Joke of the Day

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3500 on: 3 Feb 2026, 07:17 am »
Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

JLM

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3501 on: 3 Feb 2026, 03:33 pm »
Sun dials.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3502 on: 5 Feb 2026, 03:03 pm »
I gave the cashier a 50 dollar bill.

He wouldn’t take it - afraid it might be counterfeit.

So I handed him a couple of 30s instead.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3503 on: 16 Feb 2026, 03:39 pm »
I wanted to try one of those non-dairy milks

and I don't know what a magnesia is but …

it makes the cornflakes taste awful.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3504 on: 21 Feb 2026, 03:43 pm »
Studies show that people with high IQs tend to be lazy

- or something like that

… I didn't read the whole article.

ptmconsulting

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3505 on: 22 Feb 2026, 12:46 am »
What's the difference between Garbonzo Beans and Chickpeas?

Nobody likes it when a Garbonzo beans on your face.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3506 on: 22 Feb 2026, 04:36 am »
If I have to pay $7.99 to rent a thirty year old movie off Amazon when I have a Prime subscription, then we should just open Blockbuster.

I'd rather have their employees judge my life choices.

djbnh

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3507 on: 23 Feb 2026, 03:24 pm »
Monday Chuckle.....from snowbound NH🙂

The Best Pubs Are Irish

"As good as this bar is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink."
"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said Patty Sheehan, the Irishman. "Back home in me favorite pub in Galway , the moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. "Did this actually happen to you?

"Not meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen to me sister quite a few times."

toocool4

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3508 on: 24 Feb 2026, 08:43 pm »
I love this funny take of Oran “Juice” Jones - The Rain

If you don’t know the original song, watch the first video then the second to get the context. If you know the song just jump to the second video, it’s funny.

Original https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dZW1C3neao&list=RD9dZW1C3neao&start_radio=1

Funny re-make https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q06tcRae13k

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3509 on: 28 Feb 2026, 06:23 am »
You have a pair of twin sisters. One became a nun, and the other became a hooker.

One kneels for father, the other kneels for daddy.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3510 on: 3 Mar 2026, 12:32 am »
What do you call a dwarf with psychic abilities who is escaping being arrested?

A small medium on the large.

dflee

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3511 on: 3 Mar 2026, 05:48 pm »
What do you call it when you taser a prisoner?

Chaka Khan.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3512 on: 4 Mar 2026, 04:23 pm »
My favorite tobacco shop turned into an apparel store.

Clothes, but no cigar.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3513 on: 9 Mar 2026, 03:02 pm »
So what if I don’t know what the word apocalypse means.

It’s not the end of the world!

Letitroll98

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3514 on: 10 Mar 2026, 11:50 pm »
Today I saw a midget climbing down a prison wall.

I thought to myself, "Well that's a little condescending".

Later when he was captured the news said it was a little confounding.

Sorry.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3515 on: 17 Mar 2026, 02:20 pm »
At the zoo, the animals all have to do chores to earn their keep.

The lion sweeps tonight.

djbnh

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3516 on: 18 Mar 2026, 02:55 pm »



jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3517 on: 5 Apr 2026, 12:21 am »
Gas prices are getting pretty high …

... so I went to a car dealership and test drove 3 cars to get my errands done.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3518 on: 17 May 2026, 07:33 pm »
Pro marriage tip:
If your wife has a dream that you cheated on her, go ahead and cheat on her.

Because, it is your job as a husband to make all her dreams come true.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3519 on: 30 May 2026, 04:59 pm »
You know you are old when you get upset that they switch the stuff around in the supermarket.