Joke of the Day

jschwenker · « **Reply #3001 on:** 14 Mar 2023, 01:05 am »

Copyeditors everywhere know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
For example:
- Jane needed my help to clean out her closet.
- Jane needed my help to clean out her colon.

Cheers, John

jschwenker · « **Reply #3002 on:** 14 Mar 2023, 09:53 pm »

The Indian restaurant I work at is sort of secretive.
I had to sign legal papers saying I wouldn’t share the flatbread recipe.
Just a naan-non-disclosure agreement.

Cheers, John

bside123 · « **Reply #3003 on:** 14 Mar 2023, 10:56 pm »

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3004 on:** 16 Mar 2023, 03:23 am »

Know what is similar between love and farts?
If you have to force it, it just might be crap.

Cheers, John

bside123 · « **Reply #3005 on:** 16 Mar 2023, 01:07 pm »

Some peanuts were walking in Central Park. They got asalted.

JCarney · « **Reply #3006 on:** 16 Mar 2023, 09:31 pm »

Quote from: bside123 on 16 Mar 2023, 01:07 pm

Some peanuts were walking in Central Park. They got asalted.

That is such a Dad joke.

JCarney

jschwenker · « **Reply #3007 on:** 17 Mar 2023, 03:31 am »

Imagine naming your daughter Lizard.
She’ll be called Liz by most.
Someday, someone will ask if it is short for Elizabeth.
She’ll be like “nah, it’s Lizard."

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3008 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 12:16 am »

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

Bemopti123 · « **Reply #3009 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 04:14 am »

Quote from: mix4fix on 18 Mar 2023, 12:16 am

When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

jajaja

jschwenker · « **Reply #3010 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 05:16 am »

I got arrested for stealing a complete set of encyclopedias.
I said to the police, “Hang on, I can explain everything”.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3011 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 04:22 pm »

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3012 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 04:29 pm »

I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3013 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 06:52 pm »

bside123 · « **Reply #3014 on:** 18 Mar 2023, 08:09 pm »

What's the difference between a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner and a Harley Davidson Motorcycle? The position of the dirtbag.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3015 on:** 19 Mar 2023, 01:03 am »

I was watching an Australian cooking show.
The chef made a nice lemon meringue and the audience clapped and cheered.
Surprised me a little, as we know many Australians... boo meringue.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3016 on:** 19 Mar 2023, 03:02 am »

If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?

An iWitness.

Zuman · « **Reply #3017 on:** 19 Mar 2023, 03:14 am »

I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me...

bside123 · « **Reply #3018 on:** 19 Mar 2023, 01:04 pm »

When is every American a foreigner? When European.

syzygy · « **Reply #3019 on:** 19 Mar 2023, 08:20 pm »

Why are the Great Pyramids in Egypt?

Answer: Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum