Joke of the Day

richidoo · « **Reply #3160 on:** 29 Jun 2023, 03:33 pm »

Never laugh at your wife's choices.

You're one of them.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3161 on:** 30 Jun 2023, 12:31 am »

I could understand your anger with me.
But what could you possibly have against the horse I rode in on?

Cheers, John

Dick Hertz · « **Reply #3162 on:** 30 Jun 2023, 04:54 am »

Who's the most popular guy at the nudist resort? He's the one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, and a dozen donuts.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3163 on:** 1 Jul 2023, 02:32 pm »

My friend’s therapist said “I think you have a phobia about marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?”
He said: “Can’t say I do.”
She said “That’s one of them!"

Cheers, John

jschwenker · « **Reply #3164 on:** 3 Jul 2023, 03:00 am »

I gave my friend an apple and he told me he prefers pears.
… So I gave him another apple.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3165 on:** 3 Jul 2023, 07:13 am »

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

cementhead · « **Reply #3166 on:** 3 Jul 2023, 11:45 am »

Farmers are great at skipping rope. They never miss a beet...

jschwenker · « **Reply #3167 on:** 5 Jul 2023, 09:27 pm »

I just got a great deal on a stepladder at Home Depot - 100% discount!
When I went to self-checkout, the screen prompted me to ‘insert or swipe.’
So I swiped it!

Cheers, John

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #3168 on:** 7 Jul 2023, 12:10 pm »

A group of professors were called to board a plane.
When the doors closed and the plane is about to take off, all the professors were informed that this plane was designed and built by their students. All the professors rush toward the plane doors, trying to escape and survive on their own with exception of one professor who remained seated, full of confidence and calmness.
Someone's asked him why you're not escaping the plane.
The professor answered him with confidence, they are our students.
Next Question: Are you sure that you taught them well?
Professor replied quietly: I'm Sure it won't fly.

Dick Hertz · « **Reply #3169 on:** 10 Jul 2023, 12:22 am »

When I die, I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not like the terrified passengers in the car he was driving.

cementhead · « **Reply #3170 on:** 10 Jul 2023, 12:53 pm »

I am taking viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't help the burn, but it keeps the sheets off my legs.

veloceleste · « **Reply #3171 on:** 10 Jul 2023, 06:12 pm »

mix4fix · « **Reply #3172 on:** 10 Jul 2023, 07:15 pm »

Have you heard about the chocolate record player?

It sounds pretty sweet.

Dick Hertz · « **Reply #3173 on:** 11 Jul 2023, 11:18 pm »

Won a big lottery recently. Spent most of my winnngs on women and booze. I squandered the rest.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3174 on:** 17 Jul 2023, 04:19 pm »

A favorite haiku: (5,7,5 syllables)
Writing poetry
With seventeen syllables
Is very diffi

richidoo · « **Reply #3175 on:** 17 Jul 2023, 07:46 pm »

Quote from: jschwenker on 17 Jul 2023, 04:19 pm

Is very diffi

Yes it is!

mix4fix · « **Reply #3176 on:** 18 Jul 2023, 05:23 am »

What computer is a singer?

A Dell.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3177 on:** 18 Jul 2023, 10:13 pm »

Bank robber says to the teller over his gun: “Give me all your money, or you’re geography!”
Puzzled, the teller asks: “Don’t you mean history?”
Robber yells: “Don’t change the subject!”

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #3178 on:** 19 Jul 2023, 09:55 am »

The Old Man's Creed:

Never pass up a chance to pee.
Never ignore a hard on.
Never trust a fart.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3179 on:** 20 Jul 2023, 03:03 am »

There’s a new scam going around.
My friend’s husband ordered her some expensive jewelry online.
When the package came it was switched out to motorcycle parts.
Thankfully at least they fit his bike!