Just in case it gets mis-interpreted, this is a parody I made up a few months ago just for the fun of it.
Enjoy and feel free to suggest your own "lines".
Alberto
He does not need cable lifters. When he enters a room, speaker cables lift themselves out of respect.
He does not buy remastered records. He remasters his own.
He can bias power tubes to within 1mV ... by ear.
Mark Levinson built a custom preamp for him ... with tone controls and loudness.
He traps his own bass.
He has never listened to “Jazz at the Pawnshop” ... he just happened to be there and gave the recording engineer a few pointers.
McIntosh chose the color of his eyes for its VU meters.
His list of equipment is The Recommended List of Components.
His interpretation of Wife Acceptance Factor is completely different from yours ... and it has nothing to do with speakers.
Diana Krall ogles at his photos.
Hewlett-Packard uses his perfect 1Khz whistle to calibrate their equipment.
His mere presence causes jitter in lesser components ... even analog ones.
When one of his girlfriend asked for diamonds for their anniversary, he bought himself a pair of B&W 800D speakers – and she was ecstatic.
His ears are insured with Lloyd’s of London.
It is said that Dave Wilson was inspired to build and name their MAXX speaker after seeing him naked in the locker room shower. It is also rumored that his beard shavings are the secret ingredients in Wilson Speaker’s X Material.
Michael Fremer credits him for the vinyl revival.
When he is in the audience at a concert, Keith Jarrett refrains from making those annoying grunts and noises when he plays.
He once arm wrestled Eveanna Manley ... and won.
The moment he takes a new piece of equipment out of the store it appreciates in value by 40%.
He is ... the most interesting audiophile in the world.
