Joke of the Day

jschwenker · « **Reply #3240 on:** 30 Nov 2023, 11:38 pm »

My last colonoscopy -

wasn't the most fun I ever had -

but it was way up there.

JLM · « **Reply #3241 on:** 1 Dec 2023, 02:10 pm »

My last colonoscopy was performed by a Dr. LaPayne (went very well).

jschwenker · « **Reply #3242 on:** 3 Dec 2023, 03:18 pm »

I went to see a psychic.
I knocked on her front door.
She yelled, “Who is it?”
So I left.

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3243 on:** 3 Dec 2023, 04:50 pm »

jschwenker · « **Reply #3244 on:** 6 Dec 2023, 11:59 pm »

Why do Americans refuse to accept the metric system?

You give them 25.4 millimeters and they take 1.61 kilometers!

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3245 on:** 7 Dec 2023, 12:48 am »

Why do Canadians like to “do it” doggy-style?

So she can watch the hockey game too.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3246 on:** 13 Dec 2023, 02:11 am »

Visitor: “How old is that T-Rex skeleton?”

Guide: "70 million and 6 years old.”

Visitor: “Wow. How can you be so precise?”

Guide: “They told me it was 70 million years old when I started here."

jschwenker · « **Reply #3247 on:** 14 Dec 2023, 03:45 pm »

Me: Google, when is the best time to watch the meteor shower?

Google: Nighttime.

simoon · « **Reply #3248 on:** 14 Dec 2023, 05:30 pm »

I picked up a hitchhiker today.

The hitchhiker said, "thanks so much for picking me up! But aren't you afraid I am a serial killer?"

Me: "No, do you know how astronomical the odds would be for there being 2 serial killers in one car?"

snaimpally · « **Reply #3249 on:** 14 Dec 2023, 09:19 pm »

https://doctor.webmd.com/doctor/richard-chopp-jr-98f8588e-487a-4c4e-a0b0-b97c08f38804-overview

Dr. Richard Chopp is a urologist. What are the odds that Dick, as his friends like to call him, does a lot of vasectomies?

jschwenker · « **Reply #3250 on:** 21 Dec 2023, 11:29 pm »

A pun has not completely matured…

...until it is full groan.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3251 on:** 23 Dec 2023, 05:20 pm »

It's almost Christmas...

...and not one damn polar bear has offered me a Coke!

jschwenker · « **Reply #3252 on:** 8 Jan 2024, 03:01 pm »

Leather is “rated” based on its texture.

Cattle with abundant water resources typically have softer hides, rated “A”.

But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are usually “D” hide rated.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3253 on:** 13 Jan 2024, 02:46 am »

My friend’s son asked him “Where does poo come from?”

He was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.

The boy looked a little perplexed, and stared at him with startled silence for a few seconds and asked “What about Tigger?"

mix4fix · « **Reply #3254 on:** 13 Jan 2024, 06:08 am »

Two Cadillac drivers got in a fender-bender, got out of their cars, and then started yelling at each other.

Within a few seconds, they were in a fistfight. I guess you could say things Escaladed quickly.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3255 on:** 13 Jan 2024, 06:10 am »

That car salesman is a real car-deal-ologist.

It’s been a long time since someone gave me such a stress test!

jschwenker · « **Reply #3256 on:** 15 Jan 2024, 11:05 pm »

Iamonthemoonandthereisnowheretogetabeer .Thereisnospacebar.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3257 on:** 17 Jan 2024, 08:09 am »

Why are Canadian students so smart?

They get lots of ehs.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3258 on:** 18 Jan 2024, 02:49 am »

What constitutes 50% of Canada?

The letter A.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3259 on:** 20 Jan 2024, 04:04 pm »

Alexander Graham Bell: "I am working on something pretty big.”

"I am too." replied his brother Taco.