Joke of the Day

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic. Read 688613 times.

Dick Hertz

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3160 on: 30 Jun 2023, 04:54 am »
Who's the most popular guy at the nudist resort? He's the one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand, and a dozen donuts.

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3161 on: 1 Jul 2023, 02:32 pm »
My friend’s therapist said “I think you have a phobia about marriage. Do you know what the symptoms are?”
He said: “Can’t say I do.”
She said “That’s one of them!"

Cheers, John

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3162 on: 3 Jul 2023, 03:00 am »
I gave my friend an apple and he told me he prefers pears.
… So I gave him another apple.

Cheers, John

mix4fix

  • Volunteer
  • Posts: 2330
  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3163 on: 3 Jul 2023, 07:13 am »
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

cementhead

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3164 on: 3 Jul 2023, 11:45 am »
Farmers are great at skipping rope. They never miss a beet...

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3165 on: 5 Jul 2023, 09:27 pm »
I just got a great deal on a stepladder at Home Depot - 100% discount!
When I went to self-checkout, the screen prompted me to ‘insert or swipe.’
So I swiped it!

Cheers, John

Letitroll98

  • Volunteer
  • Posts: 5629
  • Too loud is just right
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3166 on: 7 Jul 2023, 12:10 pm »
A group of professors were called to board a plane.
When the doors closed and the plane is about to take off, all the professors were informed that this plane was designed and built by their students. All the professors rush toward the plane doors, trying to escape and survive on their own with exception of one professor who remained seated, full of confidence and calmness.
Someone's asked him why you're not escaping the plane.
The professor answered him with confidence, they are our students.
Next Question: Are you sure that you taught them well?
Professor replied quietly: I'm Sure it won't fly.


Dick Hertz

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3167 on: 10 Jul 2023, 12:22 am »
When I die, I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather. Not like the terrified passengers in the car he was driving.

cementhead

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3168 on: 10 Jul 2023, 12:53 pm »
I am taking viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't help the burn, but it keeps the sheets off my legs. :D

veloceleste

  • Full Member
  • Posts: 406
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3169 on: 10 Jul 2023, 06:12 pm »
.
« Last Edit: 21 Aug 2023, 11:39 am by veloceleste »

mix4fix

  • Volunteer
  • Posts: 2330
  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3170 on: 10 Jul 2023, 07:15 pm »
Have you heard about the chocolate record player?

It sounds pretty sweet.

Dick Hertz

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3171 on: 11 Jul 2023, 11:18 pm »
Won a big lottery recently. Spent most of my winnngs on women and booze. I squandered the rest.

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3172 on: 17 Jul 2023, 04:19 pm »
A favorite haiku: (5,7,5 syllables)
Writing poetry
With seventeen syllables
Is very diffi

richidoo

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3173 on: 17 Jul 2023, 07:46 pm »

mix4fix

  • Volunteer
  • Posts: 2330
  • I reject your music, and substitute my own.
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3174 on: 18 Jul 2023, 05:23 am »
What computer is a singer?

A Dell.

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3175 on: 18 Jul 2023, 10:13 pm »
Bank robber says to the teller over his gun: “Give me all your money, or you’re geography!”
Puzzled, the teller asks: “Don’t you mean history?”
Robber yells: “Don’t change the subject!”

Letitroll98

  • Volunteer
  • Posts: 5629
  • Too loud is just right
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3176 on: 19 Jul 2023, 09:55 am »
The Old Man's Creed:

Never pass up a chance to pee.
Never ignore a hard on.
Never trust a fart.

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3177 on: 20 Jul 2023, 03:03 am »
There’s a new scam going around.
My friend’s husband ordered her some expensive jewelry online.
When the package came it was switched out to motorcycle parts.
Thankfully at least they fit his bike!

Dick Hertz

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3178 on: 20 Jul 2023, 11:48 pm »
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental. He tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner, so that night, she does just that. About a week later, she’s back at the doctor, where she says, "Doc, the pill worked great! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes later that he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes onto the floor, grabbed me, ripped all my clothes off, and ravaged me right there on the table!" The doctor says, "I’m sorry, we didn’t realize the pill was that strong! The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Nah," she says, "that's okay. We're never going back to that restaurant anyway."

jschwenker

  • Jr. Member
  • Posts: 250
Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #3179 on: 22 Jul 2023, 10:31 pm »
Wonder Woman slept with another Superhero but didn’t know his name.
In the morning she asks “What’s your name?”
“I’m Thor“ he says
“Your Thor? I can hardly pith” She says.