[charmerci]

A Sunday school teacher asked her children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
 
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A father was at the beach with his children when the four- year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked.
 
"He died and went to Heaven," the Dad replied.
 
The boy thought a moment and then said,
 
"Did God throw him back down?"
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
 
"I wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied.
 
"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the wife answered.
 
The daughter bowed her head and said,
 
"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

[Bob in St. Louis]

This isn't really a "joke", but it is humorous to watch.
Not for kids though, as the language is a bit strong.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VXQltHSkyY

[Guy 13]

This isn't really a "joke", but it is humorous to watch.
Not for kids though, as the language is a bit strong.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VXQltHSkyY

Hi Bob.
Cannot access the video from planet Vietnam
with your link.
How about other AC members on other planets ?

Guy 13 on planet Vietnam.

[Bob in St. Louis]

Is YouTube available there?

[Guy 13]

Is YouTube available there?

Hi Bob,
yes, I watch YouTube videos all day long, well,
several time a day.
Are you sure you have typed the name correctly?
Mistakes happen !

Guy 13

[Guy 13]

Hi Bob.
At last, I got it.
Again, it's the Vietnamese server that was sleeping,
so I will blame them.
Wow, that woman has a strong/bad language,
I hope her children don't talk like her.
She cannot say more than three words without the " F " word
or something as bad...
Thanks anyway.
To know different kind of people, you must see/meet different kind of people.
I knew people like that existed, but thanks for reminding me that there are still people like that.
I am sure some AC members will be insulted by such language,
time will tell if I am right. 

Guy 13

[Bob in St. Louis]

Some might call that "ghetto".....a way of life in some urban areas.
And yes, the kids will grow up to talk and act just like her.

[Guy 13]

Some might call that "ghetto".....a way of life in some urban areas.
And yes, the kids will grow up to talk and act just like her.

Hi Bob.
Sad, sad, sad...
That's why a good education is important
amd that's why government should not cut education budget.
Oups.... No politic please.

[Bob in St. Louis]

Agreed....on all counts.

[rodge827]

Auntie Fee the cure for obesity! 

[Kenneth Patchen]

Well, if you thought that language was bad, you shoulda heard Bob's lanquage when he ran out of Slap Yo Daddy the last time he was preparing his burnt wrapped butt ends. I wasn't even there but I could hear him in New York!

[Bob in St. Louis]

Well, I know that's a lie, because I'll NEVER run out of "Slap Yo' Daddy". 


    

[I.Greyhound Fan]

How do you tell if you are married or gay?

If you haven't had sex with some one of the opposite sex in 3 months you are either married or gay!

[charmerci]

A cop pulls over a guy.
"Your eyes are awfully red. Have you been drinking?"
"Gee, officer," the man says. "Your eyes are awfully glazed -- have you been eating doughnuts?"
 
Sharing
 A Frenchman, an Englishman, an American man, and a lawyer were sitting on a train.
The Frenchman offered everyone some of his baguette, then threw it out the window, saying,
 "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."
 
The Englishman offered everyone a crumpet, then threw the rest out of the window, saying,
 "Don't worry - we have plenty of those where I come from."
 
Then the American threw the lawyer out the window...
 
-----
 
A guy says, "Doctor, Doctor! Help me, I keep thinking I'm getting smaller!"
 
The doctor replies, "Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

[mikeeastman]

The Guys' Rules ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear "the rules " From the female side.Now h ere are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men ARE not mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one .
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. (or generators)
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[Guy 13]

mikeeastman.

 

Guy 13

[ebag4]

 

[MaxCast]

   I like number 1.

[mikeeastman]

Here's one for the ladies;

  Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband." The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
"Good trade....."

[Kenneth Patchen]

All the above was Bible except for:

"1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us"

Young bloods pay attention here. If asked that question the correct answer is "No, not at all". It's quick and painless and you'll get beaucoup 'Get out of Jail' points. It's an investment that will pay off later. Trust me. And one other thing, 'Puce' isn't a color is it? I mean, that's a joke, right?