[JakeJ]

Simple, Bob, just take the cab and park it in front of the nearest bar for the next guy.  Karma paid forward!

Cute joke, too.

[thunderbrick]

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Minnesota were listening to the radio during breakfast.
The announcer said, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through."
So the good wife went out and moved her car.
 
A week later, while they were eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through."
So, the good wife went out and moved her car again.
 
The following week, they were again having breakfast again when the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today.
You must park...." just then the electric power went out.
The good wife became upset and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do.
Which side of the street do you think I need to park on so the snow ploughs can get through?"
 
Then, with the love and understanding in his voice that all men married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied:
"Why don't you just leave the car in the garage today?"

[ArthurDent]

  Kind of warms the heart, that kind of understanding, don't it. 

[I.Greyhound Fan]

2 cannibals were eating a clown and one cannibal says to the other "does this taste funny to you?"

[Bob in St. Louis]

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8-year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation: - "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.

- "An ambulance just drove by!"
- "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.

- "Matt's riding a new bike!"

- "Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

- "Jason is on his skate board!"

- After a few moments he announced, "The  Coopers are having sex!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed! Dad cautiously called out, "How do you know they're having sex?"
"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

[WireNut]

Good one Bob 

[I.Greyhound Fan]

Did you hear about the Agnostic who has Dyslexia?

He stayed up all night contemplating whether there really is a DOG!

[bside123]

Dyslexics of the world... UNTIE!

[I.Greyhound Fan]

Little Johnny went to the mall with his Grandpa. Johnny got separated from his Grandpa and started crying. A security guard found Johnny and asked him if he was lost. Johnny told him he was with his Grandpa. So the guard ask's him- "what is you Grandpa's name" and Johnny replies- "His name is Grandpa" and then he starts crying again. So the guard consoles Johnny and says-"Don't worry we will find your Grandpa. What's your Grandpa like?" Johnny looks up at him and says-

"Why, Grandpa likes Jack Daniels and Women with big boobs!"

[Bob in St. Louis]

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"     

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."


He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."

[I.Greyhound Fan]

So there is this Walrus driving down the road in his car when he see's steam coming from under the hood. So he drives to the nearest service station and the mechanic says we can take a look at the car and probably have if fixed in an hour or 2. He says to the Walrus, "why don't you go across the street and have lunch at the diner while we fix your car". The walrus says "thats a great idea" and he heads to the diner. After finishing his sandwich and ice cream he heads back to the service station and asks the manager "how's the car?" The service manager says "it looks like you blew a seal". The walrus then wipes something off his face and tastes it and says, "Oh that, that is just the vanilla ice cream that I had for lunch! 

[Bob in St. Louis]

 

[JerryM]

"...I'm in the bar right next to it."

 

[jhm731]

Wife's First Hunt…

My sweet husband invited me to go hunting with him thisyear.
I Couldn't believe it...the first time ever!
I never thought he'd be willing to share his 'guy time' with me!
And being the thoughtful man that he is, he even gave me an
an opening day present.

He calls it 'The First Timers Lucky Hat'.

I'm so fortunate to be married to him.
I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat

[Guy 13]

Wife's First Hunt…

My sweet husband invited me to go hunting with him thisyear.
I Couldn't believe it...the first time ever!
I never thought he'd be willing to share his 'guy time' with me!
And being the thoughtful man that he is, he even gave me an
an opening day present.

He calls it 'The First Timers Lucky Hat'.

I'm so fortunate to be married to him.
I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat

Hi jhm731 and all Audio Circle members.
 
Can I get one like that on Amazon, it's a gift for my wife.
 
What?
There no hunting in Ho Chi minh City (Saigon)
and I won't suggest her to go to the country side.
You see, it's not what you thought, I love my wife.
She's a fashion girl and that hat would be very unique
and fashionable.

Guy 13

[thunderbrick]

I have attached a picture of me in my lucky hat

Can I borrow it when you're done with it?

[I.Greyhound Fan]

2 condoms were walking down the street when the come upon a gay bar.  One condom looks at the other and says "do you want to go inside and get shit faced?"

I am sorry if I offended any one here with this joke. 

[Guy 13]

2 condoms were walking down the street when the come upon a gay bar.  One condom looks at the other and says "do you want to go inside and get shit faced?"

I am sorry if I offended any one here with this joke.

Hi I.Greyhound Fan and all Audio Circle members.
I am not offended, however, I prefer the joke of jhm731,
it's more funny, to me anyway.
Try again with another one.

Guy 13

[Bob in St. Louis]

Sadly, this isn't a joke. You can really buy one;

http://www.amazon.com/UFO-02-magnetometer-interfaced-controller-anomalies/product-reviews/B000FVUKKO/ref=dp_top_cm_cr_acr_txt?showViewpoints=1

UFO-02 Detector, magnetometer interfaced with micro controller for detecting magnetic anomalies.

I wonder if it'll make my turntable sound better.

Of course, the comments and reviews are the best. 

[Bob in St. Louis]

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.


He marched straight up to the counter and said,  "Hi. You know, I   just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."


The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2010 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."


The guy, just plain wide-eyed said, "You're bullshittin' me!"


The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started  it."