[srb]

If you have to waste all this time explaining it, you should realize it was stupid in the first place......

Even if by some weird stretch of the imagination someone does "get it" right away, it really isn't funny nor would it be considered a joke ....

[djbnh]

A man walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, "Give me a beer before the problems start!" The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man "When are you going to pay for these beers?" The man answers, "Now the problems start!"

[djbnh]

A wife and husband found some S&M videos on their son's computer.

Her: "What should we do?"
Him: "Well, we can't spank him."

[djbnh]

I took some nitrous oxide with my laxative once...

just for shits and giggles.

[JoshK]

[JoshK]

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"
"I'm in Darwin with my sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."
"Bummer, mate...!!!"
"Thanks mate, I hadnt thought of that. Bye."

[JoshK]

A married couple with children made a code word for sex..
The code phrase is "Typing a letter".
So on a Friday movie night, the husband is in the mood and asks his wife around their children, "would you like to type some letters tonight?". The wife says they're watching a good movie, maybe tomorrow.
Saturday comes and the husband is now in heat, all day keeps asking to "type". Finally at night as the kids are tucked in, the wife softly asks, "I'm sorry for making you wait, do you wanna type the letter now, honey?", to which the husband replies:
"Forget it, it's been handwritten."

[JoshK]

A man asks a woman if she would have sex with him for a Million dollars.
The woman says "yes!"
The man then asks "Would you have sex with me for one dollar?"
"NO! what do you think I am?!" she replies
"I think we already established that, now we're just negotiating"

[JoshK]

What happens when you mix human DNA with goat DNA?

You get kicked out of the petting zoo.

[JoshK]

https://youtu.be/Y5ckCAUVOn0

[Kenneth Patchen]

[Bob in St. Louis]

How about 867-5309? 

Curious if anybody got that?

[ArthurDent]

Curious if anybody got that?

[Bob in St. Louis]

Cool, thanks! 

[thunderbrick]

Curious if anybody got that?

Yep!  Still don't get the other numbers though...

[thunderbrick]

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"
"I'm in Darwin with my sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."
"Bummer, mate...!!!"
"Thanks mate, I hadnt thought of that. Bye."

 

[Bob in St. Louis]

Yep!  Still don't get the other numbers though...

Cool, me either. Seems it's not a big deal anyway. 

[charmerci]

Cool, me either. Seems it's not a big deal anyway. 

I assume you type them on a calculator and turn it upside down.

[BruceW]

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?"
"I'm in Darwin with my sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up."
"Bummer, mate...!!!"
"Thanks mate, I hadnt thought of that. Bye."

Yeah its so freakin' hot in Darwin the locals listen to their Stereos outside

[Bob in St. Louis]

I assume you type them on a calculator and turn it upside down.

Ahhh... gotcha.
"back in the day" (decades ago)...
It was cool to type things and "fool" folks with the calculator.
A few words  come to mind;
SHELLOIL, LOOSE and HELL were typed on a calculator then flipping it upside down.