[jschwenker]

Space could be full of vampires.

But we will never know because telescopes use mirrors.

[mix4fix]

My uncle has two dobermans. He named them Rolex and Timex.

They are watchdogs.

[I.Greyhound Fan]

My uncle has two dobermans. He named them Rolex and Timex.

They are watchdogs.

Love it!

[jschwenker]

What came first

 - the chicken or the egg?

Actually, it was the rooster.

[mix4fix]

Have you heard about the the new streaming service in Russia?

It's called Nyet-Flix.

[mix4fix]

Cop pulls over a vehicle. He asks, "have you been drinking?".

The man in the passenger seat replies, "three whiskeys, and two beers.".

The cop chuckles and responds, "that's no reason to let your wife drive.".

[jschwenker]

Friend: What was that noise?
Me: My shirt fell.
Friend: It sounded louder than that!
Me: I was in it.

[jschwenker]

10 years ago my friend went camping at Yellowstone and his wife got pregnant.

2 years later he again went Yellowstone camping and again she got pregnant.

After that, he took his wife along for camping.

[mix4fix]

Kids in backseat may cause accident.

Accident in backseat may cause kids.

[jschwenker]

I have a pet tree.

It’s a lot like having a dog

 - but the bark is much quieter.

[jschwenker]

Got called into a meeting with HR today.

Because apparently telling your coworker that you knew he was a C-section baby by the way he avoids labor,

is not acceptable.

[Letitroll98]

A guy in our town was just busted for selling drugs.  And what's shocking is that he's a dentist.
I've been going to him for the past eight years and not once would I have ever suspected that he was a dentist.

[Letitroll98]

A nun is taking a bath when she hears a knock on the door.
A little worried she says, "Who is it it?"
"It's the blind man" he answers.
She says, "Oh well, I guess come on in".
The man comes in, "Nice tits, where do you want the blinds?"