Joke of the Day

jschwenker · « **Reply #3080 on:** 27 Apr 2023, 03:03 am »

Internet dating: The odds are good, but...
the goods are odd!

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3081 on:** 27 Apr 2023, 06:32 pm »

Why did the cowboy adopt a wiener dog?

He wanted to get a long little doggie.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3082 on:** 28 Apr 2023, 01:14 am »

My half brother and I...
aren’t allowed to play with chainsaws anymore.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3083 on:** 29 Apr 2023, 01:45 am »

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.

Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

richidoo · « **Reply #3084 on:** 29 Apr 2023, 03:05 am »

Johnny Carson monologue rerun:

"Old man goes to the doctor. Says I'm getting married again, she's 24yo.

"Doc says, you know at your age sex can be dangerous.

"Old man says, Oh well, If she dies, she dies."

mix4fix · « **Reply #3085 on:** 30 Apr 2023, 12:11 am »

What's a zebra?

A couple sizes bigger than an A.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3086 on:** 1 May 2023, 02:25 am »

Just saw someone ripped the fifth month out of my calendar.
I am completely dismayed.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3087 on:** 1 May 2023, 03:33 am »

It’s too bad that the inventor of the carousel and the inventor of the Ferris wheel never met.

They ran in different circles.”

jschwenker · « **Reply #3088 on:** 3 May 2023, 12:01 am »

Naked Running.
Apparently this is running without a GPS, music or tech of any kind.
Wish I knew this before I went running.

Cheers, John

bside123 · « **Reply #3089 on:** 3 May 2023, 02:14 pm »

Two silk worms got into a race. They ended up in a tie.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3090 on:** 5 May 2023, 12:15 am »

An emergency call came in: "Come quick! My friend was bitten by a wolf!”
Operator: “Where?”
Caller: “No, a regular one."

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3091 on:** 5 May 2023, 08:28 am »

I will never understand why manslaughter is illegal.

Men should be able to laugh at whatever they want.

richidoo · « **Reply #3092 on:** 5 May 2023, 02:35 pm »

New to the circle / looking to upgrade

Awww, at least give us a chance!

Welcome to AC, EstrangedBaron!

mix4fix · « **Reply #3093 on:** 7 May 2023, 07:10 am »

2 audiophiles talking...
1st one says, "Did you hear the sad news about Bob; he died of a sudden illness."

2nd audiophile says, "That's so sad, what did he have?"

1st audiophile replies, "Krell, Thiel, Theta, and Nordost."

jschwenker · « **Reply #3094 on:** 9 May 2023, 12:03 am »

When you die, the last part of your body to stop working are your pupils because…
...they just dilate.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3095 on:** 9 May 2023, 02:48 am »

Just got back from a job interview where I was asked if I could perform "Under Pressure".

I said I wasn’t too sure about that but I could do a wicked “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3096 on:** 9 May 2023, 03:10 am »

mix4fix · « **Reply #3097 on:** 10 May 2023, 05:03 am »

Here in the South, we enjoy a good Himalayan deer stew.

That where you find him-a-layin’ there in the road, you take him home, and you cook him into a stew.

richidoo · « **Reply #3098 on:** 10 May 2023, 01:48 pm »

An atom walked into a bar looking dejected.
"What's wrong?" asks the bartender.
"I just lost an electron."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive."

(Don McMillan)

jschwenker · « **Reply #3099 on:** 11 May 2023, 02:42 am »

My teacher said not to worry about spelling because we have autocorrect.
For that I am infernally grapefruit.

Cheers, John