Joke of the Day

jschwenker · « **Reply #3380 on:** 16 Mar 2025, 03:19 pm »

How do you get down from an elephant?

You don’t.

You get down from a goose.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3381 on:** 18 Mar 2025, 01:43 pm »

Ate my last piece of cheese yesterday.

Today it is raining.

Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone.

AllanS · « **Reply #3382 on:** 19 Mar 2025, 10:47 am »

Only darkness when cheese a whey

jschwenker · « **Reply #3383 on:** 20 Mar 2025, 02:24 pm »

I just graduated as a veterinarian and my first patient was a cat who said “Meow”.

I said “I know. But where?”.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3384 on:** 22 Mar 2025, 01:33 pm »

Little Red Riding Hood found in a critical condition.

Paramedics have stabilized her condition

... but she’s not out of the woods just yet.

FireGuy · « **Reply #3385 on:** 22 Mar 2025, 08:02 pm »

jschwenker · « **Reply #3386 on:** 24 Mar 2025, 05:17 pm »

Went to the doctor yesterday, with a suspicious looking mole.

She said they all look like that

... and I should have left him in my garden.

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #3387 on:** 25 Mar 2025, 09:42 pm »

Tomorrow is National No Bra Day.
Please show your support.
Last year was a bit of a flop.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3388 on:** 26 Mar 2025, 06:36 am »

I am a stockbroker, and I invested $10 into Taco Bell.

Now, I have permanent gastrointestinal problems and a $28,000 hospital bill.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3389 on:** 28 Mar 2025, 02:11 pm »

I tried to take a picture of a wheat field

... but it turned out grainy.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3390 on:** 31 Mar 2025, 07:12 pm »

I went to an antique auction this morning

... and three different people bid on me.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3391 on:** 2 Apr 2025, 04:02 pm »

I mustard up the courage

… to eat another hot dog.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3392 on:** 4 Apr 2025, 02:54 pm »

I walked down to the paint store to get thinner.

It didn't work.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3393 on:** 4 Apr 2025, 03:51 pm »

Singer Jewel had moved to a more rural area to get away from it all. She bought property that had a small farm. Now, many celebrities get into farming only to use it for tax break; but Jewel, grew up in mid-west state so it was more common to her. She wanted to try to make it successful. She took what she knew from her family, friends, experts, and made her farm successful. She even helped her neighbors which made theirs vastly improve. No one had ever helped them like that before.

So, it just goes to show you: Who Will Save Your Soil?

jschwenker · « **Reply #3394 on:** 6 Apr 2025, 02:28 pm »

I was born a male, I identify as a male,

but according to a box of macaroni and cheese,

I'm a family of four!

mix4fix · « **Reply #3395 on:** 6 Apr 2025, 05:45 pm »

Two things you shouldn't do:
1. Kidnap Liam Neeson's daughter
2. Kill John Wick's dog

What should you do if Liam Neeson's daughter kidnaps John Wick's dog?

Alain Arseneault · « **Reply #3396 on:** 6 Apr 2025, 05:50 pm »

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth.
The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits.
I instantly knew it was one of theirs.
I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home.
It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones.
I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me )
Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong?
They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3397 on:** 9 Apr 2025, 02:02 pm »

Never trust anyone who can

… spell Gonorrhea right on the first try.

I.Greyhound Fan · « **Reply #3398 on:** 9 Apr 2025, 03:20 pm »

Quote from: Alain Arseneault on 6 Apr 2025, 05:50 pm

So I woke up and my dog is laying on the back patio covered in dirt with a rabbit in his mouth.
The rabbit's not bloody, just dirty. My neighbor's kids raise blue ribbon rabbits.
I instantly knew it was one of theirs.
I took the rabbit away from my dog, rushed inside, and washed all the dirt off it before my neighbors could come home.
It was stiff but I heard some animals play dead when they are afraid but I couldn't remember which ones.
I took it and placed it back in one of the cages in their back yard then I ZOOMED back home. (Don't judge me )
Not 30 minutes later I hear my neighbors screaming so I go out and ask them what's wrong?
They tell me their rabbit died three days ago and they buried it but now it's back in the cage.

Too Funny! I had a good long laugh after reading this. Reminds me of the movie Pet Cemetary.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3399 on:** 12 Apr 2025, 01:46 pm »

Sometimes I question my sanity.

Occasionally, it replies.