Joke of the Day

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Goosepond

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2360 on: 22 Jun 2018, 08:42 pm »
The true test of a good joke is when you're alone and read it, you laugh out loud.

I just laughed out loud. :lol:

Thank you Mr. Facilitator,

Gene

WGH

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2361 on: 23 Jun 2018, 01:40 am »
You guys must know some recent grads you can show this too.



jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2362 on: 23 Jun 2018, 11:54 pm »



thunderbrick

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2363 on: 24 Jun 2018, 12:40 pm »
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside
And asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue,
curse the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a shithead is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”

decal

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2364 on: 24 Jun 2018, 01:20 pm »
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside
And asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
"Yes, coach", replied the little boy. "
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue,
curse the umpire, or call him an asshole. Do you understand all that?"
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, "And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play,
it's not a dumb-ass decision or that the coach is a shithead is it?"
"No, coach."
"Good", said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.”

Funny, but a shame that it's true to life.

Goosepond

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2365 on: 24 Jun 2018, 01:51 pm »
I think that f*king coach ought to be fired for talking to a 9 year old like that!  :green:

Gene

mikeeastman

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2366 on: 24 Jun 2018, 07:51 pm »



thunderbrick

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2367 on: 26 Jun 2018, 12:35 am »
Bubba went to Alabama on a football scholarship. He was a good running back, but a poor student.

At graduation day, Bubba didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Bubba could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.
The one question test was held in the auditorium and the students packed the place. It was standing room only.

The dean was on the stage and told Bubba to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, "Bubba, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." Bubba said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. "Bubba," he said, "How much is three times seven?"

Bubba looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question. The students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"

Then Bubba held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. Bubba said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."

A hush fell over the auditorium...and then the Alabama students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

JerryM

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2368 on: 26 Jun 2018, 01:02 am »
 :rotflmao:

elasticnorseman

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2369 on: 26 Jun 2018, 08:30 pm »
 :thumb:

Atlplasma

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2370 on: 27 Jun 2018, 12:04 am »
Bubba went to Alabama on a football scholarship. He was a good running back, but a poor student.

At graduation day, Bubba didn't have enough credits. But he was a great football star and the students held a rally and demanded the dean give him a diploma anyway. They were so insistent that the dean agreed if Bubba could answer one question correctly he would give him a diploma.
The one question test was held in the auditorium and the students packed the place. It was standing room only.

The dean was on the stage and told Bubba to come up. The dean had the diploma in his hand and said, "Bubba, if you can answer this question correctly I'll give you your diploma." Bubba said he was ready and the dean asked him the question. "Bubba," he said, "How much is three times seven?"

Bubba looked up at the ceiling and then down at his shoes, just pondering the question. The students began chanting, "Graduate him anyway! Graduate him anyway!"

Then Bubba held up his hand and the auditorium became silent. Bubba said, "I think I know the answer. Three times seven is twenty-one."

A hush fell over the auditorium...and then the Alabama students began another chant. "Give him another chance! Give him another chance!"

Shouldn’t this be an Auburn joke?

ArthurDent

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2371 on: 27 Jun 2018, 12:15 am »
Obviously you're a big 'bama fan 'brick.  :lol:   Keep 'em comin' guys.  :thumb:

JerryM

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2372 on: 3 Jul 2018, 02:48 am »
Not to be confused with "Motto", here is the "Catch Phrase" for each of the United States:

Alabama: Well.. at least we’re not Mississippi.

Alaska: Like Canada, but better.

Arizona: Papers please. Just kidding…

Arkansas: The home of Bill Clinton. Sorry.

California: “We’re better than you, and we know it.”

Colorado: It’s the California you can afford to buy a house in.

Connecticut: “Full of pit stops when going from Boston to New York!”

Delaware: “Are you…are you talking me? It’s been years! Don’t leave!”

Florida: The more North you go the more South it gets!

Georgia: “Walking Dead and Archer: Come for the Cool.”

Hawaii: Yes, we’re technically a state!

Idaho: Please stop asking us about potatoes…

Illinois: Because Chicago isn’t big enough to be its own state.

Indiana: College Basketball!…and Corn.

Iowa: We’re relevant during the primaries!

Kansas: It’s like elevator music with grass.

Kentucky: Come for the bourbon, stay because you drank way too much bourbon.

Louisiana: Please send help.

Maine: As seen in every Stephen King novel!

Maryland: “We Have Crabs!”

Massachusetts: No, we don’t talk like that. Just stop.

Michigan: “Our main export is crippling depression.”

Minnesota: Cheese Is Good.

Mississippi: Well… at least we’re not Mis– D’oh!

Missouri: It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.

Montana: “Not Even Once.”

Nebraska: CORN! and not much else.

Nevada: Come on vacation, leave on probation.

New Hampshire: 69ing Vermont for over 200 years!

New Jersey: You can’t pump your own gas.

New Mexico: Better Mexico.

New York: “This city is just one small part of our state. There’s a lot of other stuff up here.”

North Carolina: We’re the best Carolina.

North Dakota: “If we called it ‘Upper South Dakota’ instead, would you want to visit?

Ohio: Where every vote counts and the seasons don’t matter.

Oklahoma: “Oklahoma is OK!”

Oregon: “Check out all our trees, man.”

Pennsylvania: It’s Always Sunny Here.

Rhode Island: Why are we a state?

South Carolina: Better Carolina.

South Dakota: No, really. The mountain monument is in this one!

Tennessee: A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.

Texas: Wake up in Texas. Drive all day. Still in Texas.

*BONUS* Texas: Stop asking us if it’s the heat or the humidity. It’s ALWAYS the humidity.

Utah: Bring your wives!

Vermont: “You drove right through it again.”

Virginia: What do you mean the North won?

Washington: You know all that stuff your state wants? Yeah, we already have that.

West Virginia: Not technically the South.

Wisconsin: It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, and that somewhere is right here.

Wyoming: Why are you in Wyoming?

JerryM

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2373 on: 11 Jul 2018, 02:56 am »
I told my brother "My wife ran off with my best friend Joe, yesterday."

My brother thought for a moment, then looked at me funny and said "Since when is Joe your best friend?"

"Since yesterday" I replied.

Kenneth Patchen

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2374 on: 18 Jul 2018, 08:30 pm »


jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2375 on: 19 Jul 2018, 12:12 am »
A guy fell asleep on the beach for several hours and got a horrible sunburn, specifically to his upper legs. He went to the hospital and was promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second-degree burns.

With his skin already starting to blister, and the severe pain he was in, the doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline, electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra pill every four hours.

The nurse, who was rather astounded, asked, 'What good will Viagra do for him, Doctor'?

The doctor replied, 'It won't do anything for his condition, but it'll keep the sheets off his legs.

Don_S

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2376 on: 22 Jul 2018, 01:52 am »



JerryM

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2377 on: 22 Jul 2018, 09:03 pm »
Remember - Safety First, folks!



Don_S

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2378 on: 22 Jul 2018, 11:42 pm »



dflee

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2379 on: 23 Jul 2018, 01:06 pm »
My wife has started calling me Amos and even when no one
else is around she'll shout out for people to ignore me.
I think she might be losing it.

Don