign means nothing. Consider that possibly those methods of contact are not the ones God has chosen for you. Often He does use them with some but I know of many that have experienced neither – yet they have still come to know God in a very personal way.
I will now dare to take upon myself the role of “priest” and stand in the place of God. I tell you that not only does God not condemn you, but neither do I. Sometimes we need more than an invisible God to meet our needs, sometimes we need to feel Him, touch Him and hear His voice. For this purpose (amongst many others) He has placed His Holy Spirit in the hearts of men, so that they then can... become the “God of flesh and blood” that from time to time we all need. Not God himself per se, but a reflection of God in the flesh. Tyson, I forgive you – whatever it may be that you may need (or have needed) forgiveness for. Yet, not I, but it is Christ that dwells within me that forgives you.
There, it is done. Whatever burden of guilt that you may have carried is history and
“cast as far as the east is from the west and remembered no more forever.” I know, this sounds crazy and on top of that you may not "feel" any different at all right now. It makes no difference, this has nothing to do (directly) with feelings. Rather, it is a matter of spiritual "fact." Actually, there is no need for you to completely understand what I have just done - for the moment - but you will in time though.
For those that would say, “How dare I?” or “Who do you think you are?” or "What a nut!" all I can say is – go read your bible. The act of forgiving others is but one of the many acts of authority that believers are entitled to exercise. According to God,
“Whatsoever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatever you release on earth shall be released in heaven.”This now becomes your second step of faith (if you choose to take it). It is for you to believe that you are not condemned at all by God. There may have been a time when your own conscience convicted you because you had no care or consideration for the things of God, but those days are long past or you wouldn’t even care to know now and we wouldn’t be here now. Your desire for truth is your absolution and the evidence of God’s acceptance. You see, God has placed the hunger in your heart to know Him. Jesus said,
“No man comes to the Father but by me, and no man comes to me except the Spirit leads him.” The fact that you want to know is evidence that God’s Holy Spirit is calling you and leading you. This would not happen unless the Father had already seen and judged your heart to be acceptable. Can you believe that God loves and accepts you just as you are? This too takes faith.
The third and final step of faith (at least in the initial phase) is about “making contact.” You state that you have already prayed. Fantastic! You have, in your own level of understanding, made the effort to reach out. I sure won’t tell you that you didn’t “do it right.” But I will tell you this much, God doesn’t require some form of mystical combination of words to hear you. In fact, the scriptures tell us that He knows what we would pray even before we think or ask. But He didn’t say anything back? Well, not yet anyway. Or…did He? I think this is where you may have overlooked something.
If you or anyone else honestly thinks God hasn’t spoken to you – you’re WRONG! He has spoken quite a bit actually, volumes even. Where…when? HIS HOLY SCRIPTURES!!! That’s where and when. He has given us His WORD and it is commonly referred to as the BIBLE. OK, here it comes. Yada, yada, yada… How can you believe a bunch of words written by a bunch of really old dead guys? Yak, yak, yak…I’ve heard it all a million times before. Try it, you’ll like it! Well, maybe not but it is the WORD of God nevertheless. I remember a preacher saying once that, “You’ll never know God any better than you know His Word.” Didn’t I say this process requires some faith? This is obviously a big hurdle for some folks. You say you’ve read it before? Read it again…and again…and again – until God makes His presence known or you go blind – whichever comes first.
The only “proof” I can give that the Bible is the WORD of God…is what the Bible says about itself (some “evidence,” huh?).
“Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the Word of God.” Study the scriptures and see what God has to say about Himself, about you, about everything. Before you do though, ask God to guide your mind and lead you to the true meaning woven within the fabric of the scriptures. I know it doesn’t make much sense to study an old book that’s been re-written probably countless times and all the rest. Try putting all that “logic” aside for a while and “just do it!” You’ll see.
“The wisdom of God is foolishness to this world.”As you read, choose to believe (yes, it is a choice) that God is guiding you in the process. Be open to what you read. If you go in with the mind of a cynic, you’ll receive nothing more than a refined level of cynacism and a bad case of eyestrain. Try to read it with the innocence of a child (not the limited understanding of one though!). I’m not suggesting that you allow yourself to become gullible at all! Jesus said,
“Lest you become as little children, you will in no wise enter into the Kingdom of Heaven.” If something doesn’t make sense, ask God what it means. Expect an answer too, just as a child expects an honest answer from his earthly father to his questions. Oh yeah, be prepared to change your opinions on a lot of things you think you know and/or understand. You might even find yourself being challenged about the way you treat yourself and others. Remember: all bets are off and everything’s open to re-evaluation.
You might be surprised to find that God will honor your diligence in seeking Him, and before long you may even begin to sense His presence. Whatever and whenever, I guarantee that diligence and sincerity will prevail in the end.
Lest any should suggest I’m merely trying to steer you towards my particular brand of religion (Christianity), I would also suggest that at some point you investigate as many other religions as you may be inclined to. By all means, study the Koran, Buddhism, Taoism, and Hinduism, even Satanism! Study them all. Leave no stone unturned. Just remember to trust this “God,” whoever He is, to guide you throughout your coarse of study. If He is real and He loves each of us as per His reputation, He won’t let you be deceived.
Oh boy, I can just hear it now. There will be some folks saying, “You’re convincing him to go and get mixed up in a bunch of false religions. If he gets confused and led astray it will be part your fault.” Nope, don’t believe so at all. Tyson, if you end up a Buddhist or something, well…I hope you’ve found what you’re looking for. But I ain’t scared. If you follow through with half as much sincerity and diligence as I’ve suggested above, it’s my sincere belief that you will come to know
Jesus Christ as your personal savior. I am convinced that the true Word of God can stand up against any doctrine or belief. Before you’re done, you will come to see the truths of Christ’s teachings and become a believer. If not, well…it won’t be the first time I was wrong! Wherever your journey may take you, I pray the Lord will go with you and keep you my friend. And if there's anything else I can do (except free speakers!
), just let me know.
God bless,
-Bob
