Joke of the Day

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1780 on:** 6 Oct 2016, 12:10 am »

Quote from: jhm731 on 5 Oct 2016, 11:24 pm

Three (3) patients limp into three different doctors with the same complaint. They all have trouble walking and may require hip surgery.

Patient #1:
Is examined within the hour. Is x-rayed the same day, and has a time booked for surgery the following week at a total cost for the operation of $2,400.00

Patient #2:
Goes to the ER, is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, and has a time booked for surgery the following week. Gets NO bill for Copay or deductible, in fact gets no bill at all. Total cost for this patient is $0.00

Patient #3:
See's the family doctor after already have waiting 3 weeks for the appointment. Then has to wait another 8 weeks to see a specialist. Get's an x-ray, which isn't read until the following week, and finally, is scheduled for surgery 6 months down the road, of course pending the review board's concern of his age and his value to society. Receives bill for the deductible which is $7,500.00, and has a copay of 20% which totals $6,000.00, or a total cost of $13,500.00.

Why the different treatments for the 3 patients ?

Patient #1 was a Golden Retriever taken to a Vet.

Patient #2 was an Illegal Alien

Patient #3 was a Senior Citizen on Obama Care.

Looks like we'll all have to find a good Vet.

Yip, A sad state of affairs when animals and folks who haven't paid any taxes rate higher than the elderly.
The truth hurts.

jhm731 · « **Reply #1781 on:** 6 Oct 2016, 06:02 am »

Deleted.

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1782 on:** 6 Oct 2016, 11:56 am »

Although I think it's funny, you're pushing the "no politics" rule here.

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #1783 on:** 6 Oct 2016, 12:00 pm »

I don't think it's in the least bit funny and it's a clear violation of the no politics rule. I could go on with about six pages of Trump jokes if this stuff is allowed.

JerryM · « **Reply #1784 on:** 6 Oct 2016, 12:15 pm »

Yes, the circle tagline states "Please be mindful that political/religious jokes are considered unacceptable if posted in a victimizing manner that disrespects a person or group of people."

The post should be edited. Thanks.

jhm731 · « **Reply #1785 on:** 7 Oct 2016, 05:09 am »

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #1786 on:** 7 Oct 2016, 10:25 am »

Something about the last couple of posts didn't register, which is kinda funny in its own right.

jhm731 · « **Reply #1787 on:** 15 Oct 2016, 07:37 pm »

An old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep sh*t now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull Sh*t and brilliance only come with age and experience.

JerryM · « **Reply #1788 on:** 19 Oct 2016, 04:48 am »

On the other hand, there are entirely different fingers.

jhm731 · « **Reply #1789 on:** 19 Oct 2016, 05:47 am »

jhm731 · « **Reply #1790 on:** 21 Oct 2016, 05:16 pm »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1791 on:** 21 Oct 2016, 05:24 pm »

Times are tough when you have to fire Snoopy and Woodstock.

jhm731 · « **Reply #1792 on:** 23 Oct 2016, 01:54 am »

jhm731 · « **Reply #1793 on:** 31 Oct 2016, 11:47 pm »

Kenneth Patchen · « **Reply #1794 on:** 7 Nov 2016, 08:41 am »

jhm731 · « **Reply #1795 on:** 13 Nov 2016, 05:59 am »

JerryM · « **Reply #1796 on:** 17 Nov 2016, 02:28 am »

Just found out that an at home DNA test kit doesn't make a good baby shower gift...

JakeJ · « **Reply #1797 on:** 17 Nov 2016, 04:17 am »

Did you find that out the hard way?

JerryM · « **Reply #1798 on:** 18 Nov 2016, 08:26 pm »

Quote from: JakeJ on 17 Nov 2016, 04:17 am

Did you find that out the hard way?

She found that out the hard way.

JerryM · « **Reply #1799 on:** 23 Nov 2016, 01:59 am »

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife I would be home by midnight.

Well, the hours and the beers went down way too easy.

Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly realizing my wife would probally wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was pretty proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution to escape a pissing her off. I mean, even when totally smashed, 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos = 12 cuckoos - Midnight!

The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in. I told her "midnight"...she didn't seem pissed off at the least. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then, she said "we need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked her why, she said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed 3 times, then said 'Oh shit', cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, laughed out loud, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over the coffee table and farted."