[jschwenker]

A ship from China,

... carrying yo-yos,

... sank six times yesterday.

[jschwenker]

Three tons of hair was stolen from a wig factory.

Police are combing the area.

[mix4fix]

What happens when Ozzy shows his bare buttocks to an angry canine?

"Moon At The Bark"

[Solarflares]

Two pieces of string walk into bar.
One says to the barman - “Two pints of bitter please”.
The barman says - “I can’t serve you.  You’re a piece of string.  Get out”.

He turns to the other one and says - “I suppose you’re a piece of string as well?”

“Fraid not”

[jschwenker]

Two mafia hit-men are walking deep into a forest in the middle of the night.

One of them says, “I gotta admit I’m scared out here”.

The other replies, “You’re scared? … I gotta walk back alone!"

[jschwenker]

When I donate my body to science,

they’ll be like,

wow, we did not want this.

[jschwenker]

I gave the rest of my pastry to two pigeons.

I smiled when I realized that I had filled two birds with one scone.

[jschwenker]

Cars these days have too many gadgets.

I shifted into reverse,

and then it proceeded to play a video of somebody getting run over by a car.

[mix4fix]

My wife said I never listen to her, or something like that...