Joke of the Day

richidoo · « **Reply #2740 on:** 16 Aug 2019, 07:21 pm »

Quote from: noway on 16 Aug 2019, 05:11 pm

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Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2741 on:** 26 Aug 2019, 02:23 pm »

It's crazy that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music".

But when I do it I'm "drunk" and "have to leave Home Depot".

I.Greyhound Fan · « **Reply #2742 on:** 26 Aug 2019, 09:28 pm »

Quote from: Letitroll98 on 26 Aug 2019, 02:23 pm

It's crazy that when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's "art" and "music".

But when I do it I'm "drunk" and "have to leave Home Depot".

An I have pictures of you to prove it

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2743 on:** 21 Sep 2019, 04:07 pm »

A Jewish man leaves the deli with his espresso and sees a strange site. An Italian funeral is approaching the cemetery with a hearse in front and about 50 feet behind another hearse followed by a man walking a dog, followed by about 200 men in single file.

Overtaken by curiosity he approaches the man with the dog and says, "I'm sorry for your loss, I know this probably isn't the best time for this, but I have to know, who's in the hearse"?

"My wife". he responds.

"How did she die if I may ask"?

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked her and killed her".

"And who's in the second hearse"?

"My mother in law, she broke in to defend my wife and the dog killed her too".

There was a moment of silent Jewish Italian commadre, then the Jewish man asked, "Can I borrow the dog"?

"Get in line".

richidoo · « **Reply #2744 on:** 28 Sep 2019, 01:25 pm »

richidoo · « **Reply #2745 on:** 29 Sep 2019, 06:59 pm »

Bemopti123 · « **Reply #2746 on:** 30 Sep 2019, 02:18 am »

Quote from: Letitroll98 on 21 Sep 2019, 04:07 pm

A Jewish man leaves the deli with his espresso and sees a strange site. An Italian funeral is approaching the cemetery with a hearse in front and about 50 feet behind another hearse followed by a man walking a dog, followed by about 200 men in single file.

Overtaken by curiosity he approaches the man with the dog and says, "I'm sorry for your loss, I know this probably isn't the best time for this, but I have to know, who's in the hearse"?

"My wife". he responds.

"How did she die if I may ask"?

"She yelled at me and my dog attacked her and killed her".

"And who's in the second hearse"?

"My mother in law, she broke in to defend my wife and the dog killed her too".

There was a moment of silent Jewish Italian commadre, then the Jewish man asked, "Can I borrow the dog"?

"Get in line".

i mean this DOG really defines the men's best friend concept. jajajaja

dflee · « **Reply #2747 on:** 2 Oct 2019, 05:54 pm »

Last week I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous; everyone hasn’t met me yet.

Don

syzygy · « **Reply #2748 on:** 3 Oct 2019, 12:34 am »

Guy says to his wife "You want to watch porn, or golf?" She replies "Let's watch porn, you know how to golf".

JerryM · « **Reply #2749 on:** 8 Oct 2019, 03:39 am »

A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath.

One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when she touches her.

They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma."

The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy; besides, it's worth a try.

The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate.

The nurses rush into the room.

The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked."

won ton on · « **Reply #2750 on:** 8 Oct 2019, 11:33 am »

Good one LOL

Emil · « **Reply #2751 on:** 8 Oct 2019, 05:09 pm »

Professional streaker was thinking of retiring but he decided to stick it out for another year

displayname · « **Reply #2752 on:** 8 Oct 2019, 05:53 pm »

Quote from: Emil on 8 Oct 2019, 05:09 pm

Professional streaker was thinking of retiring but he decided to stick it out for another year

A+ dad joke.

Emil · « **Reply #2753 on:** 14 Oct 2019, 09:33 pm »

Wanna meet chicks? Learn to play the Keytar
Who knew?

BobM · « **Reply #2754 on:** 15 Oct 2019, 05:34 pm »

JerryM · « **Reply #2755 on:** 16 Oct 2019, 02:26 am »

An old married couple no sooner hits the pillows when the man passes gas and says, "Seven points!"

His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied "It's fart football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown! Tie score..."

After about five minutes the old man lets another one goes and says, "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7"

Not to be outdone, the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Ten seconds go by and she forces out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on for the old man. He refuses to be beaten, so he strains as hard as he can; defeat is unacceptable - he gives it everything he's got.

He totally shits the bed.

The wife says, "What the hell was that?!"

The old man says, "Halftime, switch sides."

won ton on · « **Reply #2756 on:** 16 Oct 2019, 12:29 pm »

JerryM good one

weatherman1 · « **Reply #2757 on:** 17 Oct 2019, 05:11 am »

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2758 on:** 17 Oct 2019, 02:57 pm »

I'm fat, but I identify as skinny. I'm Trans-slender.

decal · « **Reply #2759 on:** 17 Oct 2019, 03:53 pm »

Quote from: Letitroll98 on 17 Oct 2019, 02:57 pm

I'm fat, but I identify as skinny. I'm Trans-slender.