[Imperial]

It's one of those things, this joke I can't spell out...
You have got to hear it...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KZ2EVIDDbY

Ye-haa... 

Imperial

[Rashiki]

I found this one on slashdot, with a minor edit by me.

The Three Envelopes

A guy starts a new job as manager in a tech company.

All goes well for a few weeks, then something big breaks. Lots of pressure. Rooting around in his desk, he finds 3 envelopes. The first is labeled "Open at the First Crisis". On a whim, he opens it and the note inside reads "Blame it on your Predecessor". He decides to take this advice and to his surprise, it works like a charm, management is satisfied, he is given time to fix things.

A few months go by and a something much bigger breaks, seriously disrupting operations. He is in trouble. At his desk, he decides to open the envelope labeled: "Open at the Second Crisis". He'd been saving it for something big, and this is it. The note inside says: "Form a Committee to Study the Issue". He does just that and, to his surprise, it works great. The committee wastes time and accomplishes nothing, but blame is diffused.

A few years go by. The third and final envelope is labeled: "Open at the Third Crisis". He thinks about opening it many times, but he waits, saving it for a real disaster. One day, it comes. Catastrophic failure. He takes a deep breath, tears the envelope open and inside, finds a note that reads: "Prepare Three Envelopes".

[charmerci]

I'm sure you've been sent these already -


1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't too much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar,and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
    "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
    "It's true; no bull!" exclaims  Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but  I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!".
     The  doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank,
     proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
     After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
     "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
     "Because," he said. "I can't stand  chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18.  A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt ,and is named Ahmal.
      The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him Juan.
      Years later, Juan sends a  picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
      wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
      Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also
     ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
     This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

21. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make
     them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[konut]

2 sausages were placed in a pan, and the heat turned on. After awhile, 1 sausage said to the other, "Hey, its getting hot in here." The other sausage said " OMG, a talking sausage!"

[Len_Dreyer]

Spanish Class

A Spanish Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or
feminine.  'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'  'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for  themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. 

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora' ), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador') , because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Share this with all the smart women you know...and all the men that have a sense of humor.

[Len_Dreyer]

What Starts with F and ends with K

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem? '

Harry answered,'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office..

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal:'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry:'9..'

Principal: 'What is6 x 6?'
Harry:'36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.  The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'  The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks,'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment:'Legs.'

Ms Brooks:'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'  The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied:'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks:'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry:'Pants..'

Ms. Brooks: 'What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry:'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks:'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'  The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied,'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry:'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks:'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'fire truck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....

[JerryM]

A man forgets his twentieth wedding anniversary. His wife is pissed.

She tells him in no uncertain terms "Tomorrow morning there had better be something in the driveway that goes 0 to 200 in under 10 seconds!"

The next morning, he leaves early.

At her usual time, she gets up. She goes to the front window and, looking outside, sees a gift wrapped box sitting in the driveway. Somewhat confused, she goes out and retrieves the gift. She brings it into the house and unwraps it.

It is a brand new bathroom scale.

He has been missing since Tuesday.

Have fun,
Jerry

[Bob in St. Louis]

To Be 6 Again....
 
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed,  observing his wife, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her
birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her birthday.

'I'd like to be six again', she replied, still looking in the mirror.
 
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then
took her to Six Flags theme park. What a  day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide,
the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster  Roller Coaster, everything there was..

Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake.

Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big
 smile and lovingly asked,  'Well dear, what was it like being six again?'
 
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. 'I meant my dress size, you retard!!!!'

The moral of the story:  Even when a man is listening, he is gonna get it wrong.

[Audiovista]

COLONOSCOPY JOURNAL

> Dave Barry is a Pulitzer Prize-winning humor columnist for
> the Miami Herald.
>
> This is from newshound Dave Barry's colonoscopy
> journal:
>
> I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to
> make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in
> his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a
> lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one
> point passing briefly through Minneapolis . Then Andy
> explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough,
> reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I
> didn't really hear anything he said, because my brain
> was shrieking, quote, 'HE'S GOING TO STICK A TUBE
> 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!'
>
> I left Andy's office with some written instructions,
> and a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,'
> which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.
> I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it
> to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of
> America's enemies.
>
> I spent the next several days productively sitting around
> being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I
> began my preparation. In accordance with my instructions, I
> didn't eat any solid food that day; all I had was
> chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less
> flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix
> two packets of powder together in a one-liter
> plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For
> those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32
> gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes
> about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being
> kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with
> just a hint of lemon.
>
> The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody
> with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it,
> 'a loose, watery bowel movement may result.' This
> is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof,
> you may experience contact with the ground.
>
> MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too
> graphic here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle
> launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with
> you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish the
> commode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty
> much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You
> eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be
> totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep,
> at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel
> into the future and start eliminating food that you have not
> even eaten yet.
>
> After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep.
> The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very
> nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I
> had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep
> spurtage. I was thinking, 'What if I spurt on
> Andy?' How do you apologize to a friend for something
> like that? Flowers would not be enough.
>
> At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I
> understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the
> forms said. Then they led me to a room full of other
> colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained
> space and took off my clothes and put on one of those
> hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind
> that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked
> than when you are actually naked.
>
> Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in
> my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie
> was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also
> told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At
> first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this
> but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself
> too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering
> around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but
> to burn your house.
>
> When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the
> procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an
> anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I
> knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was
> seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on
> my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking
> something up to the needle in my hand. There was music
> playing in the room, and I realized that the song was
> 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to Andy that,
> of all the songs that could be playing during this
> particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had to be the
> least appropriate.
>
> 'You want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from
> somewhere behind me. 'Ha ha,' I said. And then it
> was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than a
> decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I
> am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it
> was like.
>
> I have no idea. Really. I slept through it. One moment,
> ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, feel the beat of the
> tambourine,' and the next moment, I was back in the
> other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was
> looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt
> excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me
> that It was all over, and that my colon had passed with
> flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal
> organ.

