Today I was in a shoe store that sells shoes, only shoes, nothing
else. A young girl with a tattoo and green hair walked over to me and
asked, "What brings you in today? I looked at her and said, "I'm
interested in buying a refrigerator." She didn't quite know how to
respond, and had that deer in headlights look.
I was thinking about old age and decided old age is when you still
have something on the ball, but you’re just too tired to bounce it.
When people see a cat's litter box they always say, "Oh, do you have a cat?"
I just say, "No, it's for company!"
Employment applications always ask who to call in case of an
emergency. I think you should write, "An ambulance."
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
Have you ever noticed: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me, I want people
to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and a lot of the
roads weren’t paved.
You know you’re getting old when everything either dries up, sags or leaks.
Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.
May you always have
Love to share,
Cash to spare,
Tires with air,
And friends who care