Joke of the Day

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weatherman1

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2960 on: 2 Oct 2022, 04:44 am »
A guy comes home completely drunk one night.
He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy.
‘Where the hell have you been all night?’ she demands.
‘At this fantastic new bar,’ he says.
‘The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor, the works – hell, even the urinal’s gold!’
The wife still doesn’t believe his story, and the next day checks the phone book, finding a place across town called the Golden Saloon. She calls up the place to check her husband’s story.
‘Is this the Golden Saloon?’ she asks when the bartender answers the phone.
‘Yes it is,’ bartender answers.
‘Do you have huge golden doors?’
‘Sure do.’ ‘Do you have golden floors?’
‘Most certainly do.’
‘What about golden urinals?’
There’s a long pause, then the woman hears the bartender yelling,
‘Hey, Duke, I think I got a lead on the guy that pissed in your saxophone last night!’

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2961 on: 3 Oct 2022, 01:40 am »
“Boss, can I leave work two hours early today? My wife wants me to go shopping with her.”

“That’s out of the question.”

“Thanks, boss! I knew you wouldn’t let me down.

mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2962 on: 10 Nov 2022, 12:43 am »
Redneck word of the day: Budweiser.

She's got a nice body, Budweiser face so ugly?

2bigears

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2963 on: 10 Nov 2022, 12:59 am »
 :D haha ,  now that's a smile !!!!  :D

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2964 on: 1 Mar 2023, 02:04 am »
A T-Rex and a Velociraptor are sitting in a bar.
The Velociraptor points out a Triceratops and says “Why is he the first to get served?”
And the T-Rex says “Because he was herbivorous."

John

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2965 on: 1 Mar 2023, 08:17 pm »
What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?
A camera takes photos - a sock takes five toes.

John

S Clark

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2966 on: 1 Mar 2023, 09:58 pm »
A T-Rex and a Velociraptor are sitting in a bar.
The Velociraptor points out a Triceratops and says “Why is he the first to get served?”
And the T-Rex says “Because he was herbivorous."

John
Some us us are just a bit slow.  Read it yesterday, laughed today!   :icon_lol:

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2967 on: 2 Mar 2023, 09:19 pm »
I always preferred the English spelling of diarrhea: “Diarrhoea”.
Because it really looks like you’ve...
...lost control of your vowels.

Cheers, John

richidoo

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2968 on: 2 Mar 2023, 09:55 pm »
“Because he was herbivorous."

Some us us are just a bit slow.  Read it yesterday, laughed today!   :icon_lol:

Yup! Me too   :lol:

AllanS

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2969 on: 3 Mar 2023, 01:53 am »
I always preferred the English spelling of diarrhea: “Diarrhoea”.
Because it really looks like you’ve...
...lost control of your vowels.

Cheers, John

Made me laugh.  https://memes.getyarn.io/yarn-clip/63e07417-c078-476e-94f6-b8ffa873493a


mix4fix

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2970 on: 4 Mar 2023, 09:37 pm »
The queen is entitled to a slice of every cake or pie baked in the UK, up to but not exceeding one-twelfth the entire mass of the confection.

It's in the Magna Tarta.

artur9

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2971 on: 5 Mar 2023, 02:39 am »
Yup! Me too   :lol:

Still don't get it.  Does it depend on a particular pronunciation of herbivorous?

MttBsh

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2972 on: 5 Mar 2023, 03:02 am »
I read it as: he was "here before us" it took me a couple of looks to get it as well  :roll:

JakeJ

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2973 on: 5 Mar 2023, 03:04 am »
The queen is entitled to a slice of every cake or pie baked in the UK, up to but not exceeding one-twelfth the entire mass of the confection.

It's in the Magna Tarta.

I think you meant Magna Torta.  LOL

Still don't get it.  Does it depend on a particular pronunciation of herbivorous?

It has to do with the T-Rex and Velociraptor being carnivores and by "served" they likely mean for dinner.  Think luau pig.  :wink:

artur9

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2974 on: 5 Mar 2023, 03:41 am »
It has to do with the T-Rex and Velociraptor being carnivores and by "served" they likely mean for dinner.  Think luau pig.  :wink:
That interpretation makes me think it has something to do with the "try" in "triceratops" :-)

jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2975 on: 5 Mar 2023, 05:50 am »
Went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette.
The keeper told me it was… bread in captivity.

Cheers, John

JakeJ

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2976 on: 5 Mar 2023, 07:58 am »



Thanks for the daily dose!  :lol:

Scroof Neachy

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2977 on: 5 Mar 2023, 02:08 pm »



jschwenker

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Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2978 on: 7 Mar 2023, 12:06 am »
I was abducted by aliens.
They made me wash my hands, clean my room, and eat my vegetables.
Turns out I was… on the mothership.

Cheers, John

Zuman

Re: Joke of the Day
« Reply #2979 on: 7 Mar 2023, 03:26 am »
Still don't get it.  Does it depend on a particular pronunciation of herbivorous?

...because he was here-before-us.