[Audiovista]

As long as we're on the topic....

> A physician claimed that the
> following are actual comments made by his patients
> (predominately male) while he was performing their
> colonoscopies:
>
> 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
> before!
>
> 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
>
> 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
>
> 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
>
> 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
>
> 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
>
> 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
>
> 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
>
>
> 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
>
> 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
>
> 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
>
> 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
>
> And the best one of all....
>
> 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
> there?

[charmerci]

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane
when another man sits down in the aisle seat and puts his black Labrador
in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why the dog is
allowed on the plane ?

The second man explains that he is a Drug Enforcement Agency officer
and the dog is a 'Sniffer dog'. 'His name is Smithy and he's the best there is.
I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane takes off, and once it has levelled out, the agent says:
 Watch this.'   He tells Smithy to 'search'.

Smithy jumps down, walks along the aisle, and finally sits very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Smithy then returns to his seat and puts one paw on the agent's arm.

The agent says, 'Good boy', and he turns to the man and says:
'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her
seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.'

'Say, that's pretty neat,' replies the first man.

Once again, the agent sends Smithy to search the aisles.
 The Lab sniffs about, sits down beside a man for a few seconds,
returns to his seat and this time, he places TWO paws on the agent's
arm.

The agent says,  'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making
note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' says his seat mate.

The agent then tells Smithy to 'search' again.

Smithy walks up and down the aisles for a little while, sits down for a
moment and then comes racing back to the agent, jumps into the
middle seat and proceeds to sh!t all over the place.

The first man is really amazed out by this behavior and can't figure
out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like this,
so he asks the agent 'What's going on?'

The agent nervously replies,

'He just found a bomb !'

[Bob in St. Louis]

I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired.
This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say
the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
usuing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'

Caller:              'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator:         'Went away?'

Caller:              'They disappeared'

Operator:         'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller:              'Nothing.'

Operator:         'Nothing??'

Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller:              'How do I tell?'

Operator:         'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller:              'What's a monitor?'

Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller:               'I don't know.'

Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'

Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.

Caller:              'Yes, it is.'

Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.'

Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'

Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller:               'I can't reach.'

Operator:          'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller:               'No.'

Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'

Caller:               'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator:          'Dark?'

Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.'

Operator:           'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller:               'I can't.'

Operator:          'No? Why not?'

Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator:           'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller:                'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator:           'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller:                'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator:           'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

[nathanm]

I'm disappointed that only the ending isn't true.   Dammit, I want the whole thing to be made up!
http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/wordperfect.asp

[honesthoff]

When I was in school I worked summers for Rockwell International at their help desk in their computer library.  A majority of problems were fixed by telling the end user to please turn his contrast knob to the right.  Of course this was 25 years ago.

[Bob in St. Louis]

Samsung Electronics

Caller:          'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'

Operator:     'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.'

Caller:          'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC               wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?'

Operator:      'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.'

[Bob in St. Louis]

Caller:  'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?'

  If only it was that easy.

[thunderbrick]

As long as we're on the topic....

> A physician claimed that the
> following are actual comments made by his patients
> (predominately male) while he was performing their
> colonoscopies:
>
> 1. 'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone
> before!
>
> 2. 'Find Amelia Earhart yet?'
>
> 3. 'Can you hear me NOW?'
>
> 4. 'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?'
>
> 5. 'You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married.'
>
> 6. 'Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?'
>
> 7. 'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...'
>
> 8. 'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!'
>
>
> 9. 'If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit!
>
> 10. 'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.'
>
> 11. 'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?'
>
> 12. 'God, now I know why I am not gay.'
>
> And the best one of all....
>
> 13. 'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up
> there?

Jeez, I just went through this today!  The procedure was a piece of cake, mainly because I was out cold, but the preparation was interesting to say the least.
Helluva diet plan..........

[Bob in St. Louis]

 A little boy blows up a balloon and starts flicking it all around the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's liable to break something, but the boy continues.   

"Johnny!" Mom screams. "Knock it off." You're going to break something. He stops and eventually Mom leaves for a short trip to the shopping center.   
Johnny starts up with the balloon again.


after his mom has left for the store... He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet where he leaves it..   
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge, A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes.   
When she's finished, she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. She's not sure what this big brown thing is in the toilet! She calls her doctor. The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.   
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The balloon explodes and poop is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.   
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you all right?" she asks.   
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever actually seen a fart!"   

[Bob in St. Louis]

George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up
to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden
Shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back
door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed
stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing
from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your
Doors and an officer will be along when one is available."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
Then he phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now
because I just shot them." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence,
and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 

                        (True Story) I LOVE IT!

                      Don't mess with old people

[Bob in St. Louis]

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing
an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse appears to
give him a partial sponge bath.
       
'Nurse,' he mumbles from behind the mask, 'are my
testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know,
Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.
       
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my
testicles black?'

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and
heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her
embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his
manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a
close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look
fine.'
       
The man slowly pulls Off his oxygen mask, smiles at her,
and says very slowly, ' Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but
listen very very closely,  'Are - my - test - results - back?