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Joke of the Day

mix4fix

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  • Posts: 2723
  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3520 on: 17 May 2026, 07:33 pm »
Pro marriage tip:
If your wife has a dream that you cheated on her, go ahead and cheat on her.

Because, it is your job as a husband to make all her dreams come true.
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mix4fix

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  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3521 on: 30 May 2026, 04:59 pm »
You know you are old when you get upset that they switch the stuff around in the supermarket.
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jschwenker

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  • Posts: 385
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3522 on: 1 Jun 2026, 12:48 pm »
I saw my neighbor stealing my socks off my clothesline.

I was going to confront him, but I got cold feet.
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syzygy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3523 on: 1 Jun 2026, 04:39 pm »
Guy says to his wife, “Want to watch golf, or porn?”. She replies, “Let’s watch porn, you know how to golf”.
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mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3524 on: 4 Jun 2026, 04:30 am »
I always give 100% at work...

Monday - 11%
Tuesday - 24%
Wednesday - 40%
Thursday - 23%
Friday - 2%
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mix4fix

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  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3525 on: 5 Jun 2026, 04:06 pm »
How do you know if your girlfriend is getting to fat?

If she fits in your wife's clothes.
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jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3526 on: 6 Jun 2026, 01:36 pm »
Folks ask: What do I know about Bonsai trees?

Very little.
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mix4fix

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  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3527 on: 19 Jun 2026, 03:50 pm »
How many drinks have you had tonight?

Seven Guinness, fifteen glasses of wine, and uh eleven shots of Tequila.

That's a lot, but that's still no excuse why your wife should be driving.
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jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3528 on: 21 Jun 2026, 03:23 pm »
Not sure if I’m attractive enough to be called a hot mess.

But I’m definitely a room temperature inconvenience.
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jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3529 on: 26 Jun 2026, 02:22 pm »
In Ancient Rome, there were four poisons.

Poisons I, II and III caused instant death.

Poison IV caused constant itching.
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jschwenker

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  • Posts: 385
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3530 on: 10 Jul 2026, 01:25 pm »
So, "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins came on a few minutes ago at work.

I was the ONLY person who did the air drum solo.

I don't wanna work here anymore. I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.
;-)
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Jeff_From_Michigan

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3531 on: 10 Jul 2026, 02:54 pm »
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in the trees?

Because they're very good at it.
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Jeff_From_Michigan

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  • Posts: 490
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3532 on: 10 Jul 2026, 02:57 pm »
A priest, a ballerina and a sumo wrestler walk into a bar together.

Bartender sees them and says "What is this, a joke?"
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