[jschwenker]

If you ever think English is not a weird language just remember that read and lead rhyme and read and lead rhyme.

But read and lead don't rhyme, and neither do read and lead.

[Letitroll98]

I accidentally sprayed myself in the mouth with Axe body spray.

Now I talk with an Axe scent.

[avta]

These two older gentlemen were discussing their sex lives. One asked " how often do you think a man should have sex? " The other responded " infrequently ".   The other " Is that two words or one? "

[mix4fix]

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

[Tyson]

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Sex.

[jschwenker]

I've been off work all week because my pet cow is sick.

My boss thinks I'm milking it.

[jschwenker]

Just Blocked someone for correcting my grammar

 ...and it feeled grate.

[qdrone]

Q). Ladies,if you get Bob out of Robert and Jim out of James, how do you get Dick out of Richard?
A). Ask him nicely.

[JerryM]

So, Little Sally comes home from first-grade and eventually tells her Mom "Kenny showed me his weenie today."

Mom flips out a bit and says "Oh my god, what?!"

Little Sally says "It reminded me of a peanut."

Mom says "Oh, it was small?"

Little Sally responds "No; it was salty."

[pansixt]

I posted this years ago. But it is just as funny now.

The Pastors Ass.
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.

The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the ad lines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery, even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and you’ll be a lot happier and live longer

[pansixt]

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[pansixt]