I too don't dislike dogs, but no sir. No dogs (or other pets) here as well. Your diatribe was kinda spot on... and entertaining.
I've also see "kid free" zone. I understand that to be important for the ultimate protection of your gear, but I just can't free my home of that. When I get little ones in my listening area I'm the ultimate Watch Captain in the watch tower at Sing Sing. They always know the rules.
I’ve got 2 kids and a cat. None of them have messed with my stuff. I have no idea what it is, but my cat leaves no traces of his existence behind. My cousin who’s more allergic to cats than anyone I’ve ever met is perfectly fine in my house. When my now 6 year old was born, he came over for the first time in years. He was here for 2 hours before he realized we had a cat. And he only realized it when he saw the cat sitting about 5 feet away from him. He looked at me really awkwardly and said “I didn’t know you had a cat.” We all started laughing because we just didn’t think about his allergies. He was here 4-5 hours and no reaction at all. I’ve seen him stop in the doorway and walk away at other people’s homes.
My older daughter almost touched an exposed tweeter once. She was 2 or 3. I told her no in a nice way and she never did anything like that again. Some people’s pets and kids destroy everything. I guess I got lucky because mine haven’t. Except for my youngest one time - when she was learning her letters, she picked up a pebble and tried to write her name on my wife’s car’s fender. She got “Em” of Emily before my wife caught her while she was buckling our other daughter in her car seat. Quite comical. It’ll buff out when I get around to it.