A Christmas Story

Scott F. · « **Reply #40 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 08:06 pm »

Quote from: thunderbrick on 26 Dec 2015, 05:42 pm

...so do I smother him now before he breeds?

thunderbrick · « **Reply #41 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 08:09 pm »

It never ends. SSIL had such a tough morning of texting that he went back to bed. While his wife walked the dogs in the rain.....

Since he flunked out of KU I'm guessing he didn't get to the 400-level courses in basic social courtesies.

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #42 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 09:06 pm »

Quote from: thunderbrick on 26 Dec 2015, 08:09 pm

........... his wife walked the dogs in the rain.....

...and then.....come back inside to sit in your chair?

WGH · « **Reply #43 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 09:14 pm »

Quote from: thunderbrick on 26 Dec 2015, 08:09 pm

It never ends. SSIL had such a tough morning of texting that he went back to bed.

Can you do us a favor and grab SSIL's phone while he is sleeping

1.) to let us know what he is texting

2.) to run down the battery so it doesn't ring

3.) to hid it deep down in the couch cushions

4.) to record the ensuing panic of being disconnected and forced to interact with live humans

thunderbrick · « **Reply #44 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 09:20 pm »

Shit. Just shit.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #45 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 09:21 pm »

Quote from: WGH on 26 Dec 2015, 09:14 pm

Can you do us a favor and grab SSIL's phone while he is sleeping

4.) to record the ensuing panic of being disconnected and forced to interact with live humans

You don't understand. I don't WANT to interact with that sperm donor!!!!!

thunderbrick · « **Reply #46 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 09:25 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 26 Dec 2015, 09:06 pm

...and then.....come back inside to sit in your chair?

Yep.

The threat grows more sinister....their Wichita domicile is under a winter storm ~~watch~~ WARNING!, and God forbid they travel in such perilous conditions.

I may have to implement the emergency plan that my boss and I set up for just such an occasion. If I text him the secret code he'll call me at home and ORDER me to cancel next weeks' vacation and come to the office.

We have the same arrangement in place should his outlaws show up.....

thunderbrick · « **Reply #47 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 10:40 pm »

A fleeting touch of Karma....In the 12+ years we've been together we've almost always dragged ourselves to ANOTHER inlaw's home for the "festivities."

THAT brother-in-law is a horse's ass with a Napoleonic complex (or vice-versa). And he has a lot of money, which makes it worse. Worse yet his massive home theater is RCA or below....you get the idea.

He like to make very crude remarks (often at his wife's expense) at the Thanksgiving table (in front of my parents-in-law) and everyone (but me) pretends to be amused/tolerant.

This year The Warden put her foot down and said "We're gonna have Christmas at OUR house for a change!" and that started WWIII between the two sisters. MIL just wants everyone to be happy. That ain't happenin'!

So, today, not-so-bright Stepson (SS) and his (now formally fiancee) stopped in for the big party at asshole's house just to be nice, before driving the two hours to our place. Good news, SS and girl have no dogs...

SS, who is overdue at our house, just texts that at noon today, lightning has apparently hit their neighborhood and knocked out power. Since it's STILL out that dickhead has no TV (which he watches regardless of what conversation may be going on) or lights of any kind.

Did I mention besides a big outdoor pool, tennis courts and 5 acres, he has one of those massive automatic emergency LP generators? Unlike his home theater, it's top of the line.

Guess what? It's been four hours and they STILL can't get it started.

That means they are sitting in the dark eating cold food.

Yes, Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus!

thunderbrick · « **Reply #48 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 10:42 pm »

Pause for intermission.

If by chance I never post on AC again, that means the Warden has found this thread.

I don't care. It will have been worth it.

Pete Schumacher · « **Reply #49 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 10:55 pm »

Quote from: thunderbrick on 26 Dec 2015, 10:42 pm

Pause for intermission.

If by chance I never post on AC again, that means the Warden has found this thread.

I don't care. It will have been worth it.

What needs to happen is for the in-laws to find this thread.

Guy 13 · « **Reply #50 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 11:13 pm »

The inlaws will never find those post
because they are too busy texting and sleeping...

ArthurDent · « **Reply #51 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 11:34 pm »

Quote from: thunderbrick on 26 Dec 2015, 05:49 pm

Update, Part Deux.

A standard poodle has just replaced grandson in the recliner. Conversation hasn't changed.

Your killin' me 'brick

Your patience, super human self-control, and generosity to share the script of what would undoubtedly be the smash hit followup to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is most humbling.

Wind Chaser · « **Reply #52 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 11:35 pm »

Well if I was in your position, for the sake of my own sanity, I'd have to put my foot down, starting with the warden. It's time to assert yourself and be the king of your own castle.

Come next year, or any subsequent year thereafter... Je me souviens.

Audioclyde · « **Reply #53 on:** 26 Dec 2015, 11:50 pm »

'Brick you are welcome to the guest room here in Tulsa--but you can't bring the poodles (or in laws)

daves · « **Reply #54 on:** 27 Dec 2015, 12:28 am »

Bob, you are welcome up here, and bring the poodles. We will throw them in the backyard all day, where they can chase squirrels and get all kinds of muddy, just in time to ride back in SSDaddy's car.

Their battery went dead on the emergency generator, and won't power the glow plug. Hah, karma indeed!

thunderbrick · « **Reply #55 on:** 27 Dec 2015, 12:39 am »

Quote from: Wind Chaser on 26 Dec 2015, 11:35 pm

Well if I was in your position, for the sake of my own sanity, I'd have to put my foot down, starting with the warden. It's time to assert yourself and be the king of your own castle.

Come next year, or any subsequent year thereafter... Je me souviens.

That conversation has started. An hour ago she had a minor meltdown while carrying laundry up the steps. I did have a gentle talk with her about pushing too hard to make the place perfect and make sure the in~~laws~~mates are comfortable (Never mind they live like pigs).

After the holidays we'll discuss more calmly. Right now I'm glad my daughter has taken this mob off our hands for one night. But we still have the beasts, one of whom stole my dinner when I got up to change an LP.

Oh. Did I mention tomorrow The Warden's parents are showing up? I love the MIL; she's pretty sharp. The FIL is OK, but I'm worried he'll bring old NASCAR dvds to play on the main system...

Did I mention we are doing our guests' LAUNDRY!

thunderbrick · « **Reply #56 on:** 27 Dec 2015, 12:41 am »

BTW, never, ever, get between a Momma Bear and her cubs! Now is not the time.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #57 on:** 27 Dec 2015, 12:45 am »

Quote from: ArthurDent on 26 Dec 2015, 11:34 pm

Your killin' me 'brick Your patience, super human self-control, and generosity to share the script of what would undoubtedly be the smash hit followup to National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is most humbling.

Thanks, Art!

It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it......

sfox7076 · « **Reply #58 on:** 27 Dec 2015, 01:00 am »

You are too kind. Feed the dogs chocolate and cornbread before they leave. Will make their trip home a pleasure.

thunderbrick · « **Reply #59 on:** 27 Dec 2015, 01:29 am »

Are any AC members veterinarians? If so please message me with a recipe for anything that will turn their bowels to jelly about 20 minutes down the road.

If it works on humans I'll mail you some Bugle Boy 12AX7s.