Joke of the Day

mix4fix · « **Reply #3320 on:** 7 Oct 2024, 03:56 pm »

What's the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?

One you'll see later, the other you'll see in a while.

Zuman · « **Reply #3321 on:** 7 Oct 2024, 10:38 pm »

I yelled “cow!” to a woman on a bike.

She flipped me off.

Then she ran her bike right into the cow.

I was walking past a farm when I saw a sign that read "Duck, Eggs."
Now, there's an unnecessary comma, I thought to myself.
Then it hit me...

jschwenker · « **Reply #3322 on:** 8 Oct 2024, 12:44 pm »

I renamed my toilet Jim instead of John...

People are really impressed when I tell them I go to the Jim every morning.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3323 on:** 14 Oct 2024, 08:00 pm »

I saw a chameleon today.

... so I guess it was a pretty bad chameleon.

Zuman · « **Reply #3324 on:** 14 Oct 2024, 11:46 pm »

A man walks into a bar.
He said "Ouch!"

jschwenker · « **Reply #3325 on:** 16 Oct 2024, 02:42 pm »

Wanted: Someone to brush their teeth with me ...

... because 9/10 dentists say brushing alone won't prevent tooth decay.

No weirdos please.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3326 on:** 20 Oct 2024, 02:38 pm »

I saw a help wanted sign the other day.

It said “Free Viagra - for people willing to work hard”.

dflee · « **Reply #3327 on:** 22 Oct 2024, 01:00 am »

Told my psychiatrist everyone hates me.
He said don't be ridiculous, everyone hasn't met you yet.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3328 on:** 26 Oct 2024, 02:32 am »

Paper jam -

- is the least delicious of all the preserves.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3329 on:** 27 Oct 2024, 03:26 pm »

Apparently, hanging out alone drinking beer,

not bothering other people,

bothers people.

I.Greyhound Fan · « **Reply #3330 on:** 27 Oct 2024, 07:43 pm »

Paper jam -

- is the least delicious of all the preserves.

I beg to differ, Toe Jam is the worst.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3331 on:** 30 Oct 2024, 06:36 am »

6 out of 7 dwarfs are not Happy.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3332 on:** 1 Nov 2024, 03:53 pm »

Drugs are not the answer.

Unless ... the question is narcotics in five letters.

Zuman · « **Reply #3333 on:** 2 Nov 2024, 01:31 am »

I asked seven billionaires, “What's the secret to your success?" and they all said the same thing…
"How did you get into my house?"

jschwenker · « **Reply #3334 on:** 2 Nov 2024, 03:14 pm »

Today I started the No Swearing November Challenge.

Which I will restart tomorrow!

mix4fix · « **Reply #3335 on:** 8 Nov 2024, 05:23 am »

What was said when Robin Williams starred on the Muppet Show and did a skit with the Swedish Chef?

Mork-Mork-Mork!

jschwenker · « **Reply #3336 on:** 8 Nov 2024, 07:24 pm »

Me: “Alexa, remind me to go to the gym.”

Alexa: “I have added gin to your shopping list.”

Me: “Close enough!"

jschwenker · « **Reply #3337 on:** 18 Nov 2024, 08:40 pm »

I love mexican food.

Them chicken case of ideas - are SO good!

I.Greyhound Fan · « **Reply #3338 on:** 18 Nov 2024, 10:17 pm »

My Grandpa has a viagra addiction. It is awfully hard on Grandma.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3339 on:** 18 Nov 2024, 11:20 pm »

Who is the Swedish Chefs favorite Icelandic singer?

Bjork-Bjork-Bjork!