Joke of the Day

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1280 on:** 4 Mar 2015, 04:40 pm »

Quote from: S Clark on 4 Mar 2015, 04:18 pm

Oh, I don't know... I could see Bob peeing on a fire hydrant.

Pictures, or it didn't happen.

Here's a good laugh:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Le0GiL2vU
It's safe for work and kids.

brooklyn · « **Reply #1281 on:** 6 Mar 2015, 04:49 pm »

The bike

A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle where
he has spent years teaching the natives when he realizes that the one thing he never taught
them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This
is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief
looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes.
As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.
The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds, "Man riding a bike." The chief looks at the
couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them. The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief
that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other, so how
could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied, "My bike."

Guy 13 · « **Reply #1282 on:** 6 Mar 2015, 11:19 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 4 Mar 2015, 04:40 pm

Pictures, or it didn't happen.

Here's a good laugh:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51Le0GiL2vU
It's safe for work and kids.

Lots of good stuff in there.
Thanks.

Guy 13

mikeeastman · « **Reply #1283 on:** 8 Mar 2015, 04:30 pm »

aragon63 · « **Reply #1284 on:** 8 Mar 2015, 09:12 pm »

An old lady went to visit her dentist. When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs. The dentist said, "Excuse me, but I'm not a gynecologist." "I know," said the old lady. "I want you to take my husband's teeth out.”

rodge827 · « **Reply #1285 on:** 9 Mar 2015, 04:40 am »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1286 on:** 9 Mar 2015, 01:25 pm »

aragon63 · « **Reply #1287 on:** 9 Mar 2015, 09:20 pm »

A man goes to a restaurant and orders a chicken dish. By the time the food is ready and he is about to eat, the waiter comes back and says, "Sir, I'm afraid there has been a mistake. You see, that police officer who is sitting at the next table is a regular customer of ours and he usually orders the same dish. The problem is, this is the last chicken in the house. I'm afraid I'll have to take this dish to him and arrange for another dish for you!"

The guy gets really upset and refuses to give up his food. The waiter walks over to the other table and explains the situation to the officer. A few minutes later the officer walks over to the man's table and says, "Listen and listen good. That is MY chicken you are about to eat and I'll warn you, whatever you do to that chicken I'll do the same to you. You pull out one of its legs, I'll pull out one of yours. You break one of its wings, I'll break one of your arms!"

The man calmly looks at the chicken, then sticks his middle finger in the bird's rectum, pulls it out and licks it. He then gets up, drops his pants, bends over and says, "Go ahead!"

JerryM · « **Reply #1288 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 02:44 am »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 9 Mar 2015, 01:25 pm

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1289 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 12:22 pm »

Wind Chaser · « **Reply #1290 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 05:11 pm »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1291 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 05:14 pm »

A plain Croissant is $11 !?!?!?!

BobM · « **Reply #1292 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 06:43 pm »

Peso's maybe?

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1293 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 07:24 pm »

I was thinking that Bob, but they would have used the word "Mierda" instead of "shit".

srb · « **Reply #1294 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 08:29 pm »

Kitka is another name for Challah, a Jewish braided bread, and the name Kitka is supposedly used almost exclusively by South African Jews. This could be a cafe in Cape Town, where English is one of the languages and if so, the prices would be in South African Rands (11 Rand = $0.89).

Steve

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1295 on:** 12 Mar 2015, 08:57 pm »

Ahhh...sounds reasonable to me.
Now I'm going to go looking for Kitka/Challah recipes.

aragon63 · « **Reply #1296 on:** 14 Mar 2015, 06:22 pm »

Two aliens landed in the West Texas desert near an abandoned gas station. They approached one of the gas pumps, and one of the aliens addressed it, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader." The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The alien repeated the greeting. There was no response. The alien, annoyed by what he perceived to be the gas pump's haughty attitude, drew his ray gun, and said impatiently, "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. How dare you ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I'll fire!" The other alien shouted to his comrade "No, you don't want to make him mad!" But before he finished his warning, the first alien fired. There was a huge explosion that blew both of them 200 meters into the desert, where t hey landed in a heap. When they finally regained consciousness, the one who fired turned to the other one and said, "What a ferocious creature. It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?" The other alien answered, "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy...any guy who can wrap his d*ck around himself twice and then stick it in his own ear, is someone you shouldn't mess with!"

mikeeastman · « **Reply #1297 on:** 14 Mar 2015, 06:52 pm »

That one hurt me!

2bigears · « **Reply #1298 on:** 14 Mar 2015, 08:20 pm »

haha,,,, good one. too bad really that those aliens really don't want to talk to us.... we really scare them off
with our doings ,,,, ha

brooklyn · « **Reply #1299 on:** 17 Mar 2015, 02:55 pm »

Irish humor for St. Patties Day

How to get to Heaven from Ireland: A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher.

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the
concept of getting to heaven. 'I asked them, ' If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?

''NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy,
would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!'

'If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, 'Then how can I get into heaven?'

A little boy shouted out: 'YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN' DEAD.'

Happy St. Patrick's Day to everyone..