[pansixt]

All of these are hilarious. And it gives me the greatest pleasure to read them.

But I still think the funniest is a previous post titled "The Pastors Ass"

The Pastor's Ass
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.
The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted.
He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the bishop, so he
ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is . . .
.... being concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery . ... even shorten your life.
So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying abouteveryone else's ass and
you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

That is F'in Funny


 

[dflee]

Ya, I laughed my Ass off.

[decal]

THE DEAD COW LECTURE


 


This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard.


First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.


The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,


"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid." 

[geowak]

THE DEAD COW LECTURE


 


This is the best example for paying attention that I have ever heard.


First-year students at the Purdue Vet School were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor.


The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal's body." For an example, the professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the cow, withdrew it, and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said,


"The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough but it's even tougher if you're stupid."

Now that's funny, I don't care who you are.... hahaha

[decal]

                            I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking!


http://i.imgur.com/YW6Fufm.jpg





 

[Guy 13]

                            I’ve received many remarkable nature photographs over the years but this photo of a nesting Falcon is perhaps the most remarkable Nature shot that I’ve ever seen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. Nature is truly breath-taking!


http://i.imgur.com/YW6Fufm.jpg

Hi decal and all Audio Circle members.
No wonder he end-up in a tree,
did you see the steering wheel is on the wrong side of the Falcon !

Guy 13

[bside123]

[bside123]

What's green and sings?

Frank Si-not-tra.   

[decal]

The Irish Golfer


A golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him.
 
Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him.
 
'Arrgh! What happened?' the Leprechaun asks.
 
'I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball,' the golfer says.
 
'Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?'
 
'Thank God, you're all right!' the golfer answers in relief. 'I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise.'
 
And with that the golfer walks off. 'What a nice guy,' the Leprechaun says to himself.  ?I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life.'

 
A year goes by before the golfer is back.  At the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and when he goes to retrieve his ball, the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
 
'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here, ' the little guy says. 'I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?'
 
'My game is fantastic!' the golfer answers: 'I'm an internationally famous golfer now.'  He adds, 'By the way, it's good to see you're all right.'

'Oh, I'm fine, thanks, says the leprechaun: 'You know, it was me that made your golf game improve.  So tell me, how's yer money situation'?
 
'Why, it's just wonderful!' the golfer states. 'When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!'
 
'I did that fer ye also,' smiles the leprechaun.  ?And tell me, how's yer sex life?'
 
The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, 'It's OK.'
 
C'mon, c'mon now,' urged the Leprechaun, 'I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?'
 
Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, 'Once, sometimes twice a week.'
 
'What?' responds the Leprechaun in shock. 'That's all? Only once or twice a week?'
 



'Well,' says the golfer, 'I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish..................

[thunderbrick]

 

[thunderbrick]

[thunderbrick]

WHY OLD MEN DON'T GET HIRED!

Job Interview:
 
Human Resources Manager: "What is your greatest weakness?"
 
Old Man : "Honesty."
 
Human Resources Manager: "I don't think honesty is a weakness."
 
Old Man : "I don't really give a shit what you think."
 

[martyo]

   but true

[JerryM]

Leaning back, he smiled as his wife moved forward, then backwards; forward, then backwards again...... back and forth. back and forth..... in and out.......

She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts, and trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near the end.

Her heart was pounding..... Her face was flushed.....

Then she moaned, softly at first, but began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted:

"Okay, Okay!!! I can’t park the car!!! You do it, you smug bastard!!!"

[decal]

Levels Of Stress

 





You pick up a hitchhiker...   A beautiful girl.
 Suddenly she faints inside your car and you take her to the hospital.
 Now that's stressful.

 




 
But at the hospital, they say she is pregnant &
 Congratulate you that you're going to be a father.
 You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are.
 This is getting very stressful!

 




 
You request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.

 
 


 


After the tests are completed,
 The doctor says the test shows you're infertile,
 And probably have been since birth.
 You're extremely stressed but relieved.Now it's Miller Time.

 
 
 





On your way back home, you think about your 5 kids at home.







 
 

[Guy 13]

Hi decal and all Audio Circle members.
Now that's funny !
 
I think that's the best one since I have joined Audio Circle.
Fell off my chair...
 

Guy 13

[jimdgoulding]

The Houston Texans.

[decal]

Eight Words with two Meanings



1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male..... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.
Female..... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female...... The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male..... Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

[aragon63]

A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It's about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, "Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It's going to bite one of my customers and I'm going to get sued."
The guy says, "No no no, it's a tame alligator. I'll prove it to you."
He picks up the alligator and puts it on the bar. Then he unzips his pants, pulls out his package and sticks it in the alligator's mouth. The alligator just keeps his mouth open. After about 5 minutes, he pulls it out of the alligator's mouth and zips up his pants and says, "See, I told you it was a tame alligator. Anybody else want to try it?"
The drunk down at the end of the bar says, "Yah, I'd like to try it but I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long!"

[bside123]

A guy walks into a bar and got a bruise on his head.