Joke of the Day

jhm731 · « **Reply #1660 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 06:35 am »

Deleted

Shakeydeal · « **Reply #1661 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 02:02 pm »

DELETE

Shakey

Letitroll98 · « **Reply #1662 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 03:37 pm »

Since politics are not allowed to be discussed this post should be removed.

Shakeydeal · « **Reply #1663 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 04:07 pm »

Deleted

Shakey

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1664 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 04:14 pm »

Quote from: Shakeydeal on 17 Mar 2016, 04:07 pm

Maybe. But that's funny s&*t, I don't care who you are........

Shakey

Agreed.

(but yea...it's against the rules)

jhm731 · « **Reply #1665 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 06:20 pm »

Quote from: Bob in St. Louis on 17 Mar 2016, 04:14 pm

Agreed.
(but yea...it's against the rules)

I was inspired by Philistine's Hilary joke, but please remove my post if it's against the rules.

Kenneth Patchen · « **Reply #1666 on:** 17 Mar 2016, 11:47 pm »

Why can you never borrow money from a leprechaun?

Because they're always a little short.

....................................... ....................................... .......... What?

JerryM · « **Reply #1667 on:** 18 Mar 2016, 12:27 am »

I was offered sex with a hot 20 year old today. In exchange for that, I was supposed to advertise some kind of bathroom cleaner.

Of course, I declined because I am a person of high moral standards and strong willpower. Just as strong as Ajax, the super strong bathroom cleaner. Now available with scented lemon or vanilla at your nearest drug and convenience store. Act now and save 1.50 off your next purchase.

JerryM · « **Reply #1668 on:** 18 Mar 2016, 06:26 pm »

What's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman?

The back of my hand.

brooklyn · « **Reply #1669 on:** 1 Apr 2016, 05:41 pm »

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer.

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said 'nothing'.

The reason I said 'nothing' instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she then
would have asked 'about what?' At that point I would have had to explain that
men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally, I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting
kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful
than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they "know"? Well, after
another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an
answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though
I obviously couldn't really "know", here is the reason for my conclusion. A year
or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another
child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would
like another kick in the nuts."

I rest my case. Time for another beer, and then maybe a nap in that hammock.

mikeeastman · « **Reply #1670 on:** 2 Apr 2016, 03:08 am »

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1671 on:** 2 Apr 2016, 05:14 pm »

After my recent Prostate Exam, which by the way was one of the most thorough
examinations I've ever had, the Doctor left the room and the nurse came in.

After she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear...

She said...."Who was that guy”?

JerryM · « **Reply #1672 on:** 3 Apr 2016, 03:23 am »

Just saw a girl wearing shorts so unbelievably short that you could see private parts sticking out the bottom of mine.

Guy 13 · « **Reply #1673 on:** 4 Apr 2016, 08:30 pm »

Brooklyn,
that's a good one, I really like jokes like that.

Guy 13

dflee · « **Reply #1674 on:** 5 Apr 2016, 12:55 pm »

Ya know, just the other day I was thinkin to myself "Man it's been a while since
I've had a good kick in the groin".

Guy 13 · « **Reply #1675 on:** 5 Apr 2016, 01:39 pm »

I did not get a kick in the balls,
but got an hernia operation,
which is more or less the same thing,
well, I have to admit it's less painfull
When I was a kid I crushed my balls on the bicycle
bar, I am sure it happed to many of you guys as a kid.

Guy 13

JakeJ · « **Reply #1676 on:** 6 Apr 2016, 12:57 am »

(In a high-pitched voice)
Yup, been there, done that!

jhm731 · « **Reply #1677 on:** 6 Apr 2016, 07:14 pm »

brooklyn · « **Reply #1678 on:** 13 Apr 2016, 04:30 am »

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies
of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite Italian
anisette sprinkle cookies wafting up the stairs.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning
against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even
greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
 
Where, if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in
heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen  table were
literally hundreds of his favorite anisette sprinkled cookies.  Was it heaven?
Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted  Italian wife of sixty years,
seeing to it that he left this world a happy  man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on
his knees in a crumpled posture. His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of
the cookie was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing  him back to life.  The aged
and withered hand trembled on its way to a cookie at the edge of  the table, when
it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.....

"Don't touch!" she said, "They're for the funeral."

Bob in St. Louis · « **Reply #1679 on:** 13 Apr 2016, 12:19 pm »

Wow. That's cold.