Joke of the Day

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S Clark

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  • a riot is the language of the unheard- Dr. King
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2920 on: 17 Dec 2021, 11:23 pm »
I asked the librarian if they had the latest book on ED. She said "I don't know if it is in yet." I said "Yes! That's the one!"


jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2921 on: 19 Dec 2021, 05:13 pm »
I called the doctor about a hearing condition I had.
He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said "Homer is big and yellow and Marge has blue hair."

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2922 on: 25 Dec 2021, 09:00 am »
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2923 on: 27 Dec 2021, 11:28 pm »
For anyone else who got coal for Christmas: We should get together… maybe we can get the grill going or something.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2924 on: 30 Dec 2021, 12:56 am »
I’ve just invented the first thought controlled air freshener…
It makes scents when you think about it…

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2925 on: 30 Dec 2021, 01:03 am »
A German man went to New York City
He started peeing on the street

A lady walked pass him and said: "Gross"

He replied: "Danke"

dilbertprogrammer

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2926 on: 30 Dec 2021, 01:59 am »
I’m addicted to collecting vintage Beatles albums. I need Help:lol:

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2927 on: 6 Jan 2022, 12:26 am »
My buddy and I spent 2 grand to hunt Kodiak bears in Alaska.
We got within 2 miles of our destination and saw a sign that said:
      Kodiak Hunting Camp
             Bear Left

We turned around and went home.

decal

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2928 on: 6 Jan 2022, 08:38 pm »
A German man went to New York City
He started peeing on the street

A lady walked pass him and said: "Gross"

He replied: "Danke"

 :rotflmao:

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2929 on: 12 Jan 2022, 06:52 pm »
I put it out there that I have a corner office with a view of the whole city,
I drive a quarter million dollar vehicle and I am paid to travel.

My dates are always upset when I tell them that I’m a bus driver.

Mudslide

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2930 on: 13 Jan 2022, 03:44 am »
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2931 on: 13 Jan 2022, 11:37 pm »
What happens when rapper Fifty-Cent get's hungry?

58

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2932 on: 14 Jan 2022, 02:33 am »
What is the most frightening word in nuclear physics?

“Oops”.

Mudslide

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2933 on: 14 Jan 2022, 03:18 am »
What is the most frightening word in nuclear physics?

“Oops”.

Same during surgery. 

And I've actually had that happen to me when having hip surgery under spinal only.  It was a training hospital and the rookie surgeon was drilling through my femur.  Smoke drifted about from my bone being drilled.  All else was quiet.  THEN....he suddenly said "Ooops!"   :o  I was not happy, but tried to make a joke about that being the one word you don't want to hear in an operating room.  No one laughed.   :(  (He thought he had drilled all the way through.  But thankfully he didn't.  Or so I was told.)

richidoo

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2934 on: 14 Jan 2022, 03:34 am »
Surgery trainee with drill

You’re a brave man Mudslide

Mudslide

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2935 on: 14 Jan 2022, 04:39 am »
Surgery trainee with drill

You’re a brave man Mudslide

Hahaa...not so brave, Rich.  I was told that the supervising surgeon would do the job and the trainee guy would just watch.  Nope.  I don't think he knew I'd be under spinal tap only...not general anesthesia.  (I guess that part might have been brave.  Sort of.)  And you know what, I believe that drill closely resembled my Black and Decker.  So that is one reason not to trust doctors. 

I now return you to your favorite humor.

weatherman1

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2936 on: 15 Jan 2022, 05:57 am »



aragon63

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2937 on: 30 Jan 2022, 06:26 pm »
They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

 There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.

I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

 

 

A 75-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'

 'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.

 The Receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'

 'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.

 The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.  You should have said there is something wrong with your ear and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'

 The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

 

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'

 'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

 The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'

 

'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.

 

The waiting room erupted in laughter...

djbnh

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2938 on: 2 Feb 2022, 03:49 pm »
A businessman ordered flowers to be sent to the opening of his friend’s new branch office. When the businessman got to the event, he was shocked to see the flowers with the inscription “Rest in Peace.”

He was so outraged that he stopped at the florist to complain. “It could be worse,” the florist said, “Just think: Today someone was buried beneath a floral arrangement with the inscription ‘Congratulations on Your New Location!’”

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2939 on: 17 Feb 2022, 03:07 am »
I heard that by law you are supposed to have your headlights on when it’s raining in Sweden.

How the hell am I supposed to know when it is raining in Sweden?