Joke of the Day

FullRangeMan · « **Reply #660 on:** 23 Oct 2013, 06:40 am »

CAPTION: Scientific explanation of mens passion for bikes.

Guy 13 · « **Reply #661 on:** 23 Oct 2013, 06:45 am »

Hi FULLRANGMAN and all Audio Circle members.

Guy 13
I wish I could post funny jokes like that.

Devil Doc · « **Reply #662 on:** 23 Oct 2013, 06:37 pm »

Back in the day we used to send young corpsmen to central supply, usually run by a mean old bat nurse, for a set of fallopian tubes.

Doc

thunderbrick · « **Reply #663 on:** 23 Oct 2013, 07:14 pm »

Had a buddy in VietNam who ran an Army photo lab. When another lab ran out of paper they'd send a young soldier to "borrow" some. My friend would ask "how many sheets?", open an old box of paper (in daylight) count out the desired sheets, and send the poor guy on the way. Can you imagine the reaction from his NCO?

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #664 on:** 23 Oct 2013, 07:36 pm »

Years ago, at work, I called a local parts store and ordered a few lengths of 3/16" steel brake line, 40" long.
My request was that they fill it with brake fluid for me, so I wouldn't have to bleed the brakes on the car after I installed the tubing.

(I thought it was funny)

Growing impatient as time goes on and my order doesn't show up, they called me back and exclaim they can't figure out how to put brake fluid into that little hole.

WireNut · « **Reply #665 on:** 23 Oct 2013, 07:43 pm »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #666 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 02:57 pm »

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?"

The Princess immediately said, "No!"

And the Prince lived happily ever after, and rode motorcycles and
dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women, and hunted and fished
and raced cars, and went to titty bars and dated ladies half his age
and drank whiskey, beer and Captain Morgan, and never heard bitching
and never paid child support or alimony, and dated cheerleaders and
kept his house and guns, and ate spam and potato chips and beans, and
blew enormous farts, and never got cheated on while he was at work,
and all his friends and family thought he was friggin cool as hell,
and he had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up, and
bought lots of expensive audio equipment.

The End.

macrojack · « **Reply #667 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 03:20 pm »

I take it your wife does not read Audio Circle. BTW, what's her email?

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #668 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 03:25 pm »

SSHHHhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #669 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 03:26 pm »

Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22 year old white male (AKA "Macrojack"), who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (GA) courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behaviour, public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. 'You know how a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was no one around' he stated.

Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his pressing need. 'Guess I was really into it, y'know?' he commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin.'

Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence...

'I said: 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a pumpkin?'

He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then he looked me straight in the face and said:

'A pumpkin? Shit ... is it midnight already ?'

The court (and the judge) could not contain their laughter. Lawrence was found guilty only of public intoxication, fined $10. and sent on his way.

The Washington Post wrote an article describing this as ""The Best Come-Back Line Ever !"

macrojack · « **Reply #670 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 04:20 pm »

I don't remember that incident but I spent that year inebriated and was subject to blackouts. I can say that I woke up in some situations where I might have preferred a pumpkin. Oh, to be 22 again!!

won ton on · « **Reply #671 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 04:24 pm »

Bob in St.Louis.........rotfalmao......good one

won ton on · « **Reply #672 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 04:24 pm »

the other one was good too

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #673 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 04:37 pm »

Thanks for being a good sport and taking that in stride.

decal · « **Reply #674 on:** 29 Oct 2013, 11:58 pm »

Facebook relationship rules............

http://maniacworld.com/facebook-the-electric-friendship-generator.html

ted_b · « **Reply #675 on:** 30 Oct 2013, 12:11 am »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #676 on:** 30 Oct 2013, 01:36 am »

No dictionary has ever been able to define the difference between "complete" and "finished". However, in a linguistic conference, held in London England , and attended by some of the best linguistics in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese was the clever winner.

His final challenge was this. Some say there is no difference between "complete" and "finished". Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand. His response was:

When you marry the right woman, you are "complete". If you marry the wrong woman, you are "finished". And, when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are "completely finished".

His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

decal · « **Reply #677 on:** 30 Oct 2013, 12:21 pm »

Good one there Bob !!!!!

rpf · « **Reply #678 on:** 30 Oct 2013, 02:52 pm »

That is really funny!

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #679 on:** 30 Oct 2013, 03:21 pm »

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put petrol on a fire, it will blow up?
The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.
We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.
This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast , so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.
Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters and buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.