The perfect location for one end will probably not be the perfect location for the other end. Setting the sub diagonally 3' out from a room corner would load each end equally.
Another option is to make the tube longer and install it vertically. Many high end subs use a vertical stacked array to control room nodes and even out the sound. Be creative and have fun with this.
Going vertical is definitely an interesting notion--I've read very little about the impact of raising the drivers vertically into a room, but what little I've come across has been very positive.
I also like the rocket theme! I was just at a friend's house and witnessed a barely 2-year old who absolutely Loves watching rocket launch videos... he tries to copy the sounds of the countdown and then squeals "blass off" while jumping in the air.
Maybe I could make a removable ring with hooks to turn it into a coat rack for guests.

I don't see why a cylinder should be any harder to make attractive in a space (at least my own space) than box-based subs, but to be fair I haven't tried yet.
The primary purpose of this sub will be to pressurize the room with deep bass for dance parties and that kind of thing, which is why I'd thought the monopole approach would be better than the H-frames. Not correct?
The secondary purpose will be filling in the main speakers below 40-60 Hz for music. My current mains are bass reflex, but I'm eyeballing OB/dipole builds for the future as well. I'm a bit of a bass head in general.
I had an SVS sonotube sub back in the day. It was not great. I'd recommend avoiding that type of box.
I don't know how that SVS sub was done, but 2 dual opposed GR drivers pushed by a Rythmik servo amp in a sealed tube of appropriate volume with almost no baffle seems like it should be a pretty solid concept from the engineering perspective. Am I missing something?