Joke of the Day

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jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3000 on: 14 Mar 2023, 01:05 am »
Copyeditors everywhere know a colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
For example:
- Jane needed my help to clean out her closet.
- Jane needed my help to clean out her colon.

Cheers, John

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3001 on: 14 Mar 2023, 09:53 pm »
The Indian restaurant I work at is sort of secretive.
I had to sign legal papers saying I wouldn’t share the flatbread recipe.
Just a naan-non-disclosure agreement.

Cheers, John

bside123

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3002 on: 14 Mar 2023, 10:56 pm »
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?  Great food, but no atmosphere.  :thumb:

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3003 on: 16 Mar 2023, 03:23 am »
Know what is similar between love and farts?
If you have to force it, it just might be crap.

Cheers, John

bside123

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3004 on: 16 Mar 2023, 01:07 pm »
Some peanuts were walking in Central Park. They got asalted.  :thumb:

JCarney

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3005 on: 16 Mar 2023, 09:31 pm »
Some peanuts were walking in Central Park. They got asalted.  :thumb:

That is such a Dad joke.  :lol: :lol:

JCarney

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3006 on: 17 Mar 2023, 03:31 am »
Imagine naming your daughter Lizard.
She’ll be called Liz by most.
Someday, someone will ask if it is short for Elizabeth.
She’ll be like “nah, it’s Lizard."

Cheers, John

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3007 on: 18 Mar 2023, 12:16 am »
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

Bemopti123

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3008 on: 18 Mar 2023, 04:14 am »
When two vegans get in an argument, is it still called a beef?

jajaja

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3009 on: 18 Mar 2023, 05:16 am »
I got arrested for stealing a complete set of encyclopedias.
I said to the police, “Hang on, I can explain everything”.

Cheers, John

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3010 on: 18 Mar 2023, 04:22 pm »
What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3011 on: 18 Mar 2023, 04:29 pm »
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to be a winner.

Sadly, no pun in ten did.

Scroof Neachy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3012 on: 18 Mar 2023, 06:52 pm »



bside123

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3013 on: 18 Mar 2023, 08:09 pm »
What's the difference between a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner and a Harley Davidson Motorcycle?  The position of the dirtbag.  :thumb:

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3014 on: 19 Mar 2023, 01:03 am »
I was watching an Australian cooking show.
The chef made a nice lemon meringue and the audience clapped and cheered.
Surprised me a little, as we know many Australians... boo meringue.

Cheers, John

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3015 on: 19 Mar 2023, 03:02 am »
If you see a crime happen at the Apple store, what does it make you?

An iWitness.

Zuman

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3016 on: 19 Mar 2023, 03:14 am »
I was wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me...

bside123

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3017 on: 19 Mar 2023, 01:04 pm »
When is every American a foreigner? When European.  :thumb:

syzygy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3018 on: 19 Mar 2023, 08:20 pm »
Why are the Great Pyramids in Egypt?

Answer: Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum

Scroof Neachy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3019 on: 19 Mar 2023, 09:43 pm »