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A guy from New Orleans dies and is sent to Hell. He had been a horrible man his entire life.The devil puts him to work breaking up rocks with a sledge hammer. To make it worse, he cranks up the temperature and the humidity. After a couple of days, the devil checks in on his victim to see if he is suffering adequately. The devil is aghast as the guy from New Orleans is happily swinging his hammer and whistling a happy tune. The devil walks up to him and says, "I don't understand this. I've turned the heat way up, it's humid, you're crushing rocks; why are you so happy?" The guy from New Orleans with a big smile, looks at the devil and replies, "This is great! It reminds me of August in New Orleans. Hot, humid, a good place to work. It reminds me of home. This is fantastic!" The devil, extremely perplexed, walks away to ponder the remarks of the guy from New Orleans. Then he decides to drop the temperature, send down a driving rain and torrential wind. Soon, Hell is a wet, muddy mess. Walking in mud up to his knees with dust blowing into his eyes, the guy from New Orleans is happily slogging through the mud pushing a wheelbarrow full of crushed rocks. Again, the devil asks how he can be happy in such conditions.The guy from New Orleans replies, "This is great! Just like April in New Orleans . It reminds me of working out in the yard with spring planting!" The devil is now completely baffled but more determined to make the guy from New Orleans suffer. He makes the temperature plummet. Suddenly Hell is blanketed in snow and ice. Confident that this will surely make the guy from New Orleans unhappy, the devil checks in on him. He is again aghast at what he sees. The guy from New Orleans is dancing, singing, and twirling his sledgehammer as he cavorts in glee. "How can you be so happy? Don't you know its 40 below zero!?" screams the devil. Jumping up and down, the guy from New Orleans throws a snowball at the devil and yells, "Hell's frozen over! This means the Saints won the Super Bowl.
Why I fired my Secretary........... Yesterday was my birthdayAnd I didn't feel very wellWaking up on that morning.I went downstairs for breakfastHoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', And possibly have a small present for me.As it turned out,She barely said good morning,Let alone'Happy Birthday.'I thought....Well, that's marriage for you,But the kids...They will remember.My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast And didn't say a word.So when I left for the office,I felt pretty lowAnd somewhat despondent.As I walked into my office,My secretary Jane said,'Good Morning Boss,And by the wayHappy Birthday! 'It felt a little betterThat at least someone had remembered.I worked until one o'clock ,When Jane knocked on my doorAnd said, 'You know,It's such a beautiful day outside,And it is your Birthday,S0 What do you say we go out to lunch,Just you and me.'I said, 'Thanks, Jane,that's the greatest thingI've heard all day.Let's go!'We went to lunch.But we didn't goWhere we normally would go.She chose instead at a quiet bistroWith a private table.We had two martinis eachAnd I enjoyed the meal tremendously...On the way back to the office,Jane said, 'You know,It's such a beautiful day....We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do we ?'I responded,'I guess not.What do you have in mind?'She said,'Let's drop by my apartment,it's just around the corner.'0KAfter arriving at her apartment,Jane turned to me and said,' Boss, if you don't mind,I'm going to step into the bedroomFor just a moment.I'll be right back.''Ok.' I nervously replied.She went into the bedroom and,After a couple of minutes,She came outCarrying a huge birthday cake ........FollowedBy my wife,My kids,And dozens of my friendsAnd co-workers,All singing 'Happy Birthday'.And I just sat there...On the couch...Naked.
Confucius Say: *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
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