Joke of the Day

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jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3020 on: 20 Mar 2023, 02:23 am »
I called my doctor about a hearing condition I had.
He asked me to describe the symptoms.
I said "Homer is big and yellow and Marge has blue hair."

Cheers, John

bkatbamna

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3021 on: 20 Mar 2023, 02:58 am »
What kind of candies do you find in school:

Smarties, Dumdums, and Nerds.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3022 on: 20 Mar 2023, 06:05 am »
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna One, Anna Two.

mhconley

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3023 on: 20 Mar 2023, 01:41 pm »
Why are the Great Pyramids in Egypt?

Answer: Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum

This made me laugh out loud. Good one syzygy!

bside123

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3024 on: 20 Mar 2023, 03:40 pm »
A couple of silk worms were in a race. They ended up in a tie.  :thumb:

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3025 on: 21 Mar 2023, 01:05 am »
My buddy and I spent 2 grand to hunt Kodiak bears in Alaska.
We got within 2 miles of our destination and saw a sign that said:
        Kodiak Hunting Camp
               Bear Left
We turned around and went home.

Cheers, John

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3026 on: 21 Mar 2023, 04:45 am »
What do two audiophiles do when they celebrate?

They Hi-Fi.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3027 on: 22 Mar 2023, 02:14 am »
My friend told me she likes her men like she likes her coffee - sliding off the roof of her car as she drives away.

Cheers, John

Scroof Neachy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3028 on: 22 Mar 2023, 02:56 am »



jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3029 on: 23 Mar 2023, 02:59 am »
I heard the guy who invented anagrams passed away the other day.
May he erect a penis.

Cheers, John

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3030 on: 23 Mar 2023, 04:33 pm »
My wife is really mad that I have no sense of direction. I packed up my stuff and right.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3031 on: 24 Mar 2023, 01:02 am »
I tried to donate blood the other day.
Never again! Too many stupid questions.
Whose blood is it? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket?

Cheers, John

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3032 on: 25 Mar 2023, 12:12 am »
Is it crazy how saying sentences backwards… creates... backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

Cheers, John

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3033 on: 26 Mar 2023, 03:40 am »
What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
DUNG!

Cheers, John

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3034 on: 26 Mar 2023, 06:50 am »
I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out.

The cashier said never mind.

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3035 on: 26 Mar 2023, 11:35 pm »
What’s green and fuzzy, has four legs and may kill you if it falls out of a tree?
 … A pool table.

Cheers, John

Scroof Neachy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3036 on: 27 Mar 2023, 01:48 am »



rodge827

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3037 on: 28 Mar 2023, 03:57 pm »
Steve lived all his life in the Florida Keys and is on his deathbed and knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and two sons are with him. He asks for two witnesses to be present, and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes, and when all is ready, he begins to speak:
 
"My son, Doug, I want you to take the Ocean Reef houses.”
 
"My daughter Kelly, you take the apartments between mile markers 100 and Tavernier.”
 
"My son, Kevin, I want you to take the offices over in the Marathon Government Center.”
 
"Cathy, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the bay side on Blackwater Sound.”
 
The nurse and witnesses are blown away as they did not realize his extensive holdings, and as Steve slips away, the nurse says, "Your husband must have been such a hard-working man to have accumulated all this property.”
 
The wife replies, "The asshole had a paper route.”
 
Remember, next time you hate your life, it's all about perspective. I have a friend who reads 2-3 books a week, works out twice a day, and has people who want to have sex with him all the time, yet complains about how much he hates prison.

Dieterle Tool

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3038 on: 28 Mar 2023, 08:29 pm »
What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on a head, I gotta give these two a lift.  :green:

-Dieter

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3039 on: 29 Mar 2023, 01:55 am »
Scientists are studying the effects of cannabis on seabirds.
They’re leaving no tern unstoned.

Cheers, John