Joke of the Day

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JakeJ

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #840 on: 23 Jan 2014, 02:19 am »
The last four had me gigglin'

BSTL - you need rim shots if you're gonna do one-liners.  Good on ya!  :rotflmao:

jhm731 - Although I'm not married I could see myself spending time there with my married buddies.

Letitroll98 - I like that one too.  I'll have to share that with the work mates.

I just got home from work and started sifting the email and here's where I landed first.  Thanks fellers!

thunderbrick

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #841 on: 23 Jan 2014, 02:57 am »
MORAL: Never argue with a woman.

Period.    :shake:

JerryM

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #842 on: 23 Jan 2014, 03:33 am »
^^^  :lol:

Do you know why God gave women periods?

Because they deserve them.

thunderbrick

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #843 on: 23 Jan 2014, 03:38 am »
PMS    =     Putting up with men's shit

aragon63

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #844 on: 23 Jan 2014, 03:49 am »
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."

The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first."

JerryM

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #845 on: 23 Jan 2014, 04:29 am »
 :lol:

That joke reminded me of an "oldie but goodie":

A guy walks into a bar and notices a very large jar on the counter, and
sees it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must
be thousands of dollars in it.

He approaches the bartender and asks. "What's up with the jar?"

Well, you pay $10 and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up. "What are the three tests?"

Pay first, those are the rules." says the bartender. So the man
gives him the $10 and the bartender packs it into the jar. "OK,"
the bartender says. Here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink that entire gallon of pepper tequila, the
whole thing, all at once...and you can't make a face while doing it.

Second - There's a pit bull chained-up out back with a sore tooth.
You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands.

Third. - There's a 90-year old woman upstairs who has never had an
orgasm. You've gotta make things right for her."

The man is stunned. "I know I paid my $10, but I'm not an idiot! I
won't do it! You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of pepper
tequila, and then do those other things..."

"Your call," says the bartender, "but your money stays where it is."

As time goes on and the man has a few drinks, then a few more, he
asks,"Where ez zat tequila?" He grabs the gallon with both hands
and downs it with a big slurp. Tears streaming down both cheeks,
but he doesn't make a face.

Next, he staggers out back where the pit bull is chained-up and
soon the people inside the bar hear a huge, noisy, scuffle going on outside.

They hear the pit bull barking, the guy screaming, the pitbull
yelping and then. .silence.

Just when they think the man surely must be dead, he staggers back
into the bar, with his shirt ripped and large bloody scratches all
over his body.

"Now," he says. "where zat woman with the sore tooth?"

jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #846 on: 23 Jan 2014, 08:34 pm »
Fishing with a hand grenade.
 
1. Pull the pin.
 
2. Throw it far from the boat.
 
3. Net the stunned and dead fish.
 
These guys forgot step 2:
 

http://dragonlaffs.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/14.gif

mikeeastman

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #847 on: 23 Jan 2014, 08:48 pm »
 Blond, brunette,blond, brunette,blond. brunette,blond, brunette. What is it?


   A cheerleader doing summersaults.

jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #848 on: 25 Jan 2014, 03:10 am »

Letitroll98

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #849 on: 25 Jan 2014, 04:16 pm »
Circuit Diagram


Bob in St. Louis

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #850 on: 26 Jan 2014, 12:11 am »
That's awesome!  :thumb:

I.Greyhound Fan

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #851 on: 26 Jan 2014, 02:11 am »
Fishing with a hand grenade.
 
1. Pull the pin.
 
2. Throw it far from the boat.
 
3. Net the stunned and dead fish.
 
These guys forgot step 2:




 

http://dragonlaffs.files.wordpress.com/2013/03/14.gif


It looks like it was photo-shopped.    Look at the guy in the foreground.  His head disappears when the explosion occurs.

Letitroll98

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #852 on: 27 Jan 2014, 12:40 pm »
I'm trying to find Audio Circle, can anyone help?


MaxCast

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #853 on: 27 Jan 2014, 03:56 pm »
Circuit Diagram



 :lol:  I like the touch tongue here. 

Where's the penny?

Bob in St. Louis

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #854 on: 27 Jan 2014, 04:56 pm »

thunderbrick

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #855 on: 27 Jan 2014, 05:02 pm »
Subject: British humor
 
The train was quite crowded and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only one left was taken by a poodle owned by well-dressed, middle-aged, French woman.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?'
 
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular. 'Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.'
 
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
 
'Please Ma'am.  May I sit down?  I'm very tired.'
 
She snorted, 'Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!'
 
This time the Marine didn't say a word; he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
 
The woman shrieked, 'Someone must defend my honour!  This American should be put in his place!'
 
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, 'Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing.  You hold the fork in the wrong hand.  You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road.  And now, Sir, you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out of the window'.
 

sebrof

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #856 on: 28 Jan 2014, 03:37 am »

It looks like it was photo-shopped.    Look at the guy in the foreground.  His head disappears when the explosion occurs.
That's 'cause it got blowed off!

I.Greyhound Fan

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #857 on: 28 Jan 2014, 04:44 am »
That's 'cause it got blowed off!

It happened too fast.

I.Greyhound Fan

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #858 on: 28 Jan 2014, 04:45 am »
What is the worst part about being an Atheist?






You have no one to talk to during sex!

jhm731

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #859 on: 28 Jan 2014, 05:49 am »
Geezer Warning! - NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.