Joke of the Day

jschwenker · « **Reply #3060 on:** 8 Apr 2023, 04:07 am »

I fell asleep last night reading old magazines...
I woke up this morning with back issues.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3061 on:** 8 Apr 2023, 05:14 am »

Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was outstanding in his field!

jschwenker · « **Reply #3062 on:** 8 Apr 2023, 09:35 pm »

I lost three fingers on my hand.
Asked my doctor if I would still be able to write with it.
He said: “Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it."

Cheers, John

richidoo · « **Reply #3063 on:** 8 Apr 2023, 11:55 pm »

jschwenker · « **Reply #3064 on:** 10 Apr 2023, 02:01 am »

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mineshaft?
A flat minor.

Cheers, John

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3065 on:** 10 Apr 2023, 09:04 pm »

richidoo · « **Reply #3066 on:** 16 Apr 2023, 11:22 pm »

Thank you all for teaching me the meaning of "plethora."

It means a lot.

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3067 on:** 16 Apr 2023, 11:30 pm »

richidoo · « **Reply #3068 on:** 16 Apr 2023, 11:40 pm »

bside123 · « **Reply #3069 on:** 18 Apr 2023, 09:39 pm »

I keep getting these annoying junk mails telling me to read maps backwards. It's spam.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3070 on:** 19 Apr 2023, 07:24 am »

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word!

mix4fix · « **Reply #3071 on:** 23 Apr 2023, 01:45 am »

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

He couldn't see that well.

mix4fix · « **Reply #3072 on:** 23 Apr 2023, 08:17 pm »

My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store.

I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.

jschwenker · « **Reply #3073 on:** 24 Apr 2023, 12:01 am »

A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one... free of charge.

Cheers, John

mix4fix · « **Reply #3074 on:** 24 Apr 2023, 04:20 am »

People are usually shocked that I have a police record.

But I love their greatest hits!

jschwenker · « **Reply #3075 on:** 25 Apr 2023, 12:31 am »

Customer at a motel calls the Front Desk: "I gotta leak in the bathroom sink”
Front Desk Clerk: "Go ahead, everyone else does"

Cheers, John

Scroof Neachy · « **Reply #3076 on:** 25 Apr 2023, 04:51 am »

jschwenker · « **Reply #3077 on:** 25 Apr 2023, 10:46 pm »

"I just cleared out some space in the freezer”
sounds so much more productive than
“I just polished off another pint of ice cream”.

Cheers, John

richidoo · « **Reply #3078 on:** 26 Apr 2023, 11:59 pm »

mix4fix · « **Reply #3079 on:** 27 Apr 2023, 12:16 am »

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…"