Joke of the Day

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2940 on:** 6 Mar 2022, 06:48 pm »

If you had a choice between eating tacos everyday or being skinny for the rest of your life...

would you choose hard or soft shells?

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2941 on:** 3 Jun 2022, 01:47 pm »

1. Go to bed early.
2. Stay at home.
3. Don't go to a party.

My childhood punishments have become my life goals.

jschwenker · « **Reply #2942 on:** 3 Jun 2022, 06:04 pm »

The Beastie Boys are releasing a five-part anthology.
Parts A-D are free.
You have to fight for your right to Part E.

mix4fix · « **Reply #2943 on:** 4 Jun 2022, 06:38 am »

During an interview with Sylvester Stallone about Creed 2, Dolph Lundgren interrupted his movie buddy to have a little fun on the set. During their discussion of both of their character dynamics in Rocky 4 and Creed 2, Dolph noticed something about Sly, and started to question about his appearance. Now, both of them treated themselves to a full spa day after filming was complete. Mud bath, steam room, facials, and getting groomed by a specialist. But it seemed like Sly went a little overboard, and it didn't look natural. Dolph started to roast him on how far he went with it. So, in his best Ivan Drago voice, he said...

“If he dyes, he dyes.”

mix4fix · « **Reply #2944 on:** 4 Jun 2022, 06:51 am »

A slice of pie costs $1.50 in Jamaica and $2.00 in the Bahamas.

Those were the pie rates of the Caribbean.

jschwenker · « **Reply #2945 on:** 6 Jun 2022, 07:56 pm »

I was on a diabetes awareness website.
It asked me if I would accept cookies.
Is that a trick question?

richidoo · « **Reply #2946 on:** 27 Jun 2022, 04:12 pm »

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/TIoHVNAFqqk

jschwenker · « **Reply #2947 on:** 1 Jul 2022, 02:20 pm »

Three moles in a tunnel.
First one says “I smell sugar”.
Second one says “I smell cinnamon”.
Third one says: “I smell molasses”.

bside123 · « **Reply #2948 on:** 25 Jul 2022, 09:14 pm »

On the street outside my office a guy had a clam on a leash! He was having a hard time walking with a pulled muscle.

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #2949 on:** 25 Jul 2022, 10:04 pm »

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #2950 on:** 16 Sep 2022, 01:37 pm »

When Sweden plays Denmark the scoreboard will read:
SWE-DEN

The missing letters are:
DEN-MARK

Wow, talk about cancel culture.

Saturn94 · « **Reply #2951 on:** 17 Sep 2022, 04:00 am »

Wayner · « **Reply #2952 on:** 17 Sep 2022, 12:09 pm »

Salesman: "Hi, I'm a b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bible salesman. Would you like to b-b-b-b-b--b-b-b-b-b-buy a b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bible or should I r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r--r-r-r-r-r-r-r-read it to you"?

Customer: "I'll buy one".

bkatbamna · « **Reply #2953 on:** 17 Sep 2022, 06:44 pm »

A joke from Ronnie Corbett:
On the A-4 a prison bus collided with a cement truck. The police are looking for several hardened criminals.

bside123 · « **Reply #2954 on:** 18 Sep 2022, 03:46 pm »

Recently, I saw a group of mimes. They were doing things that were unspeakable.

jschwenker · « **Reply #2955 on:** 18 Sep 2022, 05:50 pm »

I lost three fingers on my hand.
Asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it.
He said: “Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it."

mix4fix · « **Reply #2956 on:** 18 Sep 2022, 05:57 pm »

mix4fix · « **Reply #2957 on:** 18 Sep 2022, 05:59 pm »

mix4fix · « **Reply #2958 on:** 1 Oct 2022, 06:01 pm »

I asked my dog this morning on how his week has been going...

...and he said ruff.

dflee · « **Reply #2959 on:** 1 Oct 2022, 06:18 pm »

I have requested to be buried with my stereo.
Not necessarily cause I love it that much (even though I really do enjoy it).
I just don't want the Missus finding out what I paid for it all.

Don