Joke of the Day

JakeJ · « **Reply #2900 on:** 21 Jan 2021, 03:45 am »

+1

I joke, therefore I am.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #2901 on:** 2 Feb 2021, 03:10 am »

A blond walks into the repair shop carrying a vintage receiver. The receiving clerk ask "how can we help you". The blond explains that she inherited the receiver from her grandfather and would really like to use it but it doesn't seem to work right.

The Clerk asks "Can you describe what is wrong with it?". She replies, well it turns on but music only comes out of one speaker. The clerk writes that on the repair slip and tells the blond "Well it's pretty dirty, so we'll probably start by giving a good cleaning, then we will use a product call Deoxit to clean all the the controls and switches".

The blond replies, oh don't bother cleaning the controls and switches, I read all about using Deoxit on the internet. I already cleaned all the controls and switches with the Deoxit stuff... see how shiny they all are?

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2902 on:** 10 Mar 2021, 02:00 pm »

I'm sorry I'm late. I saw a picture of the sun wearing sunglasses and I spent four hours trying to figure out what the heck he was protecting his eyes from.

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2903 on:** 19 Apr 2021, 10:07 pm »

An old Maori farmer writes to his son in prison; Kia ora my son, this year i wont be able to plant the kumara and potatoes because i can't dig the field by myself, i know if you were here, you would help me son.

The son writes back; Kia ora dad don't even think of digging the field because that's where i buried all the money i stole.

The police read what the Son wrote in the letter and the next day the whole field was dug up as the Police were looking for the money, but nothing was found.

The following day the son wrote again.... Now plant the potatoes and kumara dad.. Its the best i can do from here..

djbnh · « **Reply #2904 on:** 16 Jun 2021, 02:10 pm »

thunderbrick · « **Reply #2905 on:** 7 Aug 2021, 03:27 am »

thunderbrick · « **Reply #2906 on:** 11 Aug 2021, 12:46 am »

JakeJ · « **Reply #2907 on:** 11 Aug 2021, 01:12 am »

El, Oh, El

Bizarro by Dan Piraro

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2908 on:** 7 Sep 2021, 02:42 pm »

I was walking past a farm yesterday and saw a sign:
Duck, eggs
I thought, boy, that's an unnecessary comma.
Then it hit me.

adminRH · « **Reply #2909 on:** 7 Sep 2021, 04:05 pm »

JerryM · « **Reply #2910 on:** 8 Sep 2021, 02:51 am »

Two buddies are up late smoking a some unexpected weed...

The first guy says “What time is it?”

To which the second guy says “I’m not sure. Give me that trombone...”

The first guy asks “How the hell can you tell time with a trombone?!”

“It’s magic!” replies his friend; as he belts out a long, low note from the trombone.

He stops, and he waits, seemingly expecting something...

Suddenly, a loud voice calls out from the room above:

“Who the fuck is playing the trombone at 3 am!!??”

mix4fix · « **Reply #2911 on:** 23 Sep 2021, 06:18 am »

What do you call it when a Goth gets the Covid vax?

The Cure

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2912 on:** 8 Nov 2021, 01:56 pm »

I heard about a young people's book about Shrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog teaming up for a cross country adventure.

So I thought I'd go down to the library to see if I could find it for my grandson.

The librarian said she thought it rang a bell, but wasn't sure if it was there or not.

jschwenker · « **Reply #2913 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 03:11 pm »

I was watching an Australian cooking show. The chef made a nice lemon meringue and the audience clapped and cheered. Surprised me a little, as we know many Australians... boo meringue.

JLM · « **Reply #2914 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 04:09 pm »

Quote from: jschwenker on 17 Dec 2021, 03:11 pm

I was watching an Australian cooking show. The chef made a nice lemon meringue and the audience clapped and cheered. Surprised me a little, as we know many Australians... boo meringue.

Guess you had to be there...

Woodsage · « **Reply #2915 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 04:13 pm »

S Clark · « **Reply #2916 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 06:58 pm »

Quote from: Letitroll98 on 8 Nov 2021, 01:56 pm

I heard about a young people's book about Shrodinger's cat and Pavlov's dog teaming up for a cross country adventure.

So I thought I'd go down to the library to see if I could find it for my grandson.

The librarian said she thought it rang a bell, but wasn't sure if it was there or not.

This reads like a Steven Wright bit.

jschwenker · « **Reply #2917 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 07:14 pm »

I asked the librarian if they had the latest book on ED. She said "I don't know if it is in yet." I said "Yes! That's the one!"

bkatbamna · « **Reply #2918 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 08:00 pm »

I was standing in line at the pharmacy and an elderly lady asked me if they have Viagra in stock.
I said "I'm sure they do"
She then asked me "do you think you can get it over the counter?"
I said: "Maybe if I took two."

syzygy · « **Reply #2919 on:** 17 Dec 2021, 11:19 pm »

from another audio site that I visit:

“I'm posting this with a heavy heart.
As much as I love all things audio, restoring them, and everything that comes with it ... this is taking up too much of my time. I am struggling to keep up with the everyday basics of working, cleaning and maintaining my home, so something has to give.

I have decided to get rid of my gear.
Below is a list of what's available.
Serious inquiries only and please don't insult me with low offers.
I know what I have here.
Thanks for reading and understanding ...

PM me if interested.

1. Vacuum cleaner
2. Dustpan and brush
3. Mop and bucket
4. Lawn Mower
5. Leaf blower
6. Laundry detergent
7. Iron
8. Broom
9. Drain Snake
10. Swifter Wet Jet
11. Wet-Dry vac